The REAL reason why you don't have a girlfriend/wife

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So many guys on here post about how they wish they had a girlfriend or they wish they were married and they're wondering why they don't have the relationship they want, and then they come up with all kinds of theories and stories as to why they are still single. In reality however, there is only one reason why they are still single and it is a very simple reason. So why are you still single?

Is it because you have aspergers? Nope.

Is it because you're not physically attractive? Nope.

Is it because you're not rich? Nope.

Is it because you don't drive a hot ferrari? Nope.

Is it because of any reason other than you and your self limiting beliefs? Nope.

That's right - the only real reason why you're not in a relationship right now is because of you. You are the only thing that is stopping yourself from being in one, let alone a good one. The question is do you REALLY want to be in one? Is it the one thing you truly desire? If it is, then unless you are literally incarcerated for life and are literally shackled to the floor in a room by yourself, nothing can stop you except yourself. In other words, you would not make up any excuses as to why you're not taking action or why you're not getting what you want for yourself. Otherwise, I'm not convinced that you really want it bad enough. I'm pretty certain that if you had a gun to your head and if your life was at stake, you would make absolutely no excuses.

So here's some points to help you get the girl of your dreams:

1) STOP THE NEGATIVE SELF-TALK. Seriously, no one wants to hear it, not on Wrong Planet and not in real life. If you can't love yourself for who you are, then you can never convince someone else to. The negative self-talk does nothing but bring yourself down and bring down others around you. The stories that you make up about yourself (e.g. I'm too fat, I'm not funny enough, I'm not talkative enough) are just that - stories. They are stories you BELIEVE are reality because you constantly tell yourself these stories over and over again until they get imprinted into your brain, thus becoming true for you. Turn it around and start saying positive things about yourself, realize why people like you, and find ways to improve yourself if you're not happy with a certain aspect of yourself (e.g. hit the gym, read books on body language, go out more).

2) Stop comparing yourself to other people. Who cares how easy other guys have it when it comes to getting into relationships or how successful other people are in life compared to you. They come from a completely different background and they should play no part in what you do. If you are constantly comparing yourself to others who are supposedly better, you will never be happy and you will be thwarted. Everyone has their own sets of strengths and weaknesses - Only be concerned with yours.

3) Get out there and keep trying! Quit posting on Wrong Planet about how much of a failure you are because you didn't get the girl you want or because you got rejected or some other BS reason. Like anything in life, it takes a lot of hard work and dedication. If you're willing to commit, if you're willing to put in the time and the effort and take the pain that is associated, you will eventually succeed. Every interaction should be nothing more than a learning experience. Whatever the outcome is should not matter. As Nietzsche said, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If it takes you months to get a relationship, great. If it takes you years, no problem. As long as you keep trying and don't give up despite how many times you don't get the result you want, you will eventually get what you want.

So, with that said, there should be NO MORE EXCUSES

Legend

Amen brother, preach it...

the real reason why i dont have a girlfriend is because i am homosexual

maybe the reason alot of aspie men don't date is because of stupid social rule men have to make the first move.
Plus alot of pressure on men on how they suppose to act when talking to the ladies.
alot of aspie men can come off as being weird and creepy around the ladies.
since our society tell us, that men must show ''confidence'' and not give off bad ''vibes''
around the ladies, it going be very hard for many aspie men to get dates.

and some aspie men are too shy to even talk to the ladies, how are they suppose to get a girlfriend.
No girls are going to ask them out,and they are too shy/nervous/scared to girls themselves.

Yeah man, I just gotta believe.

Oh yes, a disorder that causes significant impairs in social skills will have no impact whatsoever on romantic success. Of course.

lol. Yes, of course it impairs our ability to socialize and pair up. maybe the OP agrees, too.
I think a point that might not have been made is that we can choose to learn to cope with our Aspergers or find "workarounds" for some of its hinderances.

We can also choose to let it beat us and reduce us to rambling and monologuing in a forum about love and dating like a special interest. Of course depending how high or low functioning you are this might not be so much of a choice but a trait.

Quasimodo couldn't get a gf too not because he was disformed and mentally challenged, but because of him. He kept living in church, ringing the bells and feeding pigeons...

/lol


btw you're partially right but it isn't that simple.

Plus we heard such advice in different versions million of times before here.

You just do it...and you keep doing it. Eventually the awkward will become second nature.

Says the person who never tried, or tried a few times and gave up after.

I just need to find people who aren't busy, and don't see me as a maniac.

I wasn't aware Who_Am_I is a lesbian

I always found this kind of 'positivist' statements quite funny. Specially since they basically say 'Hey, stop being so negative, be aware that it's not about your circumstances, they're just excuses, it's about you not doing well enough'. Telling somebody that he's making excuses and not trying hard enough, quite a interesting way of 'not being negative'.



Well, perhaps you're not gonna compare yourself to other people, but be sure that the rest of the world will do it for you. A girl can have only one boyfriend, a job can have only one selected appliant, there's no place for number two. Yeap, not comparing yourself helps to keep your moral high, but comparing helps to discover what you're doing wrong. So it depends on what you need more.



This Nietzsche way of life, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, sounds very well. But the reality it's that all those things that didn't kill Nietzsche didn't make him stronger. They made him crazy. Literally. Rejection, for example, doesn't make you stronger. Perhaps it does in some amount, but after some point it can keep hurting, and make people frustratred and bitter. All those things that 'don't kill you' can leave emotional scars. And when those emotional scars reach a level, well, there's a word for it: damaged gods. We're vulnerable, and that's something that we should remember.

My life experience disproves your theories. If you were really getting rejected as often as you say you do or as often as you think it takes someone to go crazy, you would realize that a) receiving one or a couple rejections on one night is more painful than receiving, say, 50 because it gets to a point where you're used to it; and b) You'll only go insane if you do the same exact thing over and over and expect different results.

As far as your take on positive thinking goes, let me ask this - Are you more likely to believe it when someone says something negative about you regardless of whether it's actually true or not? If so, how is that any different than believing in the positive? It's the same exact thing, but you are more likely to believe what's negative because you view your life as negative - Negative is your current identity and this you are attracted to the negative.

As far as the comparisons go, yes people will compare you and they may compare you unfairly, but that is none of your business. Different people have preferences, and I'm sure there are things about you that people see in a more positive light when compared to others (even if you deny it). My point was you shouldn't be constantly comparing yourself to others, because that is counterproductive when it comes to reaching goals because you will then never be satisfied with what you have despite making great accomplishments. Someone will always be better than you in whatever, and you shouldn't let that hinder you.

Lower your standards too. That is a good one to throw in there.