Looking for advice

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About 4 months ago I met a woman and we connected extremely well, quicker than I've ever done with someone before. I was attracted to her instantly, I've never come across someone as psychologically similar to myself as her (she is also autistic) and it is uncanny just how similar our interests are. Now, I could only see her about once a month (I met her for work related reasons) so by the second time I'd seen her I'd invited her out socially. Since we've met up socially my enthusiasm for her has grown for her massively, I'm thinking this is a very rare and a very positive opportunity for me.

However, there is a massive problem, I'm getting completely mixed messages. When I see her she we connect very well, mutual conversation is very easy, laughing and joking so naturally. She seem so enthusiastic about meetings up, for example, when discussing things she'll often say "we'll have to talk about this again some time", literally she has said that on I think six different topics. Indeed, one time she takes out a piece of paper and literally makes a list of all seven things she wants to talk about again in a future conversation. Also, whilst the first two time we met up socially it was me who said 'lets me up again soon', the last time we met it was her who said it. But that's the problem, in the 9 weeks since I asked if she wanted to meet socially I've seen her for a total of 4.5 hours socially (and none work related, that has finished).

First time lasted an hour and a half but she was enthusiastic for meeting up for much longer that weekend. Then I don't hear from her for ten days, she was unwell, fair enough. Next time, once again only an hour and a half, we agree to meet again the next week. That week apparently she has no free time, then was away on holiday for ten days, then did not catch up with her email for another week. So I saw her for a third time, hour and half, best meeting yet, this time she says lets meet up again next week, she says lets meet up for longer, she says lets discuss something on email. So I email her hoping to start a conversation, no response. I give her a chance to respond, to organised a meeting, three and half week of waiting, no email from her. So I sent an email earlier this week, hoping to meet up today. No response.

Basic question, any idea what is going on? There is a complete contrast between her enthusiasm when we meet and then an extreme delay in meeting up, finally reaching a whole month today without hearing from her. She does work, she keeps herself busy and doesn't have huge levels of free time, she suffers from depression quite often, she lives with her parents and I suspect has an overprotective mother, all true. But an entire month without an email? I really don't know what to do and would be very grateful for any advice.

I think it's obvious that this girl does infact like you. She wouldn't have bothered meeting up with you so many times if she didn't. I think the problem could be depression related. I suffer from depression myself and have no idea when it will hit me. It can get to the point where even replying to an email is too much for me to take. Also the fact that you like her so much and want to spend a lot of time with her probably is making you a little impatient. My opinion would be to give her some time, it sounds like you have met someone you are very compatible with and that shouldn't go to waste. Maybe keep in touch still, to show her you're still interested but wait for her to make arrangements for the meet up, that will probably take off some pressure if she is in a depression/ stressed.

Hope that helped, good luck.

Thank you for your reply Belladonna25, it does help. I also suffer from depression and can go literally months without writing an email, even ones about everyday stuff. Dealing with something more complicated like another person who is interested in you is even more difficult if you are depressed, or even when life gets a bit manic. So I guess it makes sense, she seems interested, at least socially, but I have reason to believe that she has lots of stuff going on in life just now, stuff that needs immediately attending to, and this may be taking up her energy even if she is not depressed.

I guess the problem is how long to wait before I can conclude that actually she is not interested in me. It's been four and a half weeks and I don't know if it will be another week or two before we socialise again, or if it will be three months or longer. It helps no one to pursue someone who has no reciprocated interest so its certainly a situation I'd prefer to avoid, it's just so difficult to tell when you are in that situation.