people just ignore you until you go away

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This is (probably, hopefully) not something I'm going through right this minute, but it is something I've experienced a LOT and I don't know if it's just a generational thing or an NT thing or what but I believe that if you have established a connection with someone and don't want to be involved anymore, you should tell them so. I've had people instead just stop answering my calls or messages and wait for me to get the hint that they don't want to talk to me anymore, which is rude and much more hurtful than it would be to just be honest. Am I the only person who thinks it's not OK to do this?

I'm beginning to think it is an NT thing. They don't have the spine to say they won't call or write to you anymore, for whatever reason, so they just ignore you like a dog in the street. Yeah, it hurts like the dickens and it makes you isolate, but I guess that comes with the autistic territory.

"Good riddance" is all I think whenever someone does that to me, like I would ever want to get back in contact with someone doing that stuff to me.

This only really happened to me once, yes it took a while to get over, but what's important to note is that I don't really see a way I could have done the same to that girl, and I only had it that bad the one time. Everyone else I've gotten close to, especially since, has been worlds more forthcoming. I have to assume it's reluctance on their part to give someone the boot, but then they misread the subtext - the boot lets you move on.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

This does seem to be a pretty common occurrence, and I will admit that I have done so myself on a few occasions. Why exactly do people do it? I think there are a few reasons.

1. Conflict avoidance is pretty common trait for people to have, and most people would rather let a relationship end slowly and quietly rather than abruptly in the course of a single confrontation.

2. It simply requires less effort than confrontation. Inaction almost always takes less effort.

3. People need to protect their ego. It is far easier to rationalize why you are ignoring someone, rather than openly telling them to leave you alone.

4. We humans have a strange tendency to view action and inaction as two separate things. In reality, doing nothing is really no different than doing something, and refusing to choose is, in itself, a choice. We just tend to feel much less guilty about not doing good things versus doing bad things.

5. Many people also habitually avoid commitment, and telling someone to leave you alone versus simply ignoring them is a commitment towards non-communication.


However, it is important not to jump to conclusions whenever we feel someone is ignoring us. We cannot read minds, and thus we cannot know for sure why someone may not respond when we reach out to them. They may be busy, or not in the mood to talk, or any number of things. I've accused friends of ignoring me in the past, and this has usually led to them acting confused and hurt. However, sometimes people really are ignoring you in the hopes that you will leave them alone, and I usually find it best to simply let those relationships go.

I've been the victim of this on several occasions. I personally think it's rude and disrespectful. I think that the reason people do it is because they think it's easier to just pretend someone doesn't exist than to actually tell them how they feel.

sometimes being ignored beats the alternatives.

Not for me. I'd much rather hear "it's over, move on" than have to struggle to convince myself there's no hope when I still want to believe there is but I'm just getting silence. It also feels like I'm not important enough to even get an official break-off.

^^^ I'm familiar with that feeling.

I agree that when this happened to me, I must have proverbially stepped on some toes, predicating my ex-friend's rude intentions, but I don't see any value in presuming she didn't simply forget about me. I haven't been in college yet after all...

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos