Communication issues with NT boyfriend

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Hi WP! I'm currently dating a wonderful NT guy and have been for almost a year. We have lots of similar interests and get along pretty well in general. However, lately each of us has been feeling like the other isn't super understanding of our feelings. I can likely infer that my AS has something to do with it, though when I mention this he seems to think I use it as an excuse or crutch.

So basically, two issues. One is that my boyfriend doesn't seem super interested in learning about AS in order to understand, at least a little, where my behavior is coming from. The other is that I care about him and want to show him that I care, but sometimes I don't know what to DO, really. He's really reserved about his feelings and problems and I want to be supportive, but it's difficult for me to be helpful in this emotional aspect.

Ok, I'll go ahead and take a crack at both these issues. Be sure to take everything I say with a grain of salt. After all, I am only a 21 year old guy with an overinflated ego.


1. You mentioned that he seems to think you use AS as an excuse, and this is likely a big part of the reason for his unwillingness to learn more about AS. People generally get quite upset when they feel people are feeding them excuses with no attempt to take responsibility. I think that it would be a good idea to emphasize that AS is not an excuse, but rather an explanation. In order to convince him of this, verbally emphasize that, despite having AS, you will continue to make an effort to understand his feelings and needs, no matter how difficult it may be. Make sure that he understands that you are indeed trying your best; you will likely need to state so several times. After expressing your own commitment to be understanding, you can probably expect him to reciprocate in kind, resolving your first issue.

2. As for the second issue, If you've already expressed a desire and willingness to understand, you're already well on your way. However, there are some other things you can do. Typically, ladies tend to show affection through physical contact and closeness. A light touch can be very comforting all on its own. You can also express that, even if you don't precisely understand his feelings and problems, you want to help and be supportive if at all possible. Even if you can't help in any specific way, he will likely appreciate the effort.

Thanks Troy. I think for 1, I have tried to explain that AS is an explanation, but haven't done this enough times. I do wish he would read about it a bit, becuase I'm not sure if he knows much about the condition beyond the brief summary I told him when I told him I had it.

For 2, I think the physical contact thing would definitely help, but physical contact has always been an issue for me with any human. I don't mind touching him at all as it doesn't make me uncomfortable, but the idea to do it in the first place doesn't come naturally to me. Obviously I'm thinking about it more so hopefully it'll become more of a natural thing to do.