Why NT`s are not atracted to aspies?

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amapola
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07 Jun 2013, 4:59 pm

I noticed that most NT`s find aspies ,especially of opposite sex,annoying,and they tend to avoid them.NT `s tend to only criticize aspies,without trying to really understand them.I think it is because NT`s don`t want to spend their energy on someone who is socially clumsy ,because they consider us annoyng and crazy.I think another reason why is difficult to find a partner is our difficulty to understand body language and hidden signals.We are not good at flirting,our behaviour is often eccentric (even when we are not aware of it),we are too extreme and obsessive,and it scares other people.We are either too loud or too quiet,we don`t know what others expect of us.NT`s either hate us,ignore us,try to be friends with us,but why is so is so hard to love us?Yes,we are that how we are,but we have desires for love as everyone else,we have different fantasies,desires,we want to be loved and special for someone.We had rights as everyone else.But NT`s almost hate us.I`m so angry. :evil:



Kurgan
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07 Jun 2013, 5:14 pm

Our present day youth culture favours hedonism, popularity and partying over pretty much anything else. People with Asperger's don't fit in when it comes to this.



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07 Jun 2013, 5:25 pm

Eh... In this world, there will always be many NT's that understand and accept the autistic difficulties of us. Keep a keen lookout for those rare few ;)


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Kuribo
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07 Jun 2013, 5:28 pm

Being Autistic in a society designed for Neurotypicals is not ideal. NTs generally find it difficult to accept people too drastically different from those they are used to interacting with.

Also, research suggests that 55% of NT communication is based on body language and facial expression, so it is undeniably understandable that communication with Autistic people can be rather challenging for them. It is also for these reasons that I find socialising with Autistic people to be an awful lot easier than with NTs.

So, sadly, the majority of people are too closed-minded to consider a relationship with one of us, regardless of how kind or caring we may be ... But there are also many open-minded and mature people who would. People who would accept our deficiencies and appreciate our gifts. At the age of 19, amapola, it's hardly surprising that you haven't met such a person yet.

As someone who is a few years younger than you, I can safely say that I haven't met anyone mature enough to look past my eccentricities and deficiencies. You likely will sometime over the next ten years, as people of your age group mature and get over their naivety, shallow-mindedness, and obsession with immature social dramas. Who knows, you may just end up with another Aspie...



billiscool
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07 Jun 2013, 5:53 pm

I know why the majority of aspie people ( male and female) struggle when comes to dating nt folks.
it because ................................................................................?

well. I let everyone else put their two cents in.



kingfishereyes
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07 Jun 2013, 6:03 pm

Before I go on,I just want to say that the aspies I've met are all wonderful people whom are deserving of love and affection, however I can understand why close minded NTs would have problems with dating an aspie which I will outline here.

The first could be said that many NTs are wrapped up in their own problems and lifestyles, they don't have any patience to understand ASD people and they have the selfish mindset 'I can't deal with your problems I already have my own' other NTs are extremely socially integrated that they care too much about their outward appearance to others, therefore they worry about what their parents or friends would think if odd behaviour was shown by their SO at a social gathering. Another thing is ASD breakdowns because so many NTs are taught to hide their emotions and that showing it is a sign of weakness. Also that extreme outward behaviour is a sign of a dangerous mindset and someone they should keep away from.

I'm not saying any of these mind sets are acceptable but just showing how NTs are flawed and selfish.



billiscool
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07 Jun 2013, 6:15 pm

kingfishereyes wrote:
Before I go on,I just want to say that the aspies I've met are all wonderful people whom are deserving of love and affection, however I can understand why close minded NTs would have problems with dating an aspie which I will outline here.

The first could be said that many NTs are wrapped up in their own problems and lifestyles, they don't have any patience to understand ASD people and they have the selfish mindset 'I can't deal with your problems I already have my own' other NTs are extremely socially integrated that they care too much about their outward appearance to others, therefore they worry about what their parents or friends would think if odd behaviour was shown by their SO at a social gathering. Another thing is ASD breakdowns because so many NTs are taught to hide their emotions and that showing it is a sign of weakness. Also that extreme outward behaviour is a sign of a dangerous mindset and someone they should keep away from.

I'm not saying any of these mind sets are acceptable but just showing how NTs are flawed and selfish.


good, but not the right answer. I know why alot of nt women won't date aspie men, and I know why alot of nt men won't date aspie women.
but I am out of time. so maybe another time, I give my answer.



jwfess
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07 Jun 2013, 7:44 pm

I agree with what has been said, but also think that NT's look for genetically sound people to be their mates. It's an evolutionary principle, although it is mostly subconscious. So when they encounter AS people, they may sense something is off on a biological level and thus not be attracted to them. I'm aware of the fact that if I ever have a child, he or she may have an ASD. I don't think females think about that when I'm wooing them (a very rare occurrence), but part of sexual attraction is rooted in an interest to find an ideal person to reproduce with. I think that is more true when females are gauging males, as men are much less discriminatory when looking to spread their seed.



1000Knives
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07 Jun 2013, 8:28 pm

They do if they think you're like Clint Eastwood or something.



MjrMajorMajor
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07 Jun 2013, 9:48 pm

I think that's a blanket statement and not necessarily true. I've attracted my share of guys over the years. Many of them were very outgoing, and seemed interested in "drawing me out". They liked the fact I was different, so it can happen.



OliveOilMom
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07 Jun 2013, 10:06 pm

From what I can tell, every guy I've ever dated has been NT. So, in my experience that's a moot question.


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IlovemyAspie
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07 Jun 2013, 10:13 pm

Not all of us NT's are like this....there are a lot of us on here trying to understand our Aspies and who love them just as much or more than any NT.

*Looks for AspieOtaku*


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mds_02
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08 Jun 2013, 2:04 am

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
I think that's a blanket statement and not necessarily true. I've attracted my share of guys over the years. Many of them were very outgoing, and seemed interested in "drawing me out". They liked the fact I was different, so it can happen.


That's true of me as well. For me, there's more of an issue with learning how to relate and how to bring "attraction" to the level of "relationship" (or, at least, healthy relationship).



Last edited by mds_02 on 08 Jun 2013, 2:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

mds_02
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08 Jun 2013, 2:08 am

IlovemyAspie wrote:
Not all of us NT's are like this....there are a lot of us on here trying to understand our Aspies and who love them just as much or more than any NT.

*Looks for AspieOtaku*


Makes me happy when nts post about their aspies. I dunno, gives me hope about my own relationship when I hear how hard other people are willing to try with people who have issues that are so much like mine.



alien91
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08 Jun 2013, 2:17 am

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
I think that's a blanket statement and not necessarily true. I've attracted my share of guys over the years. Many of them were very outgoing, and seemed interested in "drawing me out". They liked the fact I was different, so it can happen.

Well you have to realize aspie women have it a lot easier in this respect because men are expected to make all the moves early in the relationship.So what does this mean for aspie men? We are screwed... unless we are good looking.



billiscool
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08 Jun 2013, 2:31 am

alien91 wrote:
Well you have to realize aspie women have it a lot easier in this respect because men are expected to make all the moves early in the relationship.So what does this mean for aspie men? We are screwed... unless we are good looking.


not the unattractive ones or the ''cross the line'' types, don't have it easy.