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Disraeli
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09 Apr 2013, 4:21 pm

I started working at my place of employment about 8 months ago. One of my managers, at first, I don't think liked me so much, as when I first started working I made a lot of mistakes and was skating on thin ice. As time went on I became more confident and was more successful at my job, and my female manager started to warm up to me as she gained more confidence in my ability to do my job. Over the last month, I find that she really likes to talk to me a lot. She smiles and waves at me all the time, and a few weeks ago i was having lunch and she took one of my fries and ate it, in a way that seemed kind of playful, if that makes any sense. Anyways at first when I started working I didn't like her so much as she was not very friendly with me, but lately as our working relationship has blossomed I have developed an attraction to her and found out a few weeks ago that she is single, because another co-worker asked her about a boyfriend and she said she didn't have one. I don't know, though, if she is just being friendly or is mutually attracted to me, as sometimes I find these sorts of things difficult to read. That is all I can say about this, I wish I had some more eivdence to throw out but I can't think of much more at the moment. I would appreciate it if someone could help me decode this situation.



Jainz
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09 Apr 2013, 4:39 pm

It's impossible for me to read those situations too. It happened to me last year. I was picking up signals (or so I thought), but my friend pretty much flat out told me that dating coworkers was a terrible idea. The reason being, if it ever went sour, you'd still have to work with her, and that could be unpleasant for both of you. So I left it alone, and I'm glad I did, because it turned out she wasn't remotely interested. :?

It sucks, I know. :(



goldfish21
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09 Apr 2013, 4:51 pm

Ask.

Ask her if she's interested in going out w/ you outside of work sometime.

Gauge her reaction. If a vague blanket statement sort of question like that gets her to smile and be happy at the thought, then she's likely interested in you and you can further clarify by suggesting you go out for dinner or catch a movie and see what she says then. If she's clearly put off by the thought, then maybe there's no interest on her part and you haven't fully put yourself out there by specifically asking her out on a date sooo then if she doesn't want any interaction with your outside of work, it's much easier to just fake like you weren't implying that you should go out on a date together, but thought it might be nice just to hang out, grab a drink, go do some activity etc simply as friends and you can "save face," vs. be embarrassed.


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eric76
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09 Apr 2013, 5:30 pm

Keep in mind that many companies completely forbid employee relationships like that. Get caught and one or both are likely to be fired for violating company policy.

Also, after the relationship ends (as most do), the one with the lowest status in the company is likely to be laid off or fired.



joku_muko
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09 Apr 2013, 6:24 pm

Do not ever get involved with a co-worker. Imagine if something goes wrong, having to see them everyday its indescribably awkward. That's a peer co-worker.

xinfinity for someone higher up.

Do not put a relationship over your livelihood.



Disraeli
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09 Apr 2013, 7:34 pm

joku_muko wrote:
Do not ever get involved with a co-worker. Imagine if something goes wrong, having to see them everyday its indescribably awkward. That's a peer co-worker.

xinfinity for someone higher up.

Do not put a relationship over your livelihood.


I understand that particular concern; however in this day in age many co-workers date each other and it is not really considered to be inappropriate any longer. I have worked with many people in the past who were dating other of mine co-workers. It is becoming a more normalized practice. And why not? If you see a person for 40+ hours a week, every week, than it is only natural to develop an attraction to the people you are most closest to, i.e. your work colleagues.



eric76
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09 Apr 2013, 8:06 pm

Disraeli wrote:
joku_muko wrote:
Do not ever get involved with a co-worker. Imagine if something goes wrong, having to see them everyday its indescribably awkward. That's a peer co-worker.

xinfinity for someone higher up.

Do not put a relationship over your livelihood.


I understand that particular concern; however in this day in age many co-workers date each other and it is not really considered to be inappropriate any longer. I have worked with many people in the past who were dating other of mine co-workers. It is becoming a more normalized practice. And why not? If you see a person for 40+ hours a week, every week, than it is only natural to develop an attraction to the people you are most closest to, i.e. your work colleagues.


The people I know who dated co-workers at any company of any size did their best to keep it quiet. If their relation had been found out by management, they would have been officially reprimanded and could have lost their jobs.



IlovemyAspie
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09 Apr 2013, 9:12 pm

Typically the problem comes when a subordinate is dating their supervisor/ manager. And in that case some jobs have made adjustments so that subordinate is managed by someone else. Dating between peers is typically okay. At least this is true at my place of employment. One couple were married a year and a half ago and are expecting a baby next month!


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