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Being the man is too stressful

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Tyri0n
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01 Jun 2013, 11:32 pm

It seriously is. I went on a date today that kind of happened randomly, and the girl was a very passive, traditional girl who expected me to take the lead on everything, which is kind of odd because she was the one to suggest going out originally.

I find taking the man's role on either date's or in other aspects of a relationship to be too stressful. For one thing, my navigation and fine motor skills are s**t due to NLD, which makes me incompetent or slow at a wide variety of normal tasks. The threat of being exposed and judged is too much, so I have decided that normal dating is too stressful.

I wish it were simply possible to reverse gender roles. I hate being relied upon when I don't know anything. I just can't do it, and it makes me very tired and irritable. If I were to remain identifying as straight, what would I need to do to identify women who are more willing to take the lead role? The alternative would be to see if I have an actual gay side. Isn't it weird to wish I had been born gay? It's like I can't take advantage of straight male privilege much at all, and I think if I were not straight, I would feel less isolated. Weird, right?



MXH
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01 Jun 2013, 11:46 pm

Yep, its why I've given up on dating, and so on. It seems as if every step is more full of the same hoops. It never ends.



yellowtamarin
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02 Jun 2013, 12:07 am

I dunno, look for women who don't seem to be too stereotypical to their gender? As in, maybe look for sporty women or women with short hair or women who don't wear much make-up. They might be less likely to conform to the "traditional" female roles.

Also you might need to compromise a bit, as in, try a woman who doesn't believe in a "lead role" but who prefers to work together or take turns with this sort of stuff. You'll have to do some of the work but not all of it. I call this the "relaxed, sensible approach" to dating.



MXH
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02 Jun 2013, 12:12 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
I dunno, look for women who don't seem to be too stereotypical to their gender? As in, maybe look for sporty women or women with short hair or women who don't wear much make-up. They might be less likely to conform to the "traditional" female roles.

Also you might need to compromise a bit, as in, try a woman who doesn't believe in a "lead role" but who prefers to work together or take turns with this sort of stuff. You'll have to do some of the work but not all of it. I call this the "relaxed, sensible approach" to dating.

Idk about him but for me it goes beyond roles. Im just too socially clueless and very curious but realistic at the same time. I wouldn't be able to tell if a girl was hitting on me and took the lead anyways.



yellowtamarin
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02 Jun 2013, 12:24 am

MXH wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
I dunno, look for women who don't seem to be too stereotypical to their gender? As in, maybe look for sporty women or women with short hair or women who don't wear much make-up. They might be less likely to conform to the "traditional" female roles.

Also you might need to compromise a bit, as in, try a woman who doesn't believe in a "lead role" but who prefers to work together or take turns with this sort of stuff. You'll have to do some of the work but not all of it. I call this the "relaxed, sensible approach" to dating.

Idk about him but for me it goes beyond roles. Im just too socially clueless and very curious but realistic at the same time. I wouldn't be able to tell if a girl was hitting on me and took the lead anyways.

Well I was just trying to answer his question "what would I need to do to identify women who are more willing to take the lead role?". That's about the limit of my suggestions on the topic :P



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02 Jun 2013, 12:31 am

Tyri0n wrote:
It seriously is. I went on a date today that kind of happened randomly, and the girl was a very passive, traditional girl who expected me to take the lead on everything, which is kind of odd because she was the one to suggest going out originally.

I find taking the man's role on either date's or in other aspects of a relationship to be too stressful. For one thing, my navigation and fine motor skills are sh** due to NLD, which makes me incompetent or slow at a wide variety of normal tasks. The threat of being exposed and judged is too much, so I have decided that normal dating is too stressful.

I wish it were simply possible to reverse gender roles. I hate being relied upon when I don't know anything. I just can't do it, and it makes me very tired and irritable. If I were to remain identifying as straight, what would I need to do to identify women who are more willing to take the lead role? The alternative would be to see if I have an actual gay side. Isn't it weird to wish I had been born gay? It's like I can't take advantage of straight male privilege much at all, and I think if I were not straight, I would feel less isolated. Weird, right?


I agree 100%. I hate the idea. that I have to carry on the conversation, that I have to always approach the woman first.
I can do all this, but if you know my post. My conversation and approach skills are kinda of weird, cocky, and funny/stupid.
it be nice, if a woman could just go up to me and just talk and without putting pressure on me to do everything.

the more the woman talk, better it is for me, the more I talk, the less woman would ever date me.



billiscool
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02 Jun 2013, 12:37 am

to this day, I still regret losing my ex girlfriend. For us more dating challenge autism guys, she was the best.
she could carry on a conversation, didn't care if I had problems. she was awesome.
too bad, I was a dick back then. f--k. Im pissed off now.

she was the only woman that really understood me, and know the right way to talk to me.



yellowtamarin
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02 Jun 2013, 1:40 am

billiscool wrote:
I hate the idea. that I have to carry on the conversation...

What do you mean, that you have to carry on the conversation? If the conversation isn't flowing, wouldn't that just be a sign that you aren't connecting too well (or that one or both of you lack skills in conversing)? I didn't realise it was a man's "role" to keep a conversation going...sounds strange to me. If the women seems to be refusing to talk...just stop talking? :?



billiscool
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02 Jun 2013, 1:46 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
billiscool wrote:
I hate the idea. that I have to carry on the conversation...

What do you mean, that you have to carry on the conversation? If the conversation isn't flowing, wouldn't that just be a sign that you aren't connecting too well (or that one or both of you lack skills in conversing)? I didn't realise it was a man's "role" to keep a conversation going...sounds strange to me. If the women seems to be refusing to talk...just stop talking? :?


meaning. I would rather have the woman do all the talking, like my ex girlfriend did.
it makes it easy for me.

more I talk, the more the women going to find out, there something wrong with me.
if they couldn't tell it already.

but it fun trying and I do enjoy talking to ladies, even though I am in shape,cocky,weird/eccentric
autism guy, from and living in oregon, with a southernish accent.



DialAForAwesome
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02 Jun 2013, 7:01 am

First you say women have it harder, now you're saying being the man is too stressful.

Make up your mind already.

:?


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The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Jun 2013, 7:06 am

DialAForAwesome wrote:
First you say women have it harder, now you're saying being the man is too stressful.

Make up your mind already.

:?


:lol:



The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Jun 2013, 7:07 am

Tyri0n wrote:
It seriously is. I went on a date today that kind of happened randomly, and the girl was a very passive, traditional girl who expected me to take the lead on everything, which is kind of odd because she was the one to suggest going out originally.

I find taking the man's role on either date's or in other aspects of a relationship to be too stressful. For one thing, my navigation and fine motor skills are sh** due to NLD, which makes me incompetent or slow at a wide variety of normal tasks. The threat of being exposed and judged is too much, so I have decided that normal dating is too stressful.

I wish it were simply possible to reverse gender roles. I hate being relied upon when I don't know anything. I just can't do it, and it makes me very tired and irritable. If I were to remain identifying as straight, what would I need to do to identify women who are more willing to take the lead role? The alternative would be to see if I have an actual gay side. Isn't it weird to wish I had been born gay? It's like I can't take advantage of straight male privilege much at all, and I think if I were not straight, I would feel less isolated. Weird, right?


So I guess you're not the one who drives?



Tyri0n
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02 Jun 2013, 7:45 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
It seriously is. I went on a date today that kind of happened randomly, and the girl was a very passive, traditional girl who expected me to take the lead on everything, which is kind of odd because she was the one to suggest going out originally.

I find taking the man's role on either date's or in other aspects of a relationship to be too stressful. For one thing, my navigation and fine motor skills are sh** due to NLD, which makes me incompetent or slow at a wide variety of normal tasks. The threat of being exposed and judged is too much, so I have decided that normal dating is too stressful.

I wish it were simply possible to reverse gender roles. I hate being relied upon when I don't know anything. I just can't do it, and it makes me very tired and irritable. If I were to remain identifying as straight, what would I need to do to identify women who are more willing to take the lead role? The alternative would be to see if I have an actual gay side. Isn't it weird to wish I had been born gay? It's like I can't take advantage of straight male privilege much at all, and I think if I were not straight, I would feel less isolated. Weird, right?


So I guess you're not the one who drives?


Yes, I am. Which is stressful and scary/life-threatening to passengers. :lol: But I recently moved to a non-car city, which has removed this as an issue.



Tyri0n
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02 Jun 2013, 7:48 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
I dunno, look for women who don't seem to be too stereotypical to their gender? As in, maybe look for sporty women or women with short hair or women who don't wear much make-up. They might be less likely to conform to the "traditional" female roles.

Also you might need to compromise a bit, as in, try a woman who doesn't believe in a "lead role" but who prefers to work together or take turns with this sort of stuff. You'll have to do some of the work but not all of it. I call this the "relaxed, sensible approach" to dating.


Yeah, a 50-50 split would be fine and a huge improvement over what I have experienced. Some of what I mean by being "the man" is difficult to explain. But the women I attract are often very passive and traditional, so whatever most guys experience, I tend to experience to an extreme.



Tyri0n
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02 Jun 2013, 7:51 am

DialAForAwesome wrote:
First you say women have it harder, now you're saying being the man is too stressful.

Make up your mind already.

:?


Context? :roll:

This thread is about me personally, not a general denial of the existence of male privilege.



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02 Jun 2013, 7:59 am

Tri0n? Has complaints about being a man? You need a good biker lady Tri0n, or an mma lady, maybe a little spitfire will cheer you up? I am certainly aware you have the skills to attract ladies, so my tips are to go where the less traditional ladies hang out, ya know, to get away from stuff you don't like. I can't think of many places in Texas, I've never been there. If it makes you feel any better, I can't get any girlfriend right now in my area, best of luck!


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