Do other Aspie girls ask guys out?

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saraip
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24 Aug 2012, 2:50 am

I was writing to a friend this morning and it occurred to me that I have always asked loads of guys out - only one ever said yes though! :)

The reason I ask is because most NT girls are horrified at the thought of asking a guy out. I'm not a pretty or a girly girl at all - I think I may come across as quite asexual, but when I have a crush on a guy, I have no problem telling him or asking him out. I wonder if this might be something that other Aspie girls do?

In any case, the response is usually very negative - in most cases, guys seem to get very uncomfortable and freaked out - mostly because they don't like me and I think they feel uncomfortable having to tell me that they don't like me - I don't actually know. On the other hand, I prefer to get what I'm thinking off my chest - I find it incredibly uncomfortable and unpleasant to have feelings for someone but have to keep them hidden - in fact, I find it ridiculous - I would rather be rejected and be able to get on with my life than pine for someone who does not reciprocate. In the case where the guy said yes, the relationship was pretty crap - I wonder if that had something to do with it? Who knows... thoughts, opnions, feedback?



A_floating_moon
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24 Aug 2012, 5:24 am

Not me. I'd find it terrifying simply saying hello to a guy in person. I'd rather live with not knowing than make a fool out of myself or suffer the anxiety. If he wants to approach me, I might be brave enough to say yes to spending time with him.



zxy8
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24 Aug 2012, 5:56 am

I'm a guy, so it doesn't really apply to me. But I do know that feeling of you just have to tell the person, or otherwise you feel worse. I don't understand why women in general do not ask men out. I can understand people who are really shy in general, like most aspys, but still, if you like someone, just do it :D



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24 Aug 2012, 6:09 am

Guys are (generally) expected to make the first move. That's why I'll be alone FOREVER.


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24 Aug 2012, 7:07 am

I couldn't give you a bigger no. Normal women very rarely ask guys out, it would be crazy to think women with a social disability would do it otherwise.


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yellowtamarin
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24 Aug 2012, 7:32 am

I have done it. About as often as guys have asked me out, I think. It rarely happens. So I prefer to meet people online, where it is much easier to get things rolling.



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24 Aug 2012, 8:24 am

If I can't get extroverted, socially competent women to ask me out, even when they know me and my quirks I think it's pretty obvious an Aspie girl would never ask me out in a million years. The nice thing about Aspie girls is that they are so much easier to read and they are so direct and to the point I'd be more comfortable making the first move although they are a very rare breed.



saraip
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24 Aug 2012, 8:42 am

CrystalStars wrote:
Guys are (generally) expected to make the first move. That's why I'll be alone FOREVER.


You give the answer that most girls give - that guys are "expected" to do it - but I don't see why or why it has to be a rule... or why so many people think that way.

yellowtamarin wrote:
I have done it. About as often as guys have asked me out, I think. It rarely happens. So I prefer to meet people online, where it is much easier to get things rolling.


Good for you, and I've never been asked out by a guy so double points to you!! :) I think online is generally easier in some ways.

Interesting responses from the guys - I wasn't aware that you thought you had to DO something to get someone to ask you out - I ask guys out if I think they are smart enough to be interesting for more than a few weeks... pretty much anyone who can keep up with me on a mental level. They don't "DO" anything that prompts me to ask them out - it's who they are as a person. Well, I suppose I should say that they do at least talk to me about interesting things like science or space, and I never ask out typically pretty looking boys (because if you spend that much time on your appearance, you probably spend zero time on your intellect! - I'm biased, I think pretty people are generally stupid... terrible generalisation but I have only been proven wrong once in 30 years!! !) But I imagine (hypothesise) that it would be easier for Aspie girls because we are not sticklers for social convention because we're usually not social.



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24 Aug 2012, 9:14 am

I've never been asked out by ANY female. I have been a part of flirting, but I have never been directly asked. Perhaps there were signs in the past that I, as an aspie, didn't see. I think I can spot other aspies, but that's as far as my social radar extends, and I've never seen one make a move.

I would quite like to be asked by a girl, but that might not be an NT response.



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24 Aug 2012, 9:37 pm

Im a guy and most of the relationships the girl asks me out of course they were all NTs at least I think they are I am asuming an aspie female is equally as shy as myself!!


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MacDragard
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24 Aug 2012, 11:39 pm

I heard that women ask guys out all the time in places like New York and Boston. I know it doesn't happen here at all in Florida, at least from what I've experienced. Granted, I haven't experienced the Miami nightlife, where the women are more abundant and more flirtatious, but in Tampa and Orlando it doesn't happen. Women see themselves as prizes to be won, and if they ask guys out, then they'll feel easy and slu*ty.

Sometimes taking the initiative is best though because you control the frame of things and you get to seek out the women that YOU want to date.



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25 Aug 2012, 12:08 am

I find it quite refreshing that some of you ladies are comfortable making the first move. I don't understand why that role is typically assigned to males exclusively. I guess its because the way society looks on it its OK for females to be the quiet ones. quiet female = endearing and sensitive, quiet male = weak and spineless. Some power hungry males might feel a bit less empowered if you took this role away from them I suppose. I myself wouldn't have a problem with the typical role being reversed. Could save time in the long run opposed to leaving the other person endless hints until they figure it out.



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25 Aug 2012, 12:44 am

The females I've 'dated' I'd have to suspect were all on the spectrum as well, me responding much better to direct expressed intent than ambiguous flirting and mixed signals. The payoff for all the alone time I have is never having been accused of rape by the grace of God. I hear horror stories of aspie guys being exploited in that heinous fashion

If you ask a guy IRL and they refuse, they're probably not an aspie


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yellowtamarin
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25 Aug 2012, 12:55 am

Colinn wrote:
I find it quite refreshing that some of you ladies are comfortable making the first move. I don't understand why that role is typically assigned to males exclusively. I guess its because the way society looks on it its OK for females to be the quiet ones. quiet female = endearing and sensitive, quiet male = weak and spineless. Some power hungry males might feel a bit less empowered if you took this role away from them I suppose. I myself wouldn't have a problem with the typical role being reversed. Could save time in the long run opposed to leaving the other person endless hints until they figure it out.

I'm definitely not comfortable doing it, just like I suspect most guys aren't comfortable doing it. But I'm a practical gal and I know I'm probably not the most approachable person so if I want someone, I often have to do the work at first.



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25 Aug 2012, 10:34 am

saraip wrote:
I was writing to a friend this morning and it occurred to me that I have always asked loads of guys out - only one ever said yes though! :)

The reason I ask is because most NT girls are horrified at the thought of asking a guy out. I'm not a pretty or a girly girl at all - I think I may come across as quite asexual, but when I have a crush on a guy, I have no problem telling him or asking him out. I wonder if this might be something that other Aspie girls do?

In any case, the response is usually very negative - in most cases, guys seem to get very uncomfortable and freaked out - mostly because they don't like me and I think they feel uncomfortable having to tell me that they don't like me - I don't actually know. On the other hand, I prefer to get what I'm thinking off my chest - I find it incredibly uncomfortable and unpleasant to have feelings for someone but have to keep them hidden - in fact, I find it ridiculous - I would rather be rejected and be able to get on with my life than pine for someone who does not reciprocate. In the case where the guy said yes, the relationship was pretty crap - I wonder if that had something to do with it? Who knows... thoughts, opnions, feedback?


I've done it a few times and it's generally been less successful than letting the man pursue me.
You need a lot of confidence to deal with the blow to your ego that occurs if you get rejected.
I prefer to make my feelings known to the person though as if there's a chance that they might feel the same back it's worth taking.



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25 Aug 2012, 9:41 pm

saraip wrote:
I was writing to a friend this morning and it occurred to me that I have always asked loads of guys out - only one ever said yes though! :)

The reason I ask is because most NT girls are horrified at the thought of asking a guy out. I'm not a pretty or a girly girl at all - I think I may come across as quite asexual, but when I have a crush on a guy, I have no problem telling him or asking him out. I wonder if this might be something that other Aspie girls do?

In any case, the response is usually very negative - in most cases, guys seem to get very uncomfortable and freaked out - mostly because they don't like me and I think they feel uncomfortable having to tell me that they don't like me - I don't actually know. On the other hand, I prefer to get what I'm thinking off my chest - I find it incredibly uncomfortable and unpleasant to have feelings for someone but have to keep them hidden - in fact, I find it ridiculous - I would rather be rejected and be able to get on with my life than pine for someone who does not reciprocate. In the case where the guy said yes, the relationship was pretty crap - I wonder if that had something to do with it? Who knows... thoughts, opnions, feedback?


I don't ask guys out.

When I'm out in a public place where that is likely to happen - I am already usually somewhat stressed out, so my mind is not working in that way at all. I'm already trying to deal with too much at once so I won't even notice that type of thing until someone points it out to me - in which case I am the last person in the group to know about it. :roll:

I have watched women do so previously and I have only observed negative results, so I probably wouldn't bother trying for that reason. Many guys are ok with a woman approaching them for a ONS, but many don't seem to be ok with women approaching them looking for a date or a possible relationship. Since I have no interest in ONS's, this makes it a pointless endeavor for me attempt it.

I can start a conversation on the rare occasion with a guy when I am out, but I cannot actually ask one out. When you have difficulty making eye contact, mantaining a conversation or indicating to a guy that you like them without using words, starting a conversation is a massive step alone, and actually asking someone out is kind of beyond my capablities right now.


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Last edited by Kjas on 25 Aug 2012, 10:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.