USING ASPERGER'S SYNDROME SELFISHLY

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I've been dating a 57 year-old man with an 18-year old son diagnosed as having AS. The father, when first we met, spoke in a monotone and was shy but in a very charming way. I thought, after meeting his son, that perhaps my boyfriend was slightly AS as well....that perhaps that that is why his son had AS. His son is highly intelligent, articulate, can make a lot of eye contact with me, by the way. I think his only issue is his own monotone voice and an incontrollable rage when he's asked to do something he doesn't want to do. But I digress. After 2 months of dating and after my 57-year-old boyfriend and I had become intimate, I noticed he began to be less charming and more critical (highly critical), and when being this way, his usual simplistic thoughts became quite intricate revealing a higher intellect not revealed at other times. He began using "player" language as if he wanted me to understand he was not the person he had presented to me at the beginning of our relationship. His selfish motives preyed on my mind and there were times, when we were alone, that he asked me if I were scared. Many other red flags popped up and I left him just recently. My question is this: Does he sound like he has AS or does he sound like a man who uses AS as a way to get into someone's heart. He told me he has had thousands of women and I doubt it's not too exagerrated. Women love quiet, shy men. Any thoughts?

I think people with AS are poor liars and manipulators. So I find it hard to think a person with AS could be a typical "player".

Sounds more like he might be a psychopath/sociopath. They have some similar traits to aspies but are good manipulators and often pathological liars too. Good on you for paying attention to the red flags, I think your concerns were warranted.

erm isn’t the I have had 10 woman hanging off me in the past week as a sign of 1 - 2 he’s had... sure they is a formula for when a female says I only had 1 she really means 5 - 10....

By the way I can play so assume that they can't is as bad as a extroverted person.... all courtship is about is strategic planning , you are not bound by rules in courtship you can be ugly as a fart and get a model hanging off you, just my confidence that needs a boost...

Introverted..................................

Even a person affected by AS could be somewhat manipulative when motivated by getting something he wants in a relationship, IMO. He sounds like he has some AS characteristics. Even his critisisms could be rooted in the bluntness that is sometimes typical of a person with Aspergers, while these traits were suppressed in the early stages of your relationship, by either shyness or self control.

One thing I just noted is he is 57 yo with an 18 yo son. Which means he had the kid at 57-18= 39 . Men are for less likely to have kids at that age unless they have some developmental delay like AS. So taking that in consideration plus the fact what you call being a "player" may not be what he is doing in his own mind. Means he could have AS.

I'm critical and negative myself and would have a hard time hiding that fact for 2 hours much less 2 months but then again I'm 36 and this guy has had 21 more years to hone his skills (and people with AS do get better social skills with time). So he could very well have AS. I would not hold it against all aspie males. But the odds are you will never date another one anyway.

Despite his bearing a child at an older age I still don't think he has AS. Sounds to me like he is probably bi-polar or some other psych disorder. I don't think most AS guys could be players like that. Most tend to be nervous around women. How do you know his son even has AS especially if he is real good at eye contact? I think you did right to get away from him. Just stay away from the nutcake and don't let him make you think this is what AS is all about because its not.

As a man with Asperger's syndrome, trust me: Having it does not get me into women's hearts. It's something I have to work against to attract women. I don't know what sane person would ask his significant other if she was scared by his presence out of the blue. Being a "playa" is strongly associated with the young African-American urban hip-hop subculture in the United States, and such a way of speaking would come off as absolutely ridiculous from an intelligent 57-year-old (presumably white) guy.

He is more likely a psychopath or otherwise lowlife; he also sounds like he has a few other issues if he's talking like a "gangsta."

i disagree. i think people with as can be just as manipulative as NTs depending on the person.

Agreed. Just as Aspies can learn to socialize (or at least act it), they can learn to be manipulative and lie. I'm not gonna lie when I say I've learned these. However, I learned and used them more as survival mechanisms when I was younger to get out of things that would have me explode in anger. Certain social situations, like family functions, tests, events in school, etc. would be things I'd lie about just to avoid sensory overload.

I don't do that now, though, not anymore. I've learned better, more efficient coping mechanisms. I've matured a lot in the past four years so that I no longer need to lie or manipulate to get out a situation I don't like.

Hmm.

Doc Gamer here now.

From what I'm reading.

I'm thinking he's probably psychopath borderline with smidge of AS, but he's more NT then he is AS, but he can probably pull it off. If he's that age and single, then I'm thinking there is more to it then there is currently being seen.

Look out for dead skeltons in his past.

Doc Gamester.

I think people with AS have a harder time pulling off a manipulative
plan. Thats why I question if he could for two months appear to be a nice guy. But its possible.




I'm guessing she doe not mean he as acting like the sterotypical
your thinking of. She means "player" as in he is "playing a game"
the game being to sweet talk her into the bedroom then after that
by choice or laziness reveal his true colors.

My other theory is we are not hearing this guy's story. So we do not
know how much the OP is based on objective reality. Forexample
what if the guy was being nice because he is nice and then decided he did not like her and being a "honest" aspie he found it hard to
treat her nicely when he did not like her.

He sounds like a ass to me. At first he was charming and now he is less and more critical. It takes 3-6 months to know someone and you do see a change in your partner. When you first meet someone they are different people and after being with them for awhile, then you start to see the real them. How can someone caring stop caring about someone after a few months? I find that suspicious. That's why my buddies tell me my ex was an ass, not an aspie.

Can you explain these thoughts?



He may have narcisistic personality, my grandpa did the same thing to my grandma. If they use player language, then they are a player.



That is a creepy / awkward question.



That answers your question whether or not he may be a player.


You leaving him was a good idea, because he could have broken your heart.

Good point. I doubt a typical aspie man would have shagged that many women or want to.

I agree that probably not many have--but to want to is another story! I don't see why so many people think we are any less interested in having multiple sex partners than the average guy--I certainly am not.