attracting girls with father issues

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muff
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04 Mar 2013, 11:08 pm

hey.

so (first off) im a bit of a queer. ive been attracted enough to 'notice' two girls in the last six months and am uninterested otherwise.

second off, im a beta male, as many of us here might be.

i wanted to pose this question. the girls that seem to be attracted to me (speaking from a longitudinal perspective) all have seemed to have issues with their father. i say 'all' to mean the literal definition of that word. as a beta male, can i expect this to always be the case?

that's the best way i can form my inquiry.

p.s. i strayed from the collective-conscious 'nice guys finish last' because i believe it is a bit off the mark. at times, i finish first, but with the above mentioned women experiencing this difficulty with their schema of the 'male.'



Last edited by muff on 05 Mar 2013, 11:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Brianruns10
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04 Mar 2013, 11:16 pm

To steal a joke from "The Big Bang Theory" maybe you should find out what cologne her dad wore...



1000Knives
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04 Mar 2013, 11:39 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
To steal a joke from "The Big Bang Theory" maybe you should find out what cologne her dad wore...


Maybe I should wear Brut instead of Old Spice, father instead of grandfather...



MountainLaurel
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05 Mar 2013, 12:05 am

I have observed something similar in some of my friends. Those of my women friends who are knee-jerk rebellious against anything that feels authoritarian to them, are also averse to confident men. They gravitate to men who seem to identify as victimized more often than not.

The men they gravitate to are not as; hard working, resilient nor as organized as they themselves are.

All of these women have or had issues with their fathers.

If the women who are attracted to you are operating by the same mechanism as my friends referenced above; as long as you project victimization, you will continue to attract the same audience.

I am not stating this as a judgement; it's just an observation I've made over the the years, knowing a lot of women.



LoriB
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05 Mar 2013, 10:41 pm

I think the basic non confrintational personality of most Aspies does often land them with the more in control NT partner. This doesn't have to mean negative bossy cruel demeaning woman. I know my bf dated women in those catagories. I will say that I am the alpha in most things. Not because I think I am superior or better than him. Not because I think or that he actually can't handle the situations. Just because I was raised being told I was "tough" and taught work ethic and take car of yourself.. and because unlike most people I really have no sense of entitlement. He use to say "I'm sorry" for the smallest of things and I use to get mad because I felt that he was over sincere then I realized people had treated him like crap so long that he expected to be "in trouble" After that.. I changed my ways. I am alpha in that I organize the things we do.. I figure out where we are going when what we need to take print the map etc etc.. But when it comes to strange people in our yard or at our door, someone acting funny near us when we are out... He is the protector and I totally feel he will keep our family safe. The thing is you need to find someone who allows you to feel like a man but still take care of the little things that overwhelm you



uwmonkdm
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06 Mar 2013, 1:54 am

LoriB wrote:
I think the basic non confrintational personality of most Aspies does often land them with the more in control NT partner. This doesn't have to mean negative bossy cruel demeaning woman. I know my bf dated women in those catagories. I will say that I am the alpha in most things. Not because I think I am superior or better than him. Not because I think or that he actually can't handle the situations. Just because I was raised being told I was "tough" and taught work ethic and take car of yourself.. and because unlike most people I really have no sense of entitlement. He use to say "I'm sorry" for the smallest of things and I use to get mad because I felt that he was over sincere then I realized people had treated him like crap so long that he expected to be "in trouble" After that.. I changed my ways. I am alpha in that I organize the things we do.. I figure out where we are going when what we need to take print the map etc etc.. But when it comes to strange people in our yard or at our door, someone acting funny near us when we are out... He is the protector and I totally feel he will keep our family safe. The thing is you need to find someone who allows you to feel like a man but still take care of the little things that overwhelm you


Thank you for this.



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06 Mar 2013, 4:58 pm

Does not having a father present count as a father issue?


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muff
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06 Mar 2013, 6:31 pm

Mindsigh wrote:
Does not having a father present count as a father issue?


i would say it does, yes. that would be in regards to the attachment issues i was referring to.

without making a list or anything, i think of my very best friend, whose father was absent her whole life.

ive 'dating' three girls who identified as lesbians, but actually had childhood sexual traumas with male family members.

please dont mistake me, im not saying that i am upset because i am somehow upset about the condition that these women are in. i am just wondering if being a beta male is somehow tied to being cast in a reparative role for these girls.



muff
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06 Mar 2013, 6:32 pm

uwmonkdm wrote:
LoriB wrote:
I think the basic non confrintational personality of most Aspies does often land them with the more in control NT partner. This doesn't have to mean negative bossy cruel demeaning woman. I know my bf dated women in those catagories. I will say that I am the alpha in most things. Not because I think I am superior or better than him. Not because I think or that he actually can't handle the situations. Just because I was raised being told I was "tough" and taught work ethic and take car of yourself.. and because unlike most people I really have no sense of entitlement. He use to say "I'm sorry" for the smallest of things and I use to get mad because I felt that he was over sincere then I realized people had treated him like crap so long that he expected to be "in trouble" After that.. I changed my ways. I am alpha in that I organize the things we do.. I figure out where we are going when what we need to take print the map etc etc.. But when it comes to strange people in our yard or at our door, someone acting funny near us when we are out... He is the protector and I totally feel he will keep our family safe. The thing is you need to find someone who allows you to feel like a man but still take care of the little things that overwhelm you


Thank you for this.


yes, this was much appreciated.



Cafeaulait
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06 Mar 2013, 7:41 pm

muff wrote:
Mindsigh wrote:
Does not having a father present count as a father issue?


i would say it does, yes. that would be in regards to the attachment issues i was referring to.

without making a list or anything, i think of my very best friend, whose father was absent her whole life.

ive 'dating' three girls who identified as lesbians, but actually had childhood sexual traumas with male family members.

please dont mistake me, im not saying that i am upset because i am somehow upset about the condition that these women are in. i am just wondering if being a beta male is somehow tied to being cast in a reparative role for these girls.


ehm. my father died when i was 15. accoarding to you that would mean i have father issues. just because he's not around right now?
I loved my father to death and still do and I had a GREAT relationship with him.

Having a father absent doesn't mean father issues



muff
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06 Mar 2013, 10:55 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
muff wrote:
Mindsigh wrote:
Does not having a father present count as a father issue?


i would say it does, yes. that would be in regards to the attachment issues i was referring to.

without making a list or anything, i think of my very best friend, whose father was absent her whole life.

ive 'dating' three girls who identified as lesbians, but actually had childhood sexual traumas with male family members.

please dont mistake me, im not saying that i am upset because i am somehow upset about the condition that these women are in. i am just wondering if being a beta male is somehow tied to being cast in a reparative role for these girls.


ehm. my father died when i was 15. accoarding to you that would mean i have father issues. just because he's not around right now?
I loved my father to death and still do and I had a GREAT relationship with him.

Having a father absent doesn't mean father issues


again, i mean no offense. if i cannot use candor on a web forum of my peers, im not sure where i can use it.



LoriB
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06 Mar 2013, 11:21 pm

In print there could be several interpertations of the comment.. Does not having a father present count as a father issue? As an NT the inflection I read was father not present my assumption was it was his choice and she was unhappy about it. So the response was fitting. My father was my world and also has passed away but he is still my hero. Girls, for the most part either try to find someone who treats her like her daddy did or like she wanted her daddy to. To my daddy I could do no wrong.. but he showed the most pride in me when I was strong in difficult situations and when I went above expectation. He also told me all the time that I was tough and could handle anything. So here I am walking around with the I don't NEED anyone but I really want someone attitude. And it had to be a sweet guy. My BF is awesome to me... treats me with kindness and respect.. he also lets me do my alpha thing.. I am never mean or degrading to him I just sort of jump in and take charge and he lets me. He treats our daughter as if the world revolves around her. He has learned to start disciplining her for her own good but if she says play with me he stops what he is doing, if she says talk to me he does right then, if she says look at me he does it. He has taught me to set aside housework (for a bit) and enjoy her. This little girl is going to require some poor guy to treat her like she hung the moon and stars. Then there are the ladies who grow up wanting a man to be a father but there is no man around or worse a string of men in and out and no one being reliable.. "no father present" "father who has passed away" big difference



Cafeaulait
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07 Mar 2013, 6:49 am

muff wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
muff wrote:
Mindsigh wrote:
Does not having a father present count as a father issue?


i would say it does, yes. that would be in regards to the attachment issues i was referring to.

without making a list or anything, i think of my very best friend, whose father was absent her whole life.

ive 'dating' three girls who identified as lesbians, but actually had childhood sexual traumas with male family members.

please dont mistake me, im not saying that i am upset because i am somehow upset about the condition that these women are in. i am just wondering if being a beta male is somehow tied to being cast in a reparative role for these girls.


ehm. my father died when i was 15. accoarding to you that would mean i have father issues. just because he's not around right now?
I loved my father to death and still do and I had a GREAT relationship with him.

Having a father absent doesn't mean father issues


again, i mean no offense. if i cannot use candor on a web forum of my peers, im not sure where i can use it.


Because your assumption is just completely ridiculous.



Cafeaulait
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07 Mar 2013, 6:50 am

LoriB wrote:
In print there could be several interpertations of the comment.. Does not having a father present count as a father issue? As an NT the inflection I read was father not present my assumption was it was his choice and she was unhappy about it. So the response was fitting. My father was my world and also has passed away but he is still my hero. Girls, for the most part either try to find someone who treats her like her daddy did or like she wanted her daddy to. To my daddy I could do no wrong.. but he showed the most pride in me when I was strong in difficult situations and when I went above expectation. He also told me all the time that I was tough and could handle anything. So here I am walking around with the I don't NEED anyone but I really want someone attitude. And it had to be a sweet guy. My BF is awesome to me... treats me with kindness and respect.. he also lets me do my alpha thing.. I am never mean or degrading to him I just sort of jump in and take charge and he lets me. He treats our daughter as if the world revolves around her. He has learned to start disciplining her for her own good but if she says play with me he stops what he is doing, if she says talk to me he does right then, if she says look at me he does it. He has taught me to set aside housework (for a bit) and enjoy her. This little girl is going to require some poor guy to treat her like she hung the moon and stars. Then there are the ladies who grow up wanting a man to be a father but there is no man around or worse a string of men in and out and no one being reliable.. "no father present" "father who has passed away" big difference


Absolutely agree.