Having responsibility early /unsure of new GF. ITS TLDR

Post Reply New Topic

aight so I started seeing this girl recently. shes 18, im 22 - my past 4 partners were my age or a year older so this ....girl is younger and I'm having trouble bridging the big gap in lifestyle and maturity...I'm not saying that to be pretentious or arrogant, I never thought of how large gaps in experiences could be.

I've been doing stuff on my own since I was 15 to get what I desired/planned ahead My parents flat out told me that the recession effed their business (dads a dental specialist) and that my dad had a secret, massive six figure debt. It meant that I would be pulled outta my school and that thye couldn't pay for a cent of college. At 15 I got a job in addition to other 'stuff' business/ to stockpile money for college, as well as opening doors for what I wanted to do when I was a teen (a car, partying, buying clothes, going out, weed, booze, stuff for gf etc etc). They knew I worked with tourists but had no idea about my other source of income or how much money I had...They needed the money so they were about to pull me out from my amazing school..so I earned myself partial scholarship/financial aid by playing for them (we were #1 in high school athletics in the USA for a few years and top 10 regularly, they recruit and give scholarships to athletes if they would be a contribution)..I earned the equivalent of like...$10,000 in tuition money through football in addition to $38500 in wages and other income from when I was 15 to 17. My parents kicked me out of their house when I was 17 because they needed money for themselves , house payments, new cars, trips to Japan and Italy and to finish my brothers education (hes three years younger than me)-said that 'I was an adult and I could take care of myself, good luck, let us know if you go to college.' they had no idea I had nearly $60,000 and had dated two girls for 2 years without them even knowing. they had little interest in my social life or what I did outside of school so it was natural.

I was unsure of if I even wanted to go to college (I thought I was so deep back then) to achieve other things....and I went homeless by choice to ponder this rather than spending money on a apartment. I went 'homeless' overseas to Italy, Germany, Israel and Greece over a month...then literally homeless (by choice) back in Hawaii where I grew up. After two monthsI figured out that I did want to go to college...and just like that I enrolled at my university following two months of existing as a dirty beach bum. I chose the ..living in a new state, by myself, for the first time ever. I spent all my money over 2.5 years and got credits from university (Oregon) for roughly 2.25 years while working parttime to enable my colllege lifestyle. I basically spent all fourty grand on HALF my college education because I WANTED to experience the college life.

Since then, I've been working, saving to complete my degree at Univ- Washington, travelling and working like an avg 50 hours a week. I've only been like this for 1.5 years now...but I feel like I'm now a young 'adult'. Not in the way to describe someone who reaches the first step of adult mental maturity, but in the sense that I've worked for everything I had and support myself fully. Havn't seen a cent from my parents since I was 16, maybe $20 on my birthday...and they did feed me and house me till I was 17). I'm still working 40-55 hours a week and pouring myself into the social life on most of my time I'm not working. I'm living the typical life of a recent college graduate, though I'm actually not yet and I'm ultra responsible. taking care of myself out of necessity since I was 15 has made me kind of a hardass. some people think I'm extreamely anal about things involving financial risk, liability, getting hurt, cheating in relationships, being courteous/respecful, direct, keeping promises or being on time. On the other hand my friends who support themselves and are not in college or out of college are more like me and apparently find me very charistmatic (quietly). I thought people were overly nice, respectful and trusting because thats just how people in Seattle are (they are not often), but it was because they apparently feel like I'm a much older guy and treat me as such. ive been surprised this year romantically. several of my sexual partners and short time gfs were 26 to mid 30s- professionals and career oriented women. Women who just a few years ago I wouldnt even speak to due to low self esteem. It surprised me ...A LOT, to hear women who are older than myself by 5-13 years say I'm well spoken, sharp and marriage material (as opposed to females who are 18-25 that my friends date). they thought I was around 28 when they met me.

and all that stuff up there?????? its to help me with one simple question about my new girlfriend. I'm almost 23, I've been in 4 relationships in my life- some short, two over a year and one was more than 2 years. All of my partners were either deep or very motivated girls or professional career oriented 25-35 year women. I learned so much from them all. I feel like most of what I know in terms of respecting others and whats ok and whats not has come from my experience with them. I.e mentally wrestling with over stuff, keeping my temper in check, manuevering around a womans plans to play their games and subsequently impress them, taking hits just so shes happy, admitting defeat when I'm wrong (I'm a proud person, its hard for me)...now I'm with someone younger. I've never had a younger girlfriend before. The dynamics are very different than before. Before I was an equal, a partner and able to have my voice heard. Now, I'm being clung to, looked to, helping making decisions for and having trouble taking some of her interests seriously because I feel like its under me.

My new girlfriend is 18. shes very sweet, very kind, very dependant and also very inexperienced because she was raised within the Asian community, which is very enclosed and communal if you didnt know. I mean, like, she doesnt know how a bank works (she didnt know what interest was! jaw dropped), she doesnt have a license or drive, shes into K-pop and these artists who look really girly and poppy, shes still going to be in high school for another year (shes an immigrant so she goes to a immersion high school),..and I feel bad saying it, but sometimes I feel like shes 15 years old by the way she acts, thinks and comments on things.She refers to her dad as 'daddy'-he dotes on her and she relies on him for everything. Shes pretty much resembles the 'stupid blonde' caricature spot on, but in real life. It's actually ironic because most of my past partners where dark to light blonde, or a near blonde brown...and they were all very smart, much more experienced than me.

Now, my partner is Asian like myself, but shes the ditzy one.. i Loled. i reallly like her....but its not right if I feel like I'm sort of her dad due to being looked to all the time now. my past partners were all my age/older, self sufficient, fully employed and independent women...my current situation is literally the opposite. I was never clung to, nor did I cling -ive always been independant and so are the people I'm attracted to-now, I'm expected to be wit her alll the time while getting made feel bad for not 'paying enough attention to her'. My past partners all had their own social lives, friends outside of me and their own hobbies that they shared with me and vice versa. THEY UNDERSTOOD THAT I HAD MY OWN LIFE TO LIVE OUTSIDE OF HER.

Now, my partner is trying to blend herself into my social circles, bring HER social circle into MINE and kind of wedging herself into my life. I feel like im losing some control here and this is what immature or insecure women do...am I wrong? or is this...what most women do? I have very little experience with women, just 5 relationships (now) and something like 13 sexual partners at 23 years of age. the sex part is discountable since most of that came from a sex binge in college that I now regret. I learned little from those in terms of personal growth- only how sh***y some ppl are, or how some ppls priorities are very diff from mine).

I really like this girl , I'd try to get comfortable around her and her new ways...or should I give her this gut check about how we are seperate people and I'd like my own space-that she can expect to rely on me the way she does. I think its a natural and ok thing to do to maintain some lines between us, but I dont think she does. she might take it as that I don't care for her much or that I'm not that into her, which is not true...but shes a fragile girl emotionally, and insecure too, I dont want to hurt her. i've never really been in a position to hurt since I've been an equal or even less experienced compared to everyone in my past. i imagined how shed probably act if I told her i had to break up with her, or told her firmly that I want to remain independent and want my partner to be too.

Should I adapt myself to her and what she wants? should I tell her firmly what I want and need ? (clear boundaries since we havnt been togehter long, just a few months) that I hate her music (that she holds SO dear and obssesses over) and she needs to accept that I have flaws and that I'm not some fairy tale price charming-i'm a real person. or...should i do both. older ppl, please give me your input i you are still alive! that text trip took a generation, perhaps your kids can give me advice? its TLDR even for myself so I did it for the lols while expressing my need to rant about my problems.

yeehaw.

Hey Mike.
I'm just going to tell you what I think you already know; your gf is too immature for you. I'm sure she's lovely and kind and likable and all that but at the end of the day if you're at a different maturity level than your partner it's really not going to work in the long run.

Our lives are really quite different, from what I just read about yours but one similarity is that I had to move out of home when I was 15. Due to that I ended up maturing far quicker than my peers, primarily because I was forced too. I'd been living out of home 6-7 years and some of my counterparts were only just starting to leave their parents. Maturity is more than how long you've lived away from your parents of course, but having things like being responsible, and solely responsible as in can't just call your parents and ask for a bail out, for rent and bills and food and all that really does give you an insight into life that you really can't get until you've done it yourself.

Maturity levels has been the source of issues in several of my relationships, say my first long term bf, we were about the same age, but as we got to 22-23 I kind of wanted to give up the 24/7 partying lifestyle we (somewhat) lived and like start thinking ''ok what am I going to do with the rest of my life''. He however was far from ready to getting to that point in his life. HE had no sense of direction at all, or even motivation to find some. In the end it drove us apart. Or my most recent ex, whom still lived at his parents despite being late 20's, wouldn't understand why I would get stressed about my job when ''i should just quit'' or get annoyed at having to eat out every day....this is because despite being intelligent he never really had to worry about where he would sleep if he got evicted, and how it's fine to go out and eat every day if you don't mind what time you eat and what time you go to bed and can sleep until noon until the next day because you don't even have a job!! ! anyway I think you get the point.

You can try it a bit longer with your gf if you want maybe if you are able to explain to her (in a nice way) what you feel is causing the distance between you too and she can do things to start to change it? This is what I did with my first bf whom I really was 100% committed too. IF she's unwilling, or unable to change though, might be time to start thinking about moving on.

Good luck.