When people ask me if I 'already have a boyfriend'.

Post Reply New Topic

Really, I hate it. People sometimes put sooo much emphasis on that. It's even worse when they say: really? you don't have a boyfriend yet? it didn't expect that from you at all. you're so loveable/nice/sociable/sweet/goodlooking/smart [fill in].

My neighbour, who is 50 years old or something, had the nerve to ask me this today. I've was away to France for 5 months. I came back last month. So she asked me how it was. And then she said 'hey, and do you already have a boyfriend??' With so much interest into it as if she had been working towards the question during the whole entire conversation. And then when I said 'Uhmm, no, not yet' she said "how old are you now? about 20 or 21 right". I: 'yeah, i just turned 21'.
I asked: 'and what about your sons'. She said: 'they've all moved out. all of them are living together with their girlfriends'.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, really.

can't stand it.

Do you have any photos of yourself?

My neighbours wouldn't even start a conversation with me if they could help it so I think you are having more social success than me!

Focusing on relationships and children and who's going out with or marrying who is all NTs do - that's just how they are.
I don't think she necessarily meant anything malicious by it

Think yourself lucky she actually wanted to converse with you!

No. But that's not really relevant, is it?

I think she wants to objectively assess just how good looking you are seeing as it's a frequent aspect of your posts

Otherwise we're just taking your (frequent) word for it aren't we?

hahahahaha your first line made me laugh. i don't know. perhaps i creeped her out with my 'direct eye gaze' and she wont strike up a conversation with me ever again.

I doubt it, it sounds like she's attracted to all the usual shallow stuff most NTs are

"you're so loveable/nice/sociable/sweet/goodlooking/smart [fill in]. "

Just wanted to see why everyone says this, and try and find a logical answer why it *is*, you can't get a boyfriend? I'll have to consider going through some of your posts here too. Balance out your personality and looks.

Well, I never said I was goodlooking. And second, it is not my problem. Not the problem in this topic. So I don't see how that is relevant.

Well i get the same questions from my family....so do you have a boyfriend yet? I always say no not yet. They then have a puzzled look on their faces. My co workers even ask me. I just tell them idk.

Wow Nessa, you were spot on.

Yes, my family is like that too. Especially on my dad's side. It's like they all start dating at 15. All of them. I love them to death but every time I talk them one of the first questions is 'and... do you have a boyfriend yet? It's a really annoying question.

What is the problem?

People asking why you don't have a boyfriend yet?

Having a boyfriend/girlfriend is the 'normal' thing to do hence they wonder why you don't

They look at your appearance and seem to think you are attractive so are wondering what else is preventing you
from having one if not looks

With NTs there may be the inevitable 'are they gay perhaps?' thing entering into it at some point as well

I don't know how much you know about NT mentality but it's premised upon everyone acting the same

ie 'We all find partners and have families - why aren't you doing the same?'

Last edited by nessa238 on 21 Mar 2013, 11:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

Jep. And that is not neccesarily something I want to solve, since I can't stop people asking. I just wanted to see if other aspies also get this question a lot, and what they think of it.

I get people being surprised I have no children

they might ask if I'm married more than if I have a boyfriend - this will be connected to my
age - 47

this will be women more than men - it's just a way of getting to know someone

I used to get it when younger sometimes - things like 'So are you courting?'

It didn't really bother me

I get that all the time at work. I think it's people being nosey, far more than being interested or concerned.

I don't talk to any strangers or acquaintances about my private life, which is highly likely to leave them even more curious.

Well, I do here I guess, but we are like one big family, so that doesn't count.