Help with my Aspie

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I am a 26 yr old African american NT and my boyfriend is a 28 yr old African American un-diagnosed aspie. I just recently became aware of aspergers about 3 days ago while telling my physc uncle some of the things he does. So of course i looked up as much information as i can find on it so i could get a better understanding. We haven't been dating long really like 3 mths but i see all the signs. I have even suffered thru a cluster of meltdowns. Now i can deal with the lack of empathy and the repetitive phrase (cliches) he uses to express his feelings. I can also deal the the amazing love we make. Early in the relationship like the 1st month r during the meltdown cluster he became physical with me. Once he choked me and the other time he hit me. Now i'm not making excuses for him wrong is wrong. But because of the fact that it has gotten physical i have a lot of reservations to continue to relationship. Also he is overly jealous and suspicious. He is very sensitive to sound and when we talk on the phone he swears he can hear another man in the background. He always wants me to talk on speaker phone around him. When i go somewhere with family or doing things with my son he tries to make me feel guilty for leaving him out. My family knows that he has gotten violent with me so they are on high alert. Also a lot of the things he does have been borderline stalking. He will sit outside a house i am at all night till the morning. Once he came from beside the house when i was at my moms and scared the hell out of her. She called the police. He calls 16+ times in a night even after i have told him i am going to sleep. I have told him i need a break from the relationship but it falls on deaf ears. Dont get me wrong he is not all bad but the things he is doing it making it really hard on my life. Not to be vain or anything but i do believe i and the relationship we have has become his obession he does not work or do anything else. If i say i will come see him and i have a delay in plans its like the end of the world to him. I have a 6 yr old son and i really don't have the extra time or attention to focus on helping him. His family just makes excuses. I want to break up and just leave it alone but i do care about him. I would like to get him help. He is not receptive to my information about asperger because of course he thinks he does nothing wrong and it's everybody else with a problem. I do get fearful of my life sometimes because i never know what he is going to do and it causes me a lot of grief. a lot of recent depression and hence i am posting on this site for some insight.

Being an aspie doesn't make you a violent jerk. Something else is going on (either a comorbid or he's not an aspie just a jerk or has other issues).

Also, him possibly being an aspie should not override your safety.

Rather than diagnose him, which is just another way of making excuses for his behaviour on your part, you need to end this relationship. If he's violent with you and stalking you after three months, things are only going to get worse.

+1

What would you do if he was NT?

Asperger's does not trump abuse, ever. Get away from this guy as fast as humanly possible.

This guy has something other than Aspergers and this isn't a "love and dating" issue. This could be a serious crime issue.
Your posting this would count, legally, as a cry for help and WP admins need to not ignore this.

As others said, letting this go on is only going to set yourself up for a scarier ending to your story.

I definetly understand the risk that i am in. But i am one of those big heart girls. I feel like nobody has addressed this with him in 28 yrs of life. I'm not trying to take on a charity case or anything i just want to TRY to guide him in the right direction so he can have a better quality of life going forward. My uncle provided the "diagnoses" because he is a psych counselor who works with low functioning austic men in a group home. I understand the violence is a problem.

And what if something happens to your son?

Hey, I know you care, but in a situation like this, it really doesn't matter. If he's obsessed with you--and HURTING you--he cannot develop healthy love feelings for you. The jealousy makes it even worse. You need out of this relationship--and there's nothing you can do to help him, whether or not you leave him. If he's hurt you and he acts like he owns you, he will not listen to you. He may pretend for a while, but he will not really--he's already demonstrated that he won't listen to you. You are in an abusive relationship and you need to get out. I know how hard it can be to admit that, but it's better to get out now before things get even worse.

I don't think you are qualified to effectively help him. He needs profeasional help before he can possibly be in a healthy relationship. It's great to have a big heart but sometimes that's not enough. And it's not just the risk YOU are in, you have a son to consider. This is only going to get worse. Trust me. I was in a relationship for 17 years with a person who acted similary to this guy sans the violence. HE NEVER CHANGED. It only got worse. He started following me around my own home. I swear he tapped my phone and i know he followed me at times. Is this the kind of relationship you want. Don't feel bad for saying "Hey, this isn't for me." Don't feel as if you have to stay and see this through.

i have stated many times i want a break and "it isn't for me" but he starts to cry and keeps asking "what am i doing wrong" like he can't FEEL how i feel with all the things he is doing. My family has stepped in tremendously with keeping my son away while i try to settle the dust.

He's manipulating you. You do not need his permission to break up with him.

RUN, Do Not Stop, RUN.

GET THE f**k OUT!

No one has the right to do that to you. It is unacceptable and it doesn't matter if he has AS or not.

It could be three things

1.) He's a manipulative f**k.
2.) He has anger management issues unrelated to AS
3.) He has AS issues so bad he's lashing out.

REGARDLESS OF WHICH IT IS, he has no right to hurt you, and no business being in a relationship with ANYONE until he can control himself.

SO GET THE f**k OUT before you get hurt bad, and WORSE, before your son learns that's an OK way to treat people.

END THE CYCLE before it starts.

i girl who like you kept making excuses for her partner.. he eventually stabbed her..
This kind of behaviour only ends one way, he doesn't sound AS. sounds mor elike a psycho.. get out of their now.. this will end very badly for you, if you dont leave now

i genuinely appreciate all the responses that i got. when it comes to heating and AC systems he knows that to the T so i know he can thrive if just pushed in the right direction. Due to the fact the relationship is over and he still borderline harasses me i am almost at the point of calling the police and filing something official. I don't want to see him locked up because I KNOW HE NEEDS HELP. but i am sure he wont get the help he needs in a state penitentiary. This has become a whirlwind in my life in such a short amount of time. I'm just trying to make sure we both leave this thing with all the sanity we came into this with. He does threaten suicide also (he knows my cousin committed suicide last year and how hurt i was by that) so i guess i'm just scared.

look girl, its over finito done.. don't answer his calls dont text him let him be.. peopel who threaten suicide dont do it