Page 1 of 1 [ 5 posts ] 

MissFabien
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 29 May 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 10
Location: UK

30 May 2013, 6:06 pm

I'm new but I'm just going to jump in and ask for some advice hopefully someone can help :)

I'm a 25 year old aspie girl and I've just got a NT boyfriend who I met on a dating site.
All of this is new to me as I've never dated a complete stranger before or been on a dating site.

I've known this man for a month, we went on three dates then he asked me to be his girlfriend by the next week. He's really nice and understanding and even researched AS before we went out.

I need help to keep conversations going and to keep him interested, and also some way of not freaking out because things seem to be moving really fast.

This guy is awesome I really like him but I'm not the best at talking or being interesting I have an extremely small social circle and only do a few things so I'm at a loss at what to do next......

Standing on the precipice ready to jump....I just need a safety net



CaroleTucson
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Aug 2009
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 824
Location: Tucson, AZ

30 May 2013, 7:41 pm

I think the key to being a good conversationalist is to focus on the other person. Get them talking about themselves, and try to minimize the amount of time you talk about yourself. I don't mean you have to subvert your personality to his, but anyone who talks about themselves all the time becomes very boring.



ShamelessGit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 718
Location: Kansas

30 May 2013, 8:23 pm

If he is so nice and understanding, then shouldn't you have some lee-way in making mistakes, or not being interesting at every possible moment? I don't mean to say that you should take him for granted, but maybe you don't need to worry very much.



MountainLaurel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2011
Age: 72
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,030
Location: New England

30 May 2013, 11:05 pm

Quote:
I'm at a loss at what to do next......

It would help to know what 'being his girlfriend' means to this man, who you have been getting to know for just a month.
Does it mean that he is asking whether you are willing to date him exclusively? Does it mean something about level of sexual activity? Does it mean that he wants to stop taking you on dates and just hang with you at home? I'd have asked him what that means to him.


Quote:
I'm at a loss at what to do next......

Going out on dates to interesting places or doing interesting things tends to cut down on needing to create conversation out of nothingness. I know the places and activities that are interesting to me; gardens, movies, museums, antique shops...........board games, poker, cooking together, hosting a party together............ Where do you like to go? What do you like to do? Is he taking you on dates?



Quote:
also some way of not freaking out because things seem to be moving really fast.

If it's freaking you out; it's going too fast for you. Slow it down. Yes; you can slow it down. You can slow it down by; not going to his home to just hang out and not have him to your home to just hang out. Only see him on dates where the two of you go out to public places. Don't have sex with him yet.



Quote:
Standing on the precipice ready to jump....I just need a safety net

Aside from continuing seeing him at public venues only; there is no safety net. Perhaps you should not jump yet. The best way to avoid getting involved in a train wreck of a relationship is to take it slow. (Hint, knowing someone for one month is not really knowing them very well.)



MissFabien
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 29 May 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 10
Location: UK

23 Jul 2013, 4:37 pm

Thanks for your advice! I've been trying to take things slow and have asked him what being his girlfriend entails....to which he replied being ourselves together and trusting each other.

Things are going really well....I've not had many relationships and they have never been this good....I'm happier than I have been in years...it's a little worrying that he's had such a big impact on me in such a short time but I'm enjoying this feeling whatever it is :D