Do you ever wonder...

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Do you ever wonder if we Aspies are as hard to read for NTs as NTs are hard to read for us?

I had someone tell me I was very "mysterious, on top of my game, and hard to read" today... verbatim. BTW, this comment came from a girl I find pretty attractive.

So, two questions:

1.) My original question: are we as hard to read for them as they are to us?
2.) You guys think she likes me?

Yeah, I think we're as hard to read for them as they are for us. Maybe even harder sometimes because they have more specific expectations of how people are meant to behave.

Can't say going by just that one statement of hers, but it does suggest that she might.

Nah, rather sounds to me like she was secretly making fun of you with that comment she made.

But that could be just me though.

1. Yes, definitely. That's why so many of us point out (regarding ToM that it's a two-way street; they don't get us more than we get them.
2. No idea. The two other posters have suggested she mocked you or likes you, so I'll suggest that maybe she just made an observation.

Yes, GF tells me all the time that I am very hard to read and accuses me of being angry, mad, upset, etc when I am neither of those things literally every second day.

On the one hand I am constantly misunderstood. And on the other hand I'm told I wear my feelings and its always obvious what's going on with me. Translation: they think [/i] they know but always get the total wrong idea about my opinions and intentions and also what I'm all about in general. I've also learned NTs can't handle it when they find out they're wrong about me.

With the girl....it could go either way with what she said.

1) I think Aspies are hard to read because of their inconsistent body language that is not reacting to what they are saying or related to the conversation.
2) She probably likes you, so I'll say yes.

Yes and no.

One the yes side of it; the non-verbal cues of many aspies are not stereotypical, thus are misread by NTs. Examples from my workplace (where there seems to be very high percentage of aspies):

- One of the young women is very quiet and keeps to herself. Her non-verbal signals can easily 'read' cold & disinterested. I got to know her a bit and she is not at all a cold person. She's a sweet girl. She concentrates on her job and may be shy.

- One of the older women can seem non-respondent to greetings and conversation. Her cues can seem like snubs. I got to know her and she is warm & caring. Her seeming reticence is, I think, slow verbal processing. I find that if I allow a tiny beat of extra time for her responses, we can converse happily. And she's not stupid, on the contrary, she's quite smart. But one needs to get past the time delay and converse with her in order to learn that.


On the no side of it; NTs are more open to relationship as works in progress. Many of us see relationship as experimental with each individual. This way we can adjust how we read non-verbal cues to the individual in question. Because of this, I have learned to read Britanny and Louisa's cues. My example here segues into your next question:

- Given either woman's cues, I don't think that an aspie guy would ever approach either of them socially (though Britanny is quite cute physically). That's because aspie guys want to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that a woman is open to him before approaching or inviting her. Aspie guys don't want to experiment as I did with each of these women.

Aspie guys want to know; 'What does it mean if a girl ate a french fry off my plate?'; as if that were some universal non-verbal code with a hard and fast meaning, no matter who the fry thief. In reality, when a girl steals your fry, likely it's flirtatious. But it could mean that she has poor dining manners, or she's a sociopath messing with your head, or that she just really really wants that french fry. If that fry thief is attractive to the guy and he's an NT, he's gunna think; 'Did she just flirt with me?' Then he's going to do something playful back at her. Back and forth the interaction goes as two of them communicate their interest or disinterest in each other. The NT guy gets clarification through experimentation and he does it fluidly in the moment.

- Getting back to Brittany, her cues seem rejecting on the surface; one needs to get to know her to realize that she is, in actuality, a warm girl. A guy working with her could draw her out, just as I did (it wasn't hard) but he would have to be the one doing the initiating. Eventually some lucky guy is going to spark to her and end up with one cute, smart, interesting girl.




I don't know. But, I'll tell you this; if that had come out my mouth, it would have been me inviting the guy to further interaction.

But, she is not me. So I don't know for sure. I'd guess that she was expressing both intrigue with you and some frustration at not getting a clear 'read' on you. Frustration is not all bad; think sexual tension, as an example of good frustration.

Go for it. You have already determined that outright rejection is not the end of your game.

Sometimes I wonder whether a significant difference between aspie guys and NT guys in the realm of back & forth flirtation is that the NTs enjoy it (a lot) and the aspie guys dread it.

Is there any way you can adjust your attitude to back & forth flirting; that it could be a fun thing for you?

1. Yes.
2. Yes, but you will find out more if you make the next move, perhaps by asking her a question?

Other people with AS are just as hard for me to read as NTs are. People with Asperger's don't have a common body language exclusively reserved for them, but an impaired (or even worse: nonexistant) ability to read and send out body language as a whole.

1) i believe we are indeed; many 'typical' mannerisms are absent in people on the spectrum, and several others are used in different contexts.
it will be easier for an aspie to read an NT becouse we are aware that the mannerisms are different, we expect the other person to be NT, and are correct most of the time. this is while an NT also expect us to be NT, but is wrong..

2) with such a comment, she would want to at least be friends, but i do not know if there is anything more to the comment.