Asking a guy out/Telling him you like him

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Have you ever been able to ask a guy out or tell him you like him? How did you do?

I've never had a bf and am very lonely because of it. NT's have given me advice but it has not worked, I was wondering how Aspies do it.

I am sorry, I cant help you without some further information (like how well do you know him, when/where do you usually meet him)
Do you have any interests in common?

A woman asking a guy out? That's new. I would think that you wouldn't have to, since it's generally expected that the guy takes the risk of being rejected. After all, if he can't do that, then he must not be worth a damn, right?

actions speak louder than words

I`ve never asked any guy out for a date, and she has to take the risk of being rejected and cope with that, but maybe the guy is too shy to ask her? Someone has to take the first step, either the girl or the boy. I dont see any problems in girls asking a boy out for a date.

A lot of people think that a guy is "worthless" if he's too shy to ask a girl out.

I would`nt pick the insecure shy-guy myself but "worthless"? Maybe he just needs someone to break the ice, show some interest. He might be the nicest and most honest guy of them all. Who knows..

I've been asked out twice (and gotten married ... and separated again) without ever approaching a girl myself.

Why should it be down to the guy to always pursue the girl??????

Well, I suppose being in the "friend zone" is better than being "worthless," but even you admit that he wouldn't be your idea of a boyfriend.

I was just wondering what you thought about shy guys. Sounds like you have a similar opinion as most other people.

I dont get it neither. Maybe its a cultural thing, dont know.

Hey, come to think of it. When I went through a femeinist stage all I wanted to do was be friends with a guy with no strings attached but it never worked
I become quite violent as a result and got my ars kicked by men (not a good idea to pick fights with men)
It was so unbelievably frustrating

They are just not the first ones to catch my eye so to speak. I like guys with self-confidence (without showing off). Like really good-looking guys makes me nervous and a shy guy makes me feel a bit too dominating. But girls are different so "one size do not fit all"

Wow - your attitudes are like something from the 1950's.

Maybe he is not even aware of this young lady. Or doesn't think of her "in that way". I would give a lot of credit to any woman who has the courage to risk rejection in striving to achieve a goal.

That said, I would not "ask him out", per se. Instead, with some knowledge of a shared interest (e.g., jazz?), I would ask if he knew about the jazz concert this Saturday at such-and-such place. I would lead the discussion from there to feel-out his interest in the concert. Once I had ascertained that, then I might ask "would you be interesting in going? I was thinking of attending, but it would be more fun with a second person!" It is an "ask out" with a high degree of deniability!

I believe that this kind of approach (a) is non-threatening and offers a good chance of success, (b) is a "soft start" (it isn't like you are leading him on, and that he should have any expectation you are going to jump into bed with him that evening), and (c) a soft landing if he says "no".

If he seem uninterested in the concert (to continue with this example), drop it. Wait a week, and then based on a different shared interest, try again.

Good luck, Theta_Sigma, whichever approach you choose.

Penny

P.S. Re T_S’s profile, some day before I die I would like to understand people’s fascination with Dr Who.

Last edited by penny07960 on 21 Jul 2008, 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

women should not ask a guy out. that is the man's job.

I dont think it should be catergorised as *eithier*
Who ever wants to ask first > just bloody ask
I fail to see the big deal
Other than what people are making it for themselves..

I like shy guys a lot. I like self-confident guys too (as long as it doesn't border on egotistical). Basically, I like guys who are good people, respectful, share common interests, and are looking for a long-term relationship.

I asked a guy out and got rejected. It hurt, and still does, but for me it is better than wondering. If a guy doesn't like that this is 2008 and woman are equals, then he's not for me, so no problem.

On the other hand, the best relationship I ever had, was a guy I met at a dance. I asked him to dance, but he took over from there and we were together for four years. We are still good friends.