Why cant women do the approaching?

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Apparently Ive missed "something" here. The guy is "supposed" to do the approaching, according to many women. Why is this? Why do the guys get mad or act offended when a women(like me) approaches them instead?

I'd prefer if women would do the approaching because I sure as hell won't do it. Unless the girl seems very subservient (and shy) AND stares; then I'm more likely to do so. A typical self-assured girl who sends out subtle "hints"? No f*****g way.

My first instinct is to chalk it up as another social rule that makes no logical sense. Personally, I wouldn't want to date somebody I couldn't see as a friend. And friendship can be initiated from either side. But the stereotypical behavior is designed so that friends are friends and dates are dates and there isn't a lot of crossover.
Basically, I'd say be yourself. If the guys can't handle that, then a relationship with any of them probably wouldn't work too well. Frankly, I'd look down on guys like that

I prefer to do the approaching. Mostly because the type of guys I like are smart and shy. I made the first move with my current boyfriend and I'm glad. I asked for his number, when we were texting he said he liked me, and then when we hung out I kissed him. If I hadn't asked for his number I might not have seen him again.

I asked my husband out on our first date. He didn't mind.

even if somebody would approach me, i wouldn't know what to do to keep them around.

In all three of the relationships I've had, the woman approached me, and on many other occasions, in hindsight, it's been obvious that women have been interested in me, it's just that they didn't make it as obvious as the other three, so at the time I wasn't certain enough about their intentions to respond.

Depends on the woman and situation but most girls like guys to take the initiative, it's just how it is in most cases. Being on the spectrum, you are going to get girls that are different from the norm anyway so if a woman does approach you first, it's a good sign.

My reading is quite broad.

The other day I picked up a "dating" book women that I found on a sale and bought as a joke mostly.

On the book it talked about how women doing the approaching turned off potential partners because according to the book males love the chase...

The book was mostly aimed at women of 40+ (the age of the author and those friends he "studied"(did a simple questionnaire)) but it couldnt be any further from the truth as far as Ive noticed.


According to the book if a man wants to be with you he´ll be sure to approach you, if on the other hand you want to be by a male of your own choosing instead of waiting for him to approach you you should supppress those feelings because any male worthy of being with will make an effort to approach you

And I only got through chapter one

^^ Great, a male promoting this ideology, to make life even easier for the male species /sarcasm.



The idea behind that men get offended if women approach them is based on anecdotal cases that usually happened once in a woman's lifetime.

You often hear a woman saying something along the lines: "I did try approaching a man once and he rejected me, it was so hurtful and decided to not do it again".

So that's it, they try one time and they stop it for life when they face the first rejection.

I think the main reason why that happens so often is because women, when they choose to approach, they often try with a male who's waaay far from their league (super hot, the best alpha of the group...etc); he's already Mr. Right/Mr. Perfect in her eyes, a man who has a lot of better options already and most probably a healthy steady sexual life. Like everything in life, the higher you aim the harder you hit..

Ask any random average man and he would tell you that he would be flattered if a woman approaches him.

What do we mean when we're talking about "approaching" just to clarify.

Are we talking about going over to a guy in a bar? Or are we talking about when you realise that you're starting to like a friend of a friend and you want to move things forward, but don't know if you should tell them you like them? Because these are totally different things.

Approaching some dude in a bar and getting rejected doesn't matter as you'll never see him again. Asking your friend's friend if he wants to go for coffee, just you and him, is a totally different dynamic. If he rejects you it's awkward every time you see him after that, especially if he tells the mutual friend about it and they make fun of you.

i'm gonna try my best to not make this sound like another one of my frequent bitter posts, but i love what i'm hearing from the women in this thread, you have my full endorsement and support, and love, if only more like you existed