How to find a girlfriend that won't take up lots of time?
So basically, if I do get a girlfriend, I don't want her initially spending disproportionate amounts of my time. Like for example, my sister's boyfriend is at my house for about 10 hours everyday. I don't wanna be spending 10 hours of my day with anyone. I want a girlfriend that I can initially call/IM/text 1-3x a day (missing a few days a week is OK,) and maybe hang out with 1-2x a week or so for like 3-4 hours. I guess eventually we'd work up into more time (I mean eventually that's what happens when you get married, right?) But I doubt there's anyone I know that I could put up with being around for 10 hours a day unless I knew them quite a long time.
So, what are some signs I should look for in a girl to find one that'd be good at giving me space, both for recharge time, and time for my hobbies and whatnot? I'm assuming a girl having hobbies/life of her own/friends, would be a good start, right? Anything else?
Someone with their own hobbies/friends/life is pretty important either way. But yeah, these things have always played out naturally in my relationships. If I started dating someone and they sent a lot of texts, I would send a text letting them know I'm not ignoring them, and let them know I just like a lot of time and space to myself.
It's hard to predict how things like this will go.
One good indicator might be how frequently she contacts you from the beginning, before you're serious, before you've had a talk about dating exclusively(if that's what you're going for) and so on.
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I don't mind talking for a lot of time, and it's a good way to get to know each other, obviously. But I don't think I want to spend 10 hours a day, live with her, etc, after knowing her a month or a couple weeks. That's more my thing. Like some of my friends I talk to a lot, but I know if I was around them constantly I'd probably get into conflicts/etc more than just talking on the phone.
The other thing too I find weird about some of my friends relationships is they seem very...rushed. As in they're very eager to live with their girlfriend right away. And then it's like "well you don't truly know someone until you live with them" which I guess is true, but you can visit their house and get a decent idea, right? Or have them stay like 3-4 days with you or something. Hmm. Then they get into weird like married couple issues like complaining about each others hobbies and stuff like that, and I'm like, why would you even bother going through the trouble of living with each other if you don't have kids?
The other thing too I find weird about some of my friends relationships is they seem very...rushed. As in they're very eager to live with their girlfriend right away. And then it's like "well you don't truly know someone until you live with them" which I guess is true, but you can visit their house and get a decent idea, right? Or have them stay like 3-4 days with you or something. Hmm. Then they get into weird like married couple issues like complaining about each others hobbies and stuff like that, and I'm like, why would you even bother going through the trouble of living with each other if you don't have kids?
I'm pretty sure the way you feel is perfectly normal...in fact I'd wager that the majority of people feel the same. So I don't think that you need to do anything differently to find a girlfriend who will provide you the space you need, just be upfront with anyone you're seeing about your personal needs and I'm sure they'll understand. And if they don't, then that's their problem!
The_Face_of_Boo
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I prefer balance because I am balanced myself in these matters, I would text her like every next day or once a day but not more than that, and maybe a call once in a week to plan something.
Women who texted me a lot day and night made me go nuts.
And women who never initiate and have zero sense of reciprocity made me upset too (ie. like never initiate anything, they never call you if you don't even for a 2 weeks, showing that they really don't care whether you're dead or not).
I've never dated a balanced one, it was always one of the 2 extreme cases, either super clingy or super I_don't_care_If_you_are_Dead
The woman I've just saw yesterday barely initiated (maybe only once) but...hmm, it was the first meet up yesterday so it's too early to assume anything.
Good luck with that!
Women (and relationships) are a massive time-sink.
Luckily for us when we get one we like, we willingly leap into that time-sink.
Try not to be so practical about it. =)
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A balanced one???
ROFL I could write reams on this!
Half the women that read it would want to murder me slowly, and the other half would say, "Yeah, he's pretty much right."
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(14.01.b) cogito ergo sum confusus
On my day's off I was with my ex boyfriend all the time all day long. We would play video games together and watch TV and movies. I would also go to his house sometimes but lot of times I would come and pick him up because I didn't like is messy bedroom and then I would take him home the day before I work.
Honestly I wouldn't want a partner whom I couldn't spend lot of time with. I want to get to know them and see how things click, you can't know for sure over text or online. I can remember when my last ex boyfriend ignored my calls and IMs and he was so hard to get hold of I didn't want a relationship where i felt single so that is on my no list. I could have seen him in the middle of the night and help out there in the shack where they put newspapers together before delivering them but I didn't 't want that. I also knew he was busy so I kept waiting for him and hoping he wasn't busy so I kept on calling him until my mother told me he had moved on and we aren't together anymore, I felt relieved. Also the fact he kept a piece from me Dish Network wanted and he finally gave it back to me after I had a massive meltdown and posted about it here. I don;t know if it was a coincidence or if he saw my post here and decided he better do it to end my distress and massive anxiety Dish Network was putting on me because of him. I do not want to be with someone who is not going to do something until I have a meltdown for them to realize how important it is to me to get them to listen because words never helped. he didn't find it important so he thought it wasn't important to me either after I told him how it was important for me. I don't want a guy like that. He never even apologized either for the trouble he has caused me so I still don't forgive him.
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Or an aspie girl who won't answer her text and calls and emails, etc and ignores you for long periods of the time and leaving you hanging wondering if she is mad at you or if you two are still together or not.
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
