Why do I only attract mean, crude people?

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I've tried dating but notice that the only guys that are interested in me are the crazy, abusive types.

Actually, I met an ex-con who was very nice - his prior offense was alcohol-related, but he seemed to treat other people very well even if he wrestled with his own demons. He and I went to an amusement park a few times and seemed to hit it off, but he lost interest after a couple of weeks.

Almost every guy who has taken an interest in me has had a criminal record. The crime was always non-violent and not theft, assault or anything like that but a felony nonetheless. They were always much older and attentive, but they lost interest every time.

However, I've had several men continue to take an interest in me, and they are openly disruptive even in public. One guy is a drunk and very loud, rarely bathes. Another guy, every time I see him he asks me out, even though he committed a sex offense towards someone of his gender in the past and won't take "no" for an answer. Then there is a third guy who always asks me out for coffee but clearly has no sense of ethics or caring for his fellow human beings. I've had to continually say "no" to him too, as he is a habitual liar (brags about grandiose stuff about himself, including being in regular contact with several famous movie stars) and is just generally rude towards others.

I just recently got out of a situation with an older guy who lost interest in me even as a friend....so I am alone again.

I guess the reason for posting this is I'm curious. Why do I repel nice guys (even the ones with criminal records)? I know it seems like a contradiction, but I mean these are crimes that only hurt them personally and not against another person, although I concede I may be gullible, who knows... They are the kind that may not mesh well with society but are loyal to their woman, family, etc. I've never had much luck maintaining even friendships in these cases.

The only people that stick around are those that are openly rude and disruptive, that won't take "no" for an answer.

Which leads me to conclude that I'm only attractive if I'm running away!!

Please share your thoughts if you can. Why do nice guys not seem interested in me? I know you can't read my mind or the mind of the guys in question but would like more general commentary. Thoughts or experiences on this subject? Do you find that if you're a guy, you only attract mean women (or vice versa) if you're a woman? Hetero or other orientations are welcome to comment as well....

TJR, first I want to congratulate you for being way ahead of the curve. My family treated me like something we flush down the toilet, and I was always convinced it was me, even though I never appreciated their abuse. When psychiatrists would try to tell me how awful I was treated, I would actually bristle with anger and get defensive. It wasn't until after both of my parents were dead that I realized that their treatment of me was anything but normal, and that I had to change my way of thinking. I think realizing that at least part of the problem lies within us is the first step toward improving.

But to answer your question: Appearance is probably the biggest single factor in the kind of men a woman attracts. So, what I would recommend is envisioning the kind of men you want to attract, then trying to look like the kind of woman they do attract--from the way you dress, to the way you wear your hair, to your manners of speech. A shopping mall might be a good place for this kind of exercise, as you can observe all different classes of people closely without being disturbed.

I would also encourage you to be mindful of where you meet men at. If you meet them at a bar, you are likely to attract a rougher crowd than if you meet men at a church, school, library, or service club.

Good luck!

Be thankful the guys with criminal records lost interest in you. That's a pretty big flag that you're better off without them, and need to set your sights a little higher.

As for attracting predatory men, this seems to be a common theme with AS women. My guess is that a lot of it is do to gullibility/naivety because we do tend to take people at their word. I've had my share of winners, such as a guy I dated for two months maybe....and he ended up in prison. That was that and I didn't stay in contact, but a year or two later I received a call from him stating he was out and considered our relationship to be still standing. I was a nervous wreck until he was back in lockup a short time later. So been there, and you really don't want to keep them around.

For meeting better quality guys, Thelibrarian made some good points. Keep your eyes open, and don't accept any treatment that isn't worthy of you.

Lets start with the basics:

Where are you meeting this "nice guys" who wont take no for an answer/abused someone/whatever?

Got that?
Good, try to avoid making this place your main way to meet people.

I met plenty of people that were: abusive/lost interest in me/ only wanted something out of me(money, driving them around, help with homework, whatever)

When did this end?

The minute I started making a point to focus on interacting with people with whom I shared some values weekly(several groups focused on my main interest around the city, plenty of people there like talking to "an expert" even when Im in one of my worse days and Im interrupting others/answering back to whoever calls me out on this...).

Some people outside of this groups still approach me to talk.
Noise isolating headphones do the job whenever its someone I dont feel like talking to though

I can only reiterate what Thelibrarian and spongy said.

Dress to impress, and chose the locations where respectable people go to drink and socialise.

Well, are you mean and crude yourself?

Given your username, I wonder what you taste like.

I can relate to this a bit. When I was younger and before I'd even heard of Asperger's, I thought the only guys interested in me were the ones who'd honk their car horns at me and make rude gestures when I was out jogging and that sort of thing.

In hindsight, knowing now what I know about myself and AS in general, I realize that I was just too oblivious to realize it when a 'nice' guy was politely showing interest and the only social cues I picked up on were the really obvious ones. And, I've gotten similar feedback from former boyfriends, too, in that they said they'd initially thought I was wasn't interested in them because I didn't respond to their advances or whatever you'd call it. It wasn't that I wasn't interested, of course, just that I wasn't able to pick up on the fact that they were.

So, I wonder if it might not have anything to do with the signals you're putting out, OP, but be more about the signals you're missing.

I taste like tequila

I didn't know non-countries made tequila.

Oh, and by the way: I've never tried tequila. I think I would hate it.

I'm an IPA man. Strong and hoppy.

(I take it from Belgium. If you're not, it doesn't apply, but I'm still being a bigoted clown.)

Nope, not from Belgium

Are you French? That will be even worse, then!

Oh, and can you recommend me a good French restaurant? Frogs legs make excellent replacement chicken.

(On a more serious note: the French laïcité gets a lot of respect from me.)

I've been drinking and I'm juvenile.

Noooooooooooooo,not the little froggies legs!!!Frog legs are not a very good choice,most are farmed in China.They are spreading a deadly amphibian fungus,they are immune but they also displace the native frogs by eating them.Some of the better restaurants here have stopped serving them.Some people here go frog gigging,I can't stand the thought.

Misslizard, I will have to disagree with you on this one. Frog legs are delicious, and are one thing I miss about living in dry lands. It is true that many of them, like catfish, are now raised in China. But in Louisiana, I'd bet you can find domestic frog legs the same way I can find domestic cat fish here.

Having said this, I think Tequila was being facetious. I doubt frog legs are big in England, though anything is possible.

^^^They are just to cute to eat.But if they are wild harvested at least they had a life.No telling what conditions they live in being mass produced in China.I love to hear them croaking at night.

We do have some frogs where I'm at, but they only come out when it rains, which isn't often at all, especially in recent years. We have a few frogs here big enough to eat, but not enough in numbers. I haven't had them in years.