Right Down the Old Conundrum...

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NOTE / DISCLAIMER / WARNING: This could also go under Adult Autism Issues, due to the 'mature' nature of some of the content, but this post is more about what I should do now, rather than about the background information I'm including for information and contextual purposes.

So, I've had this one really weird memory in the back of my mind since January 2005. It has to do with a girl I met back in junior high, the first week I moved to Minnesota from Texas. Anyway, we were in ceramics class together, and one day that first week, during the unstructured part of the class where we're prepping the clay to work with, she starts asking me all these personal questions. Really weird and embarrassing ones, too; mostly about my sexual experiences with girls. Just sitting there on the counter, messing with clay, and causally asking me questions, like if I've ever fingered a girl, or ever given or received oral sex. Just, totally surreal stuff like that, where I could't quite figure out if she was serious, or if she was just trolling me really hard, trying to get a reaction. It was probably one of the weirdest and most uncomfortable experiences I've ever had, and because of that, it's stuck with me all this time.

And for the record, this is a girl who went on to interact with me on her own initiative, and show some signs of interest in me- beyond asking embarrassing personal questions about my sex life, of course.

Anyway, I finally, just last night, decided to message her on Facebook, and ask her if she remembered anything about that incident- carefully and somewhat indirectly, of course. She says she doesn't remember the exact event I'm talking about, but also assures me that she "was probably serious and definitely not trolling." Now, I'm not sure what to make of that, considering the nature of the questions she was asking me at the time. Also, this is a girl I've had a crush on practically since we first met; probably at least in part because she was one of the first girls to ever show any real interest in me (I know, stupid adolescent feelings of outsider appreciation). But, we haven't seen each other since we graduated high school back in 2009; and even before then, we didn't have much interaction after that first semester in ceramics class back in junior high, thanks to having completely different class schedules. I also live in California, now, and she lives back in Minnesota still (well, technically, again, since she did a year or two of college in St. Luis, Missouri before I moved here to California).

So, now, I'm kind of in a weird situation, here... Do I tell her some of the details I remember, to maybe help jog her memory? Do edge my way around the subject, and try to finds some other common ground again, after all this time, or do I just let it go, and leave it at that? Is there anything else I might try doing in this situation? You think there's any point in trying to establish a long-distance relationship with her? By her own admission, she hasn't had many boyfriends, so I'm trying to weigh whether she's genuinely not interested in relationships, or she's just careful about who she gets involved with. Though, she did show some interest in me, back when we first met, and we do text each other sometimes, so it's not like I'm a complete stranger to her or someone she just ignores.

8 years is a long time to be harboring a crush.......

It doesn't sound like you know this girl very well.

It's mostly thanks to my social anxiety and shyness that I didn't pursue the relationship further, which I now regret. I imagine that if I'd reciprocated more readily, things would have gone quite differently. We sort-of know each other, but it's not like we spent a lot of time together or anything back in school- my fault, again for not trying very hard at all. She knows me, I know her; she responds positively to my texts, etc.

Really, I feel like a dumbass for not taking the initiative back then, and I'm wondering whether I should try to do so this time around, now that I've reestablished somewhat regular contact with her- and how I should go about doing that, considering we live half-way across the country from each other, now.

I'd forget about the past, young people do that. It's a curious age to be.
As for whether or not you want to date her long distance - you'll have to find out whether she feels the same or not. You should be able to gauge that from a few casual chats on Facebook over a reasonable period of time. If you think it's worth it then just ask if she likes you. What's the worst that could happen then, not hear from her in 8 years?

I'd also look at meeting more women in your area. This might determine what your feelings are for this girl and if they would still be the same afterwards.

My God man!! Get a goddammned life! Gee, it's the first girl that ever paid attention to you?
What if she sliced you under your thumbnail with her putty knife? Gonna remember her then and try to make something work? Sheesh! What she did to you was sexual harassment! Okay, so go and try to stir up something based upon nothing with someone MILES away. Yeah that's REAL sensible. You'll get yourself killed one day.

You call this a conundrum?! ! You must have a deathwish. Doesn't your family care about you?!

That's way too harsh......where's all this vitriol coming from?


My advice to you would be to keep the occasional friendly communication with her and maybe the next time you're in the same area as her, ask her if she wants to meet up. Don't push to date her or even expect a date. In the meantime focus on other girls........

If you don't have any constructive advice, then don't post, please. Or does this now give me licence to be a jerk to you in return, and call you stupid for something that happened to you years ago that I know next to nothing about?

That's the plan I've been operating on so far, but it's not so easy to meet people when I've got AS & social anxiety, and I'm basically a NEET, except for working at a tiny volunteer office a couple of days a week. And I have no car or driver's license, and my eyesight isn't good enough to drive, anyway.

Zokk, just go for it. If you don't, you might always be left wondering, and possibly be heart broken if she finds someone in the meantime? What do you have to lose? If I had had a crush in school and then that guy contacted me years later, and i was single, I would be over the moon

If I wasn't interested, I would be kind to let you down gently but would probably wish to remain friends with you. You seem like a lovely guy.

Good luck. Let us know. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!

She goes looking for threads like this to make herself feel better about hating men for no reason other than their poor life experiences. Best not to worry about what has been said here.

Thanks for the support and encouragement. My real problem after 'what should I do', is 'how do I do it'? That's the trick. All I've got to keep in touch with her is Facebook and text messaging, since she doesn't use Skype anymore, as far as I know (even though she has something like 3 different Skype accounts). That, and she has a work schedule (and I don't) and lives in a time zone 2 hours ahead of mine. I haven't worked up the courage to call her up on the phone or anything, yet, either, or gotten a clear idea of her work schedule so I don't end up texting or calling her when she's busy.

Well, that's good to know, I guess, but then again, I do seem to have attracted a resident troll with this thread... Great...

Good point. I see what you mean. How about sending her a FB message and asking if she would like to have a chat via telephone or Skype, and what would be the best time to do this? That might give you an idea of how interested she is?

My acid-spitting cobra-like retorts come from watching good people get hurt. It just upsets me to see a bunny-rabbit walk right into a wolf's saliva-drenched mouth. It brings out my maternal instinct to protect.

Look Januaryman, I don't hate anybody. I just don't want to see Zokk get it. Why don't the guys on this site ever learn from their negative experiences with woman. Are they deaf, dumb, and blind? C'mon if a girl picked up a knife and stabbed you with it, are you going to lay awake in your hospital trying to figure out what you did wrong to her for her to act like that?

Er....yes?

Crikey, how does this go from the poor bloke wanting to contact a girl he had a sympathy for, to waking up stabbed in hospital?

FFS, lighten up girl.