it's the social rules

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there been alot of talk on why aspie men don't date, and one reason many don't date,
is the idiotic ''man must make first move'' rule. Unless the aspie man is very rich, very attractive, or just plain lucky.
If a man don't make a first move in dating, he is 95-99% out of luck.

also there is way too much pressure on men in dating scene. even nt men who have success with women,
even complain how difficult dating is. If nt men who can get a girlfriend, even finds it tough. Image
how hard it is for aspie men.

Jedis never make the first move. And that is why they are single. lol

there are no moves. its all a dance, talk to a girl - no moves just talk, if you click boom, if not meh

Just breaking the ice and starting a conversation is probably the easiest way for an individual to meet people that they may be interested in dating. Regardless of what gender does it first, it is a good skill to have.

It's easy to start conversations, it's not easy to say your feelings towards someone, especially if you're alexithymic in the first place.

Of course I just need to try harder and not be a p****, then I'll be a Nobel prize winning astronaut with a hot trophy wife.

I have no problem starting conversations, it's having them last more than 20 seconds that's hard

for me, starting the conversation is the hard part; once i have been talking for about half a minute and have a 'working' topic, i can keep going the rest of the night.

i have 2 coexisting problems to starting a conversation: firstly, i dont usually see any relevant starters (things like the weather seem faked and unneeded to me), and secondly, usually people are in groups, especially women, and it's hard enough starting a conversation with someone who is alone, let alone a group that is already talking to each other...

Yes, my looks and personality are nearly identical to some introverted shy girls who get plenty of male attention; it's almost scary the extent to which this is true. But I have to take pills, get drunk, and pretend to be a different person to get anywhere.

right, so here a question are introverted shy girls just have better social skills and are better people than introverted shy guys,
or is just society.

That what I always ask myself, Am I the problem, I would say, I am but there are women who are similiar to me, or even worst
but has boyfriends, married, fwb, one night stands,etc.

so, what is it then, are we aspie men just too weird, too creepy, too much of everything for women to date us.
or is it society rules, I don't know. I let people decide that.

No, gender expectations are just different and unfair. Shy introverted girls DO NOT have better social skills than me necessarily; in many cases, they are worse.

In some ways, shy girls have it much easier. They can just look pretty and get approached. The guy does all the work with the hopes of getting into her pants if she's pretty. On the other hand, many of them are a magnet for abusers, rapists, and creepers -- a problem that guys do not face as much. It's basically a problem with a society that favors male aggressiveness and female passivity.

If you want to get laid, here's my suggestion: do what you need to do to move smoothly, talk loudly, make people laugh, say the right inappropriate things that push boundaries but leave the listener knowing that you are aware of the existence of the boundaries, and engage in a real back-and-forth conversation. I can do this while drunk at a bar or club but usually not otherwise; this is why most of my lays come from bars or clubs, historically. For everyone, the solution is different. OP, try getting drunk as f**k, and see if it makes a difference.

well many shy women don't do well with other women, in so in a way. both shy male and shy female are equal.
In a way, they both do bad with women.

it's my saying ''what do aspie men and aspie women have in common''
''they have no idea how to talk to women'' lol.

That's a good point, though personally, I feel more anxious and inept around NT men than NT women. More accurate to say that, with respect to friendship, both aspie men and aspie women do poorly with the same gender. With respect to love, aspie men and women do poorly and different areas. Aspie women tend to get abused and raped, and aspie men tend never to get into relationships to begin with. The rape rate for aspie women who have dated is probably close to 50% or more. The virginity rate for 30-year-old male aspies is probably 50% or more.

Introverted doesn't mean shy.

I have a friend who is a huge introvert. She is perfectly capable of socializing and can be a little social butterfly when needed, but she prefers being home with her boyfriend or just with a few friends.

An introverted person can be shy, or can be like that.

And yes, social rules say guys have to make the first move. And yes, aspies aren't dealt the best hand.

Do you cry, or do you play the hand the best you can?

Actually, I can't remember one instance, either with a relationship with or an ONS, that I have not been the 'aggressor'. Quite frankly, I find men hitting on me creepy as all heck. Fake compliments, fake smiles and laughs, weird comments.... Nah, if I like someone, I let them know and then it's up to them. Maybe not the best approach, seeing that I have not been with someone other than myself and my battery-operated friends for years and years...

Maybe you should adjust who you're going after. I know a girl who always ended up with predators and rapists when she played the part of the "girl" and waited for men to make the first move. Then, she decided that she would always be the initiator, and as a result, she's been fine. It was the perfect solution.

Common sense, safety, and everything sensible says that women should always be the initiators in relationships. In today's rape culture, waiting around and letting guys select you is asking for trouble.

I’m leaning towards a similar idea.

The evidence I’m aware of points to women deciding very quickly if she’s interested in a person or not, possibly even with a visual assessment. While you can make changes to widen and increase your appeal to the female population up to a point, if you don’t “click” as you put it, with an individual woman, your efforts will be in vain.

If I’m correct, one of the reasons aspies have such difficulty with dating is that we’re relativity likely to miss signs of interest and disinterest.

Last edited by ICY on 23 Jun 2013, 10:37 am, edited 2 times in total.