Sex before anything else

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Alla
Deinonychus

Joined: 1 Dec 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 350
Location: Cork, Ireland

22 Jun 2013, 10:15 am

My aspie and I have been seeing each other for over seven months now. Everytime we meet at his place or mine, the first thing we want to do is have passionate sex for about an hour or so. We don't even say anything to each other......it's like the minute we enter the door it's down to sex. Business and hanging out have to wait until after sex is out of the way.

Do you think that this is normal after eight months or is it that our relationship is purely based on sex? We go out together with mutual friends, but even then the desire for sex is strong. It's like we don't feel calm with each other if the sex isn't out of the way first.

AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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22 Jun 2013, 10:45 am

It sounds good that you two still have passion after seven months, although a change of pace from usual habits can be good, too. :bball:

Alla
Deinonychus

Joined: 1 Dec 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 350
Location: Cork, Ireland

22 Jun 2013, 10:56 am

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:

It sounds good that you two still have passion after seven months, although a change of pace from usual habits can be good, too. :bball:

To be honest, sex keeps getting better and better. It wasn't as good in the beginning.

DefinitelyKmart
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 4 Apr 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 262

22 Jun 2013, 11:21 am

(hate the term my aspie, as if we are like furbies or something.)
Your relationship is based purely on sex, for him it would seem and you don't seem to mind either?
i mean hes gonna have trouble expressing emotion and maybe he is emotionally disconnected?
if all your doing is having sex it doesn't sound much different from months and months of one night stands (if you get me)..
i mean do you want it to be more than sex?

mfs1013
Deinonychus

Joined: 11 Dec 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 324
Location: New Jersey

22 Jun 2013, 11:41 am

i wish my future relationship could be exactly as you described.... very proud of you

i think its normal, because you're in your mid 20s and the sex drive is at its prime

im still a virgin with a slightly high sex drive at 21 years old

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Alla
Deinonychus

Joined: 1 Dec 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 350
Location: Cork, Ireland

22 Jun 2013, 11:50 am

DefinitelyKmart wrote:

I said that we do other stuff besides sex......like hang out with friends, talk about work, etc. We are also good friends.
What is weird is that when we meet up, we need to get sex out of the way first in order to be relaxed to deal with other stuff.

DefinitelyKmart
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 4 Apr 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 262

22 Jun 2013, 11:55 am

have either of you expressed affection in an emotional manner?

Alla
Deinonychus

Joined: 1 Dec 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 350
Location: Cork, Ireland

22 Jun 2013, 12:02 pm

DefinitelyKmart wrote:

have either of you expressed affection in an emotional manner?

I have. He is trying, but to me it doesn't seem like much. I hope he gets better. He did say several times that he really liked me, but that was a few months before I told him I loved him.

DefinitelyKmart
Toucan
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Age: 35
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22 Jun 2013, 12:08 pm

Alla wrote:

DefinitelyKmart wrote:

have either of you expressed affection in an emotional manner?

I have. He is trying, but to me it doesn't seem like much. I hope he gets better. He did say several times that he really liked me, but that was a few months before I told him I loved him.

i was just gonna say that it sounds a little a more like Fb's than a relationship if there isn't an "i love you involved" who pushes the sex? you or him? i get its hard to get the emotional attachment but there should be one there somewhere..

Alla
Deinonychus

Joined: 1 Dec 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 350
Location: Cork, Ireland

22 Jun 2013, 12:10 pm

DefinitelyKmart wrote:

Alla wrote:

DefinitelyKmart wrote:

have either of you expressed affection in an emotional manner?

I have. He is trying, but to me it doesn't seem like much. I hope he gets better. He did say several times that he really liked me, but that was a few months before I told him I loved him.

Believe it or not, we both want sex equally. We are really well-matched in that respect. We equally give and receive and like the same things in bed. Lots of kissing too.

DefinitelyKmart
Toucan
Toucan

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22 Jun 2013, 12:22 pm

Alla wrote:

DefinitelyKmart wrote:

Alla wrote:

DefinitelyKmart wrote:

have either of you expressed affection in an emotional manner?

I have. He is trying, but to me it doesn't seem like much. I hope he gets better. He did say several times that he really liked me, but that was a few months before I told him I loved him.

Believe it or not, we both want sex equally. We are really well-matched in that respect. We equally give and receive and like the same things in bed. Lots of kissing too.

Fair play, i don't find the sex unusual at that stage of a relationship more the lack of hmm love sorta stuff... like how did he respond when you said i love you?

DefinitelyKmart
Toucan
Toucan

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Age: 35
Gender: Male
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22 Jun 2013, 12:28 pm

anyway im a bit confused.. if you're happy and hes happy, whats the problem?

Alla
Deinonychus

Joined: 1 Dec 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 350
Location: Cork, Ireland

22 Jun 2013, 12:28 pm

DefinitelyKmart wrote:

Fair play, i don't find the sex unusual at that stage of a relationship more the lack of hmm love sorta stuff... like how did he respond when you said i love you?

He sighed deeply and said "Oh....." and kissed me. It think he has a hard time believing that I do love him and that I will need to repeat this sentiment several times before it sinks in.

Alla
Deinonychus

Joined: 1 Dec 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 350
Location: Cork, Ireland

22 Jun 2013, 4:26 pm

DefinitelyKmart wrote:

anyway im a bit confused.. if you're happy and hes happy, whats the problem?

The problem is that I want a stronger emotional connection with him and to spend more time together. I also feel like I have to initiate get-togethers most of the time, although he does too a few times.
He is also not good at initiating e-mails and texts. I think you can see how to me it sometimes feel as if he doesn't really care.

Fnord
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22 Jun 2013, 5:34 pm

@ Alla:

Why should he initiate sex when you are likely to initiate it anyway?

Why do you even worry about who initiates sex when you have sex practically every time you meet?

Speaking as a man, if I had had a girlfriend when I was single who had wanted to "jump my bones" every time she saw me, and she was the one who sought my company on a regular basis, then I would not be concerned with initiating anything with her, since I would have known that within a day or two she would be banging on my door to come inside and start banging with me!

Why should a man even bother with courtship and courtly behavior when he can just lay about his flat and wait for his little bit of fluff to inevitably drop by for a little snog-and-shag?

Suggestion: Cut him off - stop visiting him, and stop having sex with him. He is likely to either (1) take matters in to his own hands and wait until your libido overcomes your resolve and you come running back to him; (2) seek out another girlfriend who is just as willing to put out as you; or (3) take a crash course in how to relate to you on an emotional level, and then try to win back your heart (and parts further south) with all manner of courtship behaviors just to take up again your mutual copulative behavior.

ShamelessGit
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22 Jun 2013, 8:00 pm

That sounds like a cool relationship to me.

But how do you have passionate sex for a whole hour? Doesn't the guy get tired?

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