Still trying to figure out whether he loves me

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I've been dating my aspie boss for seven months now and I have just recently said "I love you" to him. Previously, about three months ago, he told me that he "really liked me". Because he is my boss, we have to keep the relationship quiet until I change departments in a couple of months and will no longer work under him.

When I told him "I love you" over Skype a week ago, he said "Wait, I need to answer an e-mail." He called me three minutes later to talk.
Is this sort of reaction typical of aspies?

I feel like he is giving me mixed signals. The sex is great and he says so after the event. He desires me physically very much. He sometimes initiates get togethers at his place and sometimes I initiate social get togethers. He usually shows up, or if he doesn't, he will explain why he can't make it. When I ask him to call, he always calls when he says he will (he's only forgotten to do so once). Recently, we have been seeing more of each other in a social capacity, chiefly because I organise get togethers and invite him along.

My question is that I feel an emotional disconnection with him most of the time. He doesn't tell me how he feels anymore and he blows hot and cold. Do you think this may be related to the fact that he is my boss and waiting for me to no longer be his employee or is it that he doesn't love me?
Do aspies go along with the other person's wishes if they don't have feelings for her?

First of all, I'm not trying to be mean. Most people wouldn't consider Skype as a proper communication tool to say something meaningful. e.g. dumping someone in a text message is bad - asking someone out in a text message seems meaningless. Saying "I love you" on a messenger programme is not the way to say it, especially if it's for the first time - unless it's a long-distance relationship, which this isn't. Saying "I love you" for the first time should be done face to face if at all possible.

His response to your "I love you" on Skype sounded like he wanted to talk to you properly, over the phone, especially after you said something big. Which would mean that he cares, but it depends on what he said over the phone. As for asking you to wait three minutes - that's just a moment. He just wanted to get the e-mail out the way in order to clear his mind of current tasks, in order to concentrate on you and have a proper, meaningful conversation with you over the phone.

And if he's aspie and likes the phone, you've struck gold!

However...if you feel emotionally disconnected from him, for me that's bad news.

Aspies can be quite black and white - that's just who he is, and you would have to put up with that with a great deal of patience (which I don't have). He might be trying to figure out his feelings, but I can't tell how he feels. You would have to ask him directly, but with no expectations or demands. FTR, I can't follow my own advice. If you're a patient person then great. If not, you might have problems.

Good luck!

There IS something you're experiencing that's fairly typical of NT/Autistic people relationships--you feel an emotional disconnection. As an Autistic person, he probably won't know/be able to express his feelings in a way that you would understand. My trouble used to be realizing that I have to tell other people my feelings when they seemed so obvious to me! Asking him would probably help.

Another thing--if he said he had to answer an email, he probably had to answer an email. He did call three minutes later. Autistic people don't tend to be manipulative like that unless there's something else wrong with them. Apparently this kind of manipulation is typical for Neurotypicals (tell me if I'm wrong)--but I doubt he'd be lying about that. And if he can't come to a gathering and always has a reason, that's better than you'd get from a lot of people. I'd say he's honest. As for the love, I can't tell; you'll have to ask him yourself. Don't limit him based on what you think he can do. Give him a chance to tell you his feelings; you might be surprised. And even if he can't articulate it, you guys can work together to figure it out. Sometimes I need that.

He probably loves you.


However there is something else going on that we have to take into account:

Quite a lot of us have troubles with our emotions.
As someone who just got out of a relationship because " she knows Im trying to change but I didnt open up enough for her taste" I would like you to consider how big of a problem him barely opening up is for you right now for a while and then let him know about it if it is a big issue thats probably going to make things hard in the long term

Why do I feel like he does not care much about me? He always replies when I send him a message and calls when he says he will, but I find that he makes more of an effort when I am aloof or uninterested. He seems to be uneasy when I tell him how I feel or show a lot of interest.
Is this typically aspie or does he just want what he can't have?