Tactful way to explain that I don't like receiving flowers

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I'm a very androgynous aspie female and I don't like to conform to gender norms. I'm in a serious relationship and my boyfriend bought me flowers for Valentine's Day. I don't particularly care for flowers, or even the holiday in general, but I also didn't want to be rude. He obviously spent a lot of money on the flowers and he was very proud of the fact that I received them. He's also on the spectrum, so I think he was trying a bit too hard to mimic what a neurotypical relationship might look like. I'm not like most females; I'd rather have a new Dr. Who gadget or a new bike component. Before you think of me as just an ungrateful b***h, I really am happy that he thought of me and went through the trouble of sending flowers, it's just that I don't want to have to feign my appreciation for them for every dang holiday. And what if one day he decides to spend a lot of money on jewelry? I'd feel so guilty rejecting the present and I'd also feel guilty lying to him about liking the present.

So, what is a graceful way to explain that I don't like traditional feminine presents? He's really trying hard make me happy. I don't think he realizes that I'm not the typical high-maintenance female and I don't need or want this stuff. I only want his company.

Tell him the things you said in this thread.

Honestly, if I were him I'd be relieved. I could never understand the appeal of flowers. You take a beautiful living thing and cut it out of the ground so it can slowly wither and die........

I too would much prefer to spend my money on a practical gift.

If you really want to try the indirect approach, you could take the opportunity to point out something you would really like the next time you see one. You can use it to start a conversation about what you've said here. That would prevent his gift of flowers from being turned into something negative.

I found this quiz to be very helpful for the issues you mention. I don't like receiving live flowers, either. Nor do I crave constant gifts. This quiz helps you to discover your "language of love." If you and your boyfriend take it together, it will solve the problem of having awkward moments where one of you is trying to express love in the wrong way. I used it with my guy, and it was amazing!
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

just tell him. say 'hey there is something i wanted to talk to you about. on valentines day you gave me flowers. i really appreciate that you were thinking about me, but flowers just arent my cuppa tea. all i really want is to be around you. maybe next time instead of spending money on something im not especially fond of, you could write me a letter (or insert something else that you'd like instead). that way your time spent on something that would hopefully make me happy would do just that '

just be straight with him. make sure he knows its not a BAD thing, its just that its not as good as it could have been, yanno?

This is why people give hints as to what they want as gifts. It can seem needy or demanding if one doesn't think about it, but avoiding the unwanted gift is important in a new relationship, because once the gift is given, any criticism of it really isn't fair - if one has never said what they prefer.

I love flowers, and I consider myself feminine, but I've felt awkward about florist flowers too. In all the years we've been together the only flowers my spouse has given me were those he grew himself, and I knew how much love he put into growing them, how hard he worked at tending them. I also knew that it was good for his roses to have their flowers cut, so the gift wasn't harmful or destructive, just really beautiful and pleasant.

But florist gifts from others never failed to feel awkward. I think it's because there isn't really that much thought or effort that goes into such a gift. Yes, money, and effort goes into making money, but the gift itself is kind of forced feeling, with a feeling of the giver trying too hard to be normal, put up appearances, or fit some general societal expectation, rather than give a gift chosen specifically for the individual.

I don't want florist flowers, ever. Even at my funeral (I'd rather someone give a donation to a worthy cause than waste the money). All florist flowers really say to me is "I spent a lot of money on this." My attitude about that tends to be, so what?

I've also never liked jewelry except what I pick out for myself. I think those romantic movies where the woman expects the man to have a ring already when he proposes are NUTS. I wouldn't want to have to wear something for the rest of my life that I didn't help choose.

But there is this huge deal made about surprises in our culture. So it's considered somehow wrong to ask someone what they want rather than just know somehow and buy the perfect gift as a surprise. Also some people are really difficult to buy for, and some of us (I'm awful at it) don't have a knack for choosing a gift. So when it's time to give a gift, if we think it has to be a surprise, sometimes we choose the first thing or the most generally acceptable thing that comes to mind.

In my marriage we stopped giving gifts, by choice, long ago. We celebrate and we care about each other, but we'd both much rather choose our own gift than be surprised, so we don't worry about them. On birthdays, he chooses his own gift, I choose mine. To me the important thing is being together - sharing a nice meal, and CAKE. I love cake, and while the rest of the year I might have to watch what I eat, on my birthday I'm damn well having my cake. But even the cake isn't expected of the other. I like to choose my own cake.

My advice: Just talk to him, maybe about what he likes to get for his birthdays or other occasions, and listen to him. Then there should be an opening for you to mention what you prefer.

I would avoid, though, mentioning his gift of flowers as a bad example. Work around it, let him put two and two together. If he comes right out and asks if that was a bad gift, just say you know it was a gift of love, and that's the important thing about it, but that you'd prefer something else.