Mars + Venus = System Overload

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Hi!

No actual question just a couple of thoughts that crossed my mind when reading some posts on this board.

Well, maybe I should have asked how many of you have/have had a "love life" that could look normal to NTs. I wouldn't want to be viewed as someone boasting her "experience" with romantic situations. Anyway I will trust your benevolence and here starts the monologue (which will hopefully turn into a fruitful conversation).

Men and Women... I agree with who said that men and women have different ways of thinking, which instantly pictured in my head the following possible relationships:

She NT + He NT
She NT + HE AS
She AS + He AS
She AS + He NT

+ every LGBT combination, which I'd rather leave to the LGBT community to build if they want to.

Okay... communication is already hard enough between NTs (those who are considered depositary of the fine art of social interaction) what happens when the AS/Intraverted factor makes the scene?

My first point is that the current social requirements and mentality have gone too far from how Man and Woman were programmed. If on one side I can understand and appreciate any variation from what I'm about to say, generally speaking the archaic, ancient, prehistorical and antropologically accepted assumption is that men were "programmed" to reproduce with as many partners as possible, whereas the woman was "programmed" to chose the most eligible partner to reproduce and do her best to maintain his protection and therefore loyalty until the kids were ready to live on their own (which at the time would mean about 11 to 13 years if not even less). Which kinda explanes the male running attitude and the difficulties in the first approach between man and woman.
Nowadays society produces male-like women and woman-like men (LGBT community is not taken into account here, I'm talking about etherosexual behaviour only), which brings even more confusion then before. Think about it, it mus have been difficult enough at the time to follow and/or dominate instincts, and relationships were pretty much reduced to basic needs, if we add to that the implications of social cpmmunication evolution, cultural and religious influence, cultural mixes, philosophical influence and psychological discoveries, things become intricate and complicated to a very high extent.
Here is the confusion: what should a woman do to attract a man? what should a man do to attract a woman?
1) pay attention to standards. NTs (if I were religious I'd say God forgive them) pretty much work by them. Unluckily such standards are a mere estetical thing... which lucky enough can be studied in a sociological perspective and learned!! ! Have you ever realized the"queen bee" in high school is not necessarily better looking on a physical perspective the the little geek girl that spends the break studing in a corner? Or that many Nerds are fare more attractive then the huge sports guy that is all muscles and no brain? I have. I wrote down a list of physical characteristics socially considered good looking and guess what? Those who usually are at the center of the attention never match the points on the list
2) what is the standard based on? Truth. Or better said an assumption about truth that sais "Truth is what is being told" which would be interesting to discuss BUT is true if applied to social settings! So basically, the idea is, if you can fake trusting yourself long enough to lurk your prey out of social settings the trick is pretty much done . Fake what? Fake confidence (unless you have it). A fashion dress (I know, fashion is really nonsense to me too) with well matched shoes and accessories (moms can really help with this!) and what I call a Sunday Smile (faked smile) will do the trick. As to men instead, as far as my reasearch went for you it's not really just a matter of confidence (which by the way, girls, doesnt mean you can't be shy, shy is always attractive in a woman) it's more a matter of an air of superiority (which would resume the expression "girls always chose the jerk).
2) Seduction rules make life easier! True! It's all about giggling and nodding at anything a guy sais for girls and for boys well make a woman laugh and that's it lol (it works with NTs). Few women will not appreciate a man who knows what he wants and few men will not appreciate a woman who patiently and silently listens and throws in a question now and then (NTs that is).
3) READ COMMUNICATION BOOKS! Why? Simply because they were written by NTs and explayn NTs' communication patterns, which is very hard to apply to a mass but very easy to apply for a short time in a face to face conversation, until acceptance has come to a point allowing just being yourself (it's a matter of a few hours if not less) .

What I found out during my research is that this is pretty much what it's all about being in social settings: faking. Add this to my inability to get jokes and sarcasm, and the fact that most people consider themselves geniuses when they actually can't even grasp basic concepts and you'll understand why I had about 8 long term relationships, 1 one night stand (a well applied scientific approach requires sacrifice sometimes ) and almost no friends in my life.

I think I threw in everything I wanted to trow in... except for this:

The reason why 7 of those relationships ended (and they ended pretty bad) is that people do not want to be touched inside and I have a hard time being touched outside if I don't reach the right degree of human contact. What I look for in a relationship and my boyfriend is providing is a nurturing environment with a very high degree of human contact. If I feel lonely in the relationship I will freeze and shutdown until I litterally explode and yell at the person everything I hadn't said before (which is totally WRONG but inevitable for me). As to why people have so much interest in physical contact and almost no interest in human contact is beyond me...

Any thought?

Men are from Mars a quiet cold planet with iron oxide all over the place, while women are from Venus a very hot and violent planet with volcanoes and sulphuric acid rain!

^^^^
Mars is red in the night sky,and and Venus is always lovely as the morning or evening star.
It's very bright.

Well I love jokes and sarcasm. The problem is other people don't appreciate or find funny my brand of it.

I think that a relationship between a NT guy and an AS girl might have fewer communication problems than if they were both NTs. After all, guys are always asking us to be more direct, and if I am any indication, AS girls are more direct than NTs.

Have you tried to overdo? If you push it to the edge of riddiculous it will be funny for not being funny weird but true and tested

I'm with you 100% here *thumb up*

@ the first two funny buddies: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Just one thumb up?

*thumbs

both

Heh, typos.

I am finding a relationship between my aspie self and my sweetie's aspie self is developing along these lines- communications oft-times get snarled as in this little vignette from a doctor's office, of a conversation between an old man and his geriatric doctor, who tells him "you've got to get that blood pressure down," to which the old man replies quizzically, "pressure brown?" to which the doctor replies, "no, we'll discuss THAT problem later, first we have to get your more emergent condition treated," to which the old man quizzically replies, "but i don't have constipation..."

If I get the joke right (just had a brief consultation with my NT bf ) you mean that it's a sort of continuous funny-not-so-funny misunderstanding to clear, right? With an NT it'd be the same... just with potentially less understanding and a little less patience in explaining... Like... we're playing a RPG on with the smartphone in which we have a guild, since I got absorbed first by kitchen and cooking and then by an online RPG I didn't play for about 2 months, therefore he had taken away from me the title "vice-leader" and he had informed me about it. The guild was built by me as a small present to him when we started playing. When he took away the title he said he would give it back to me once i came back and he had promised not to name any other vice-leader. Since I was collapsing under the weight of researches about Asperger, which had already gone on non stop for a bunch of weeks, I felt the urge to find another special interest, cause I had already started reading psychiatric specialistic reviews and I thought it was a little bit beyond normal, so... what happened was that my brain chose right that smartphon game as a new special interest... when I jumped in the guild to say "hi" I found out he had named another vice-leader. Now:
rationally: I know there's no limit to the number of vice leaders, so it shouldn't be a problem
instinctively and uncotrollably: I imploded and then melted down yelling any possible thing going across my mind to my poor cat... when he arrived home I had calmed down a little, but I still felt the urge to give him a piece of my mind...
How do you explain to an NT such a reaction? How do you tell an NT how important a special interest is? How do you explain he should be more clear and coherent with his intentions?
meh... no clue... I tried and he said he understands and is sorry, but I'm never 100% sure he really understands, because I know he can't relate... which is... frustrating

^^^
your challenge is to find some area [of life] when you are together, where you outperform him, or where he is weak. then, you can tell him words to the effect of "you know when you are having a hard time doing so and so, that is what it feels like for me in my own area of weakness." as an NT, he should be able to understand that. you have to make it real for him, IOW. or, you could simply tell him, "you know how important regular sex is for you? my online RPG is that important to me. capiche? "