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Ann2011
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08 Aug 2013, 9:27 am

I'm going on a first date tomorrow with a guy I met on POF. I'm a little nervous about it. My previous relationships have usually morphed from friendships, so I don't have a lot of actual dating experience.
He is neurotypical and I'm not sure how soon to let him know that I'm autistic. Should I hold our as long as possible so that there is no labeling and then when he does find out, he may not care. Or should I be up front about it - I don't want to waste his time; he may not want to pursue a relationship with someone who finds life a little challenging (so to speak.)
Does anyone have an experiences with first date disclosure? How did it go?



nebrets
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08 Aug 2013, 12:37 pm

When I was on okcupid I put it on my profile with some general information about stimming, and some sensory things, and eye contact. But I would not talk about it and bring it up to someone I was taking to until we had been talking for several weeks. I would not bring it up on a first date, let them get to know you a bit so they can put the information in context, unless they point out one of your AS traits.

The best thing to do is to remember to listen, and after they finish saying something and pause, repeat the last 2-5 words they said. Then the person will keep talking. They will also think you are awesome and really paying attention to them in a positive way.

I do not advise bringing up AS on a first date because 1, most people will have no idea what it really means, especially in relation to you, and 2, most so called mental problems should not be brought up immediately because people will think that you are not stable. You need to give them time to see that you are stable first.
I struggle with depression, but I currently have it controlled with anti-depressants. I do not bring up my depression struggles first thing because that does not define the whole of me. After a person has seen that I am stable, and have it under control, then I can talk about it. Also these are really personal details and NTs do not talk about this kind of really personal details until they are really involved with someone. I have trouble understanding what is too personal to talk about with a person depending on how well I know them and the situation,but I do know that any type of medical condition is a no-no most of the time.

So therefore stick with the trick stated above to get the other person to be the main talker. Goo luck.


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Ann2011
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08 Aug 2013, 1:41 pm

nebrets wrote:
I do not advise bringing up AS on a first date because 1, most people will have no idea what it really means, especially in relation to you, and 2, most so called mental problems should not be brought up immediately because people will think that you are not stable. You need to give them time to see that you are stable first.
I struggle with depression, but I currently have it controlled with anti-depressants. I do not bring up my depression struggles first thing because that does not define the whole of me. After a person has seen that I am stable, and have it under control, then I can talk about it. Also these are really personal details and NTs do not talk about this kind of really personal details until they are really involved with someone. I have trouble understanding what is too personal to talk about with a person depending on how well I know them and the situation,but I do know that any type of medical condition is a no-no most of the time.

So therefore stick with the trick stated above to get the other person to be the main talker. Goo luck.

Thanks for the advice. Makes sense to me. Why create worry when there may not be any need for it? :D



Northeastern292
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08 Aug 2013, 2:24 pm

Ann2011 wrote:
nebrets wrote:
I do not advise bringing up AS on a first date because 1, most people will have no idea what it really means, especially in relation to you, and 2, most so called mental problems should not be brought up immediately because people will think that you are not stable. You need to give them time to see that you are stable first.
I struggle with depression, but I currently have it controlled with anti-depressants. I do not bring up my depression struggles first thing because that does not define the whole of me. After a person has seen that I am stable, and have it under control, then I can talk about it. Also these are really personal details and NTs do not talk about this kind of really personal details until they are really involved with someone. I have trouble understanding what is too personal to talk about with a person depending on how well I know them and the situation,but I do know that any type of medical condition is a no-no most of the time.

So therefore stick with the trick stated above to get the other person to be the main talker. Goo luck.

Thanks for the advice. Makes sense to me. Why create worry when there may not be any need for it? :D


Definitely don't be the main talker, unless absolutely necessary. You'd be surprised how powerful listening is.