Finally had the courage to ask a girl out, freaking out

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Again, hello. I am a 21 year old university student, with no mind for what dating compromises, because I have had no ability and particularly, opportunity (due to my family circumstances and their movement all around the place), to initiate any romantic connections. Parents were often very strict and sheltered from the rest of society, and antisocial.

Now I just asked a girl out, and it was harder than I imagined. It was to 'hang out' some place, and she replied that we should go out and get 'some coffee sometime'. Which means something I guess, but like i think she asked me this same thing before 'let's get coffee to discuss x and y' further, but i totally for some reason (probably my aspergers) missed the fact that she meant, 'let's go out on a date' or 'i want to get to know you better, to go out on a date'.

humorously, why this is important, is that i had previously posted here, freaking out about whether i should ask her out, and whether she liked me to begin with. When, i totally forgot, that the girl like, pretty much asked me out not too long ago herself, and my aspie mind missed it, like an aspie mind would.

I suck. So now, I am stuck with not knowing what to do, turning 21 next month. i've never even been kissed! :'( so yeah that is all very awkward and embarassing and paralyzing.
Should i tell her in the middle of the date?

how do i go about this?

This may sound odd....but the first thing you need to do is find out if it actually is a date. A girl telling you you should grab coffee some time doesn't necessarily mean it's a date, so you might have to play it by ear. If you try and set something definite up and she says "I'm kinda busy, I'll get back to you"....it's not ever going to happen. If she brings someone else along, or suggests you grab that coffee when she is with her friends...not a date. If she drops some f-bombs when arranging something; "Sure, I'd love to have a friendly coffee", or "I love getting together with friends for a coffee"....not a date.

So just play it by ear.

Not an odd thing to ask at all. However, it is a bit detached from what I wrote. It is clear that this is a date, what would happen if I asked, and it turned out it was just a 'meet up' and not a date? A meet up is, in fact, a meet up, and can lead to a romantic relationship, since we are already close and have some tension between us.

Not sure where you are at with relationships, but from what I can see with my interactions with girls, this one is a bit different, as she had tried to initiate a meet up with me before, but it totally went over my head.

What do you mean, 'play it by ear'? I have no idea how that relates to what i wrote.

Thanks for caring though. I'm just a little confused and blunt about these things, that is all.

The biggest thing is to just relax and have a good time without expectation. I went on countless dates, got so frustrated you could literally see the bitterness in my eyes and when I dated my now wife, I just said to myself "You know what? f*** it. I will just meet her for 30 minutes at Starbucks. Nothing more." Before I realized it, we started seeing each other more and more and within a month I knew she was the one.

You are probably going to mess it up more than once and that's okay! The only thing I regret is that I was too scared to try at your age: sure, I would probably have fallen on my face but it would have been a valuable learning experience. Rejection happens to everyone and it's not the end of the world: in fact it gets easier and easier.

I was 29 before my first kiss. I would take it back in a heartbeat if I could because she was crazy and my desperation made me overlook the obvious signs.

"Play it by ear" means going into the situation without a set plan of actions, and instead deciding what to do as a reaction to the things that happen. eg if it is a date then act according to that, but if you get there and it turns out it isn't a date you need to act according to that situation too.