Advice for Aspie girls

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Yes, you reminded me a female acquaintance who told me once that women get sad when a fan stop liking them or get a gf even if they don't like him.


Women....

For some of them that may be true, they may just like the extra attention.

Personally I put off a direct rejection unless they force my hand - I don't put it off because I enjoy it, but rather because I have no wish to offend or insult them - especially as many of them take it very personally and go cold with you and hold a grudge against you for it. When they are part of your social circle, it is to your advantage to avoid a direct rejection so group events within the social circle remain unchanged and it does not get super awkward.

(And I will be dealing with the fall out of a direct rejection that I have rejected 2 times tonight - although it seems it has not stopped him any)

Lose a bit of weight and come visit NZ, and I'll give you the time of day just for saying that.



I'll flip this around and state that "Most women do NOT get to the point at being able to adequately signal the difference between 'friendly' and 'flirty'".

You're definitely going to meet a lot of guys when you are studying Maths and Physics.
I completely sucked at science chemistry so I am doing psychology. Which is 90 percent girls.

Ha ha - I probably will meet lots of guys, but I'll bet they will all be younger than me - except for my lecturers of course, and you know what they say about dating your lecturers... I just made that up, I don't know what they say, but I doubt it would be a good idea until I'm a post-grad
We will see how it all goes - at the moment, the biggest challenge is definitely physical so once that looks like it might turn around, I may be more optimistic

I know some PhD students who are just as old as you – they aren't in Münster, though.

Er... I don't understand what that means...

You've raised a really good point - it's probably more about you being different than about you making the first move.

I'd happily hit on the post-grads

I'm basically saying that your way of methodically analyzing things and breaking things down is exceedingly appealing to me since it's pretty uncommon in women when applied to social affairs, hence would have been more than happy to have given you the chance if we weren't across the world from each other.

Ahhh - I see what you mean Point taken! I agree with you completely. Funny, I get the impression that when I actually do lose weight, geography will probably be less of a problem that it currently appears... hee hee hee...

Last edited by saraip on 13 Jul 2013, 12:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

Thanks mods.

Yes, probably

While I understand that does constitute an issue - most women who are irresistibly attracted to a man show it very overtly, and it cannot be mistaken or hidden.
In cases such as mine - nobody could possibly mistake my flirting for anything else or say I don't signal it because I am so damn obvious and over the top about it, although I never realise I am doing it. Yet plenty of men confuse me being "friendly" for something more (all very quickly realise their mistake if they ever actually see me flirt). It's not just something that I run into either, but something most women I know have an issue with. Something that studies have apparently confirmed (although I cannot remember the name or year or authors of them now).

One of my male friends who is really has himself together explained it like this: that before he couldn't tell the difference. Because women being polite, nice or friendly or just paying attention seemed like an invitation to him. When he was still clueless, he said he mistook that for caring, sympathy and that she liked him, so he took it as an invitation to try to date her. When he started to learn more about women and became better with them, he mistook that for an invitation to chase her for sex. Now he can tell the difference because he isn't lacking anything anymore and therefore can see clearly without his unmet needs or wants getting in the way, instead he can connect on a personal level.

Our differences in opinion are probably a result of our different experiences.

If you ever look at dating advice sites and look at the sections on things like the body language women use when flirting, 95% of women are NEVER that obvious even when they ultimately end up going out with the guy while I watch them interact. You NEVER seem to see the obvious hair twirly, feet swively, lip-bitey stuff, or the very sensual tones of voice.

So either women have a habit of going out with men they aren't really all that attracted to, or maybe women THINK they're being unmistakably flirty but aren't. But alas, this would be indistinguishable from the MEN also being the ones who can't tell the difference without hard studies to demonstrate it rigorously.

In your case, it might be that men are SO used to trying to tell the difference between two subtly differfent states with most women, that for the women that ARE obvious, it looks like they're clueless.

I have noticed that flirting in anglo culture is much, much more toned down than what I am used to. That probably muddles the waters a bit.

I really would put my money on the underlined part causing the bolded part.
In such a situation you are right, they often play right down the line halfway between friendly and flirty, trying to flirt consciously, but not entirely succeeding because they aren't really attracted to them, or aren't attracted to them enough subconsciously. I see that a lot when I am out. Since friendly is enough to get most guys to chase though, they generally succeed anyway in the end.

But apart from that, studies have been done showing it.
Combine the two problems together and you have a real mess.