Is it wrong to cheat if no one finds out?

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I didnt mention an oppinion. I told her to ask her partner for his oppinion, because its the one important.

We can only assume. How it really is, she will only know, if she talks with her partner. I understand that in most cases, her partner wont be happy. But that doesnt change reality. Reality is, that whyever she has some kind of feelings for her brother. To deal with that propper, the way he wants, he needs to know of it. Getting told by the doctor to have cancer is also no fun, but to deal with it and make a desicion about it, you need to know about it.

About the partners brother in law. Wouldnt the brother in law, of her partner, be her own brother? O_o

Last edited by Schneekugel on 15 Jul 2013, 6:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

I wonder which role the milkman plays in this.

This story was still lacking incest, until now.

I too have gotten confused....the OP went from male to female, engaged to married and now we're really not sure who is who.

Perhaps the OP should try to get a Realdoll which looks like the bloke she fancies, and just have sex with that ?
Then, she could stuff it in the attic and be sure that it would never tell anybody about what they got up to.
Problem solved !

Don't cheat. It wrecks too many good things.

I've never heard the word "cheat" referenced in a positive way.

Well, I cheat constantly while playing the 'Sam and Max' games on my Xbox 360 ; because the puzzles are often hopelessly obscure.
Because of this I find that cheating enhances my enjoyment of the games, while minimising my potential frustrastion.

I find it odd that people use "cheating" as a euphymism for "shagging somebody else in a monogamous relationship, while sneaking around behind your partner's back".

Wait ! Call the whole plan off !
I have realised a major flaw in my suggestion.

What if her beloved is looking for something else in the attic and discovers a real-doll that looks like his brother ?
Awkward much ! !! !

My goodness, that's a Jerry Springer Show just waiting to happen.

Just imagine ! It would probably go like this....

(the show opens to show the OP sitting in a chair looking sulky. Jerry Springer is grinning and holding a microphone.)

Jerry - "A warm welcome to the Jerry Springer Show !
Our next guest has the hots for one of her family, but it looks like she forgot to tell her partner even though they're engaged to be married.
Please welcome to the show Beloved. He was looking through his attic one day looking for an old tyre when he discovered a sex doll that looked like his own brother ! Give a big hand to Beloved. Let's hear what he has to say."

(an irate man walks onto the main stage)

Beloved - "Dammit woman. What the hell are you doing with a sex doll of my brother ???"
OP - "It's not mine ! I don't know how it got into the attic !"
Beloved - "Don't you lie to me you deceitful cow. Do you expect me to believe that it just walked up there all on its own ?"
OP - "Well I don't know. Maybe you put it there yourself."
Beloved - "God dammit woman. I'm not the one who wants to shag my own family. I've seen how you look at each other. What the hell is wrong with you ?"

(Jerry interrupts to say : "Ho ho looks like we have a bit of a lover's tiff going on. Let's give a big welcome to Beloved's Brother and see what he has to say about the situation.")

(a hunky young man walks on grinning and waving at the crowd)

Beloved's brother - "I have no idea why I'm here."
Beloved (pointing at OP) - "This crazy chick was keeping a real doll of you in the attic. Lord knows what she was doing with it."
OP - "You liar. I am totally innocent. I aint done nothing wrong."

Jerry Springer - "Well, let's hear what the Realdoll has to say about it."

(A security guard comes on-stage, lugging the Realdoll over his shoulder ; then sets it down in a chair.)

Jerry - "So, you were found in OP's attic. Do you have anything to say for yourself ?
Realdoll - "..."
Jerry - "I guess he's the quiet type (chuckle)"

(knock knock)
Jerry - "Who could that be ? Well, look who it is - it's the Reverend Schnorr !"

Schnorr (stumbling onto the stage) - "So I'm here to get two people married. Who's getting married out of you lot ?
(he points a drunken finger in the group's general direction)

(Beloved looks horrified, and looks desperately towards the fire exit)

Beloved's Brother - "I'm scared. Can I run away now, please ?"


. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . .

I would hate for all of this to happen simply because of the OP following what I felt at the time was a helpful suggestion.

I would feel SO guilty.... and my gosh, who would want to have a feeling of guilt hanging over them for the rest of their lives if it can easily be avoided.

the question being asked here just deserves the response.. never go full ret*d

WTF??

Of course it's wrong. 100% wrong.

I tried to clarify this already but... I'm a woman but gender-queer, but I did not mean to mark myself as a man on my profile, it was accidental.

And yes, the person in question is my partner's brother in law. Not my brother and not his brother, but the husband of my partner's sister.

We are engaged. I don't know where I ever said "married" or "husband"... but if I did it was a slip; sometimes I do that in person as well, because we've been together and living together like a married couple for a while.

I appreciate all the responses so far and you have all given me things to consider and I now have an idea of what the (unanimous?) consensus is. Perhaps I'm beating a dead horse or is just me being dense, but I'm stiill basicly seeing a categorical imperative that 1) cheating is bad for a relationship and 2) cheating is per se wrong. I guess we just have differnet points of view, but what I largely want to know is whether there's a utilitarian argument to be made for it being wrong, other than the risk of being caught.

The other thing you are not getting is that cheating is not by any means utilitarian - unless you are a heartless human being or have no feelings towards your partner or your committed relationship whatsoever, there is guilt. There is also the suffering of other people, which will even if you are not a nice person lead to the suffering of you as you end up with nothing. You are trying very very very very very hard to rationalize your desires, rather than look at the bigger picture. You have come here to get the ok, or at the very least get reassurance that what you plan on doing can be covered up or have zero impact on anyone else. Newsflash - it DOES. Even if you don't get caught, your behaviour will chance, things won't add up, your lover might rat on you. As desperate as you are to make this all seem simple and without repercussions, it is not. I'm sorry but you are going to have to accept that before you make your decision.

Yup, I introduce you ladywoof, she's Booer than face of Boo.