To those who all think directness is the answer

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Firstly, no this isn't to any specific individual, but to lots of you in general. Lots of you advice that being blunt with a man is the way to ask him out, or find out for sure that he is into you.

This may apply for some of you, but with men in general including aspie men it couldn't be further from the truth. Being direct is like demanding an answer too soon, and it appears you want to hold him down/control him...and so the reality is if you're too direct with a man, or a woman, s/he runs off.

There, I said it.

And now you'll delete your post in 3...2..1..

No, because it isn't personal.

So what are you suggesting otherwise?

Look, here's a ball...go fetch.

No, I am staying here.

I agree that's it's true that surprising an aspie guy is a bad idea, but that doesn't mean you can't be direct with him.

I think aspies want is someone to escalate their flirting until the only thing left to do is to come out and say the 100% truth.

So, way more than required by NTs, but not sudden.



Do I have this right guys?

The woman has not needed to be passive and reserved in any of the happy relationships I know, though there's something to be said for tact and not asking a man to marry you on the 2nd date. Some people like to turn dating into a huge game with far too many arbitrary rules that go beyond manners and personal space, but that doesn't mean you need to participate.

Look at it this way... You can either play by those rules to begin with and continue playing by them throughout your entire relationship after founding it on them, or you can add it as another filter to help you find someone more open-minded and communicative. I and all the people I know who didn't join in are enjoying our relationships and consider passing over the ones that would have required silly, outdated practices worth it.

I disagree. It only applies if people like the game playing involved so often. Being direct may not be the most socially acceptable way to approach people, but when you meet people who can, you know they at least have some cojones/guts.

Being direct and being controlling are two different things. I don't think I have ever responded negatively to someone respectfully telling me what he/she thought about me, even if the opinion that person had of me was not what I wanted it to be.

I would prefer if someone said it to me like this: "So, this is my position. Expecting an answer within 7 days."

Being direct is different from taking it slow. By being direct, most here mean say what you mean. If a girl says I love you, we want her to mean it, not be jumping the gun and not knowing what she is talking about. If she waits to tell us this, she will still be being direct. Escalation up to that point is key, we want to know the love is growing, not just one big blur of unknowns. I know what you mean though, many people will misunderstand and just blurt out things and jump the gun on key parts of growth in a relationship with an aspie. Keeping it inside till the time is right is still being direct, just a little more work, for greater reward!

The OP seems to be advocating that women play "Head Games" with the men they're interested in.

Screw that. Head games either: (1) frustrate an Aspie male because he doesn't know what the "rules" are from one encounter to the next, (2) confuse an Aspie male because he doesn't know if she's serious or not, or (3) are completely wasted on an Aspie male because he considers them part of the Female/NT/goofball culture.

The direct approach has always worked best for me.

Besides, only people who are trying to sell me something I don't want or need will "beat around the bush" and play head games with me.