Dating Report 3

Post Reply New Topic

So I went out last night with the woman I mentioned in my previous report. It went really well! She's French, a teacher, and we both adore music and talk French cinema. I took her to dinner and then a concert, which we both loved. We talked just about the whole time and and I went away excited by the prospect of getting t know her better. It seemed she enjoyed herself, but does she want to keep going? Or am I blinded my tendency to fall in love with falling in love? Am I as much in love with the prospect of experiencing love, as I am with the actual person?

I'm really trying to do things differently this time, based on all the advice I've gotten here. I'm trying to be myself and not worry about what could be. I'm just trying to go by what I know, which is, "I like this person, I'd like to see her again." But the second date terrifies me more than the first, because it's such an unknown. I so seldom make it to the next date. And where I get into trouble, as you all know, as I'm growing more aware, is I try to hard or push too hard, and I fail to be myself.

But I get mixed up in "The Game," and its many pitfalls. When to do I contact her again? How soon do I ask her out again? How do I play the right balance, between being over eager, but no so passive she thinks I'm not interested. How do I even know if she's interested?

Here's the thing. I lack a strong means of communicating with her. Right now I can reach her through OK Cupid. At the end of the night we hugged and I said I'd like to keep in touch, and I gave her my card with my mobile and email. I sense she is shy, because I didn't even learn her name until we met face to face. So I lack her contact. I DO know enough about her through our conversations, that I know where she works (school teacher), and I could easily look her up in a directory and find an email. But I sense that is stalkerish.

I'm of three minds here, and I don't know which (if any) is the one to follow. One part of me wants to ask her to a movie on Thursday. It's "City Lights," a beautiful Chaplin film, very funny and very romantic. The ideal "couple's movie" with a dollop of art.

The second mind says, "No wait, you're being over eager." Give her a few days, and then maybe write back. Or maybe wait a week, and then casually bring up another meet up. I thought asking her out to visit the local art museum.

Then the third mind, the one who shouts loudest, who I know I should probably ignore, urges me to be the romantic, to go for broke. I'm reminded of what my dad did for my mom after their first date...he sent her flowers. But then again they worked in the same school so it's not *the same* as if I did it, sine we're not coworkers, and the message may be more creepy than sweet. But maybe she MIGHT like that kind of classic romantic gesture?

Or I told her about a silent film I really adore, called "The Passion of Joan of Arc," and how i thought she'd love the music score and the story. I thought about sending her a copy, with a French language translation of the Danish script I've done. Like I'd really impress her? Doing something to say, "You're amazing, I really like you!"

But I know this third option just would probably be disastrous.

What to do? I know I fret too much about these things. I wish I were good enough at this, self confident enough where I could just be chill and whatever, but I know I'm in love with the idea of falling in love and that overrules my common sense.

But I want to give something a try. I believe I've got to do SOMETHING if I want to really make this happen, if it can happen.

Guys and gals, what do I do? Do I do anything?

I to am in love with the prospect of falling in love...of how I can relate...

So I'm guessing you didn't ask her at the end of date one if she would like to get together again? That's typical, but not a big deal if you didn't. It might actually make her more interested. I would say send her a message on okcupid to ask how she is doing. Maybe tell her you had a really good time and are wondering if she would like to get together again. I also have the tendency to rush ahead because I hate the beginning unknowns when you start to get to know someone. So I always think one step at a time. : p so depending on how soon she responds, and of course what she says, then maybe a Thursday movie would be a good idea.

I agree with catwhisperer. Send her a message on okcupid and ask if she's interested in getting together again. Good luck!

Actually we didn't do a movie this first date. We ate out and then went to a live concert, a violinist.

I sorta planted the seed for the movie idea during our date, when we were chatting about our upcoming weeks. I mentioned I was seeing such-and-such on Thursday.

So I will message her back, but maybe not suggest the movie, or leave it to her to ask about it. Instead, I might suggest the art gallery. There's a couple of new French paintings on display that I think she'd enjoy.

I would have asked for her phone number, and contacted her only to arrange a second date. I would have likely phoned her to do so as well. Give you both time to meet up in person and communicate there and minimize contact over the phone or through text message. It should allow more comfort in being yourselves. It also allows the both of you to focus on things that are important elsewhere. You both have lives separate from eachother.

I would also recognize my own strengths and promote my good qualities. Think of what you are good at and that will make you more confident.

Also, you sound polite in the way you do things as you clearly indicate that you don't want to come across as needy, desperate, or insecure. Your polite nature is at odds with your direct nature and that is a good thing. So the best thing to do is to just relax and follow your gameplan on showing interest. You said she seemed shy, so she is likely going to be polite as well. Just give some reassurance that you are interested in seeing her again when you call her for a second date. Say something like "Hey, I enjoyed my time with you the other night. I am thinking about seeing this movie on Friday. I would like for you to join me for some coffee first and then the movie." Obviously, you don't have to do coffee, but I would leave a bit of time open for communication with her before doing a movie.

ok... scrap the movie. Art gallery is perfect for communication and talking about a mutual interest in it. Go for it.

Alas I don't have her phone number. I sense she is private. She doesn't have a facebook, and I found very little doing a google search. So I could understand why maybe she was politely reticent about sharing her phone number just yet.

I'm going with the art gallery option, and this is the message I wrote:

"I just wanted to write and say what a wonderful evening it was! I'm really grateful you suggested [concert performer's name]. It really was a wonderful experience, and it's given me some new ideas for the music track to my documentaries.

Would you like to meet again? At the [art gallery name], there's a wonderful show on Impressionist France that will be closing next month. It looks really terrific!

Best Wishes,

Brian"

See that sounds perfect to me...

I would say the best part is it...

1. Shows interest of further dating
2. Shows that you enjoyed yourself on the last date
3. That you listened to her and took her advice and tried out her idea aka the music and
4. The way you did the second date invite was perfect. You threw out a idea of a place where you went and set out a very open ended but semi firm time frame that the date needs to happen in cause of the gallery closing but still so open ended she can choose at her leisure and not feel rushed or forced to say yes to something right away...

All in all I would say this was very well done...

Good job man and good luck

Brian. I think its safe to go with your gut on this girl. Its clear you want to give her the benefit of the doubt and I think she deserves it right now.

The ball is in her court. Wait and see if she hits it back. Anything else is stalkerish. Whatever you do, don't mention how you tried looking her up all over the web.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com