Advice?

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Hi! I'm pretty new to this forum, I just found it while browsing around online looking for advice. This situation is like this.. I've been in a serious, committed relationship with a man who is an Aspie for about 5 or so years now. We live together, have a life together. He has difficulties maintaining employment, assisting with the day-to-day aspects of our lives (bill payments, debts, errands, household tasks, etc). It's been quite daunting at times to be the sole provider for our home. I love him immensely, and want only the best things in life for him, but it has put strains on our relationship in the past, and present. We have always worked it out in the past though. I can have a temper at times, and while I try to be as patient, loving and understanding as I can be, I am human, and at times reach my breaking point when bills are rolling in and new, unexpected expenses come up leaving me stressed and strapped.
I don't think he has ever fully been able to see just how much I try to make a home for him, try and work several jobs to keep us afloat, and try to maintain stability as best I can in his life, which at times makes me feel like I'm not doing enough to provide for him, for us and leads to pretty bad depression at times.
The problem lately, is that I feel like he is giving up on us. I feel like he continues to distance himself from me, our relationship, etc. When I try and approach the topic with him and try to reassure him that I am here for him, whatever comes our way (and we've been through some major league issues in our relationship) he seems to struggle to understand the concept of continued support and love.
Does anyone (Aspie or NT) have any suggestions on how to work through typical relationship issues with an Aspie, without causing added stress in both worlds?

Well, it sounds like he is not holding his end up financially. Does he have a plan to start to contribute more? It's a strain for both of you if one is contributing more. As for not appreciating what you do; it could just be a lack of expression on his part. I know for me, I often forget to tell people that I appreciate something they've done, even though I do appreciate it.

Thanks. Sometimes I am just so overwhelmed by all of it that I don't really know where to turn. My family/friends don't really know what to say about this either.. it's not really a subject or issue that comes into play in many relationships in my circle of friends or between my family/ extended family members..

Does anyone else male/female, aspie/NT have any similar situations in their love lives? I get the feeling that some of what I experience with my spouse is typical of an aspie, but I'm also not sure exactly how much of it would be aspie behaviour vs just his personality or inexperience in a long term committed relationship...

I suspect by this point he's lost a lot of self-confidence in what he can do. He needs some support and guidance in finding and maintaining employment. I'm in a bit of a similar situation - who's going to take on an autistic in a wheelchair with an English Lit degree in this economic climate when there are so many perfectly healthy and able-bodied NTs looking for work? I'm basically at the back of the queue, one of the DWP's "difficult" clients. I graduated 4 years ago and have only been able to get voluntary work. I know my self-confidence has taken a massive hit and it feels like nobody will ever want to employ me.

A lot of us do have issues holding down jobs, much as we might want to (and as a general rule, we want to work!) but we often need additional support and guidance in identifying our skills and strengths, help with job applications, interview techniques and so on. I know I'm rubbish at interviews (every time I've got feedback they've said they didn't like that I didn't make eye contact - one of the reasons I was so keen to get a formal diagnosis because now I can tell them beforehand, "Look, I've got Asperger's so I have extreme difficulty with eye contact so please don't hold it against me if I don't make eye contact") and there are people out there who can help with that? Where are you based geographically?

I honestly think that a lot of it is a lack of self-confidence, possibly by now also some depression, and if depression is present there's a tendency to withdraw and so on from relationships. It sounds to me like what he needs most is help with the job process and improving confidence.

Yes I understand what you are both feeling and are going through...there is so many problems with not just relation ships .there are money problems ...job problems.. debts....bills.... pressure from creditors etc...

thats enough to stresss any one to the point of depression.....ok now I will start with advice to you...I had a wonderful beatiful girl Ii was in a relationship with for 18 yrs she would do anything for me...well I had no clue..but she slowly changed me...with her love for me...I felt love for her the first time in my life...but couldnt tell her..I came from a family that had no love ..so she had her hands full...she started to drink..and get drunk to handle the stress...and I felt bad.... for not being selfish.... but for not understanding her needs of affection...to tell her I love her when she started crying when she was sad.. to give her a hug and say honey everything will be ok.... or buy her flowers .

..my point is we got torn apart by poor advice through her family....my advice is cry ..
.it reallly gets to us in a good way..dont get mad. it just makes things worse..and we start to distance ourselves from you and forget about the real problems..crying and fully explaining the situation to him should motivate him..hes depressed as welll and you feel you are the one doing everything ....explain that to him in full detail..sit down and have a positive approach....never negetive ..do not blame each othet it happens..tell him sitting there being depressed is not going to help anything..we need a plan ..ask him what we should do...or can do .say theres always hope...things will work out only if you try please .
.we need a clear mind to think..so work together get a loan sell something ..pawn it..whatever you need to do ..do it together..

and 1 last thing ..tell him I lost my soulmate I didnt even know I had..and not to make the same mistake as me...hes very very lucky to have you...I have not found anyone even close to what I let slip away..

in return for losing .my family..I felt strong feelings ..I actually cried and missed her..love....hate .all the emotions ..I wished I had .. I would give it back in a second..for her..
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