Societal fear of aspies in relationships!

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Do you think a fear in society that if autistic people date or have partners that they will pass there autism onto somebody else if they had children? Hence this might be a barrier perhaps for us to take part in romantic relationships maybe?


My dad is not keen on me to have a girlfriend out of fear that I will give my aspergers to somebody else.


From what I understand they are trying to find a cure for autism so why would the Neurotypical society want us to date or marry?

It's all fear mongering for the most part. The collective promotes fear through such modes as media and through word of mouth from other people in their experiences with people such as us. instead of focusing on the good that we can give to other people, everyone would rather focus on the negative. Of course, you have people that believe they can cure what is not an illness, but a disorder. They will fail in this attempt at finding a cure. If anything, someone will find a way to stimulate our brainwaves in a way that will help us function better in social settings and in communication.

Last edited by aspiemike on 20 Jul 2013, 5:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Good golly, there's nothing wrong with having autism and there's nothing wrong with autism being passed down to children. In fact, if anything, it should be good that you have autism. Has your father ever considered thinking how successful one with autism can be when it comes to a certain topic and career? Albert Einstein had autism, Alexander Graham Bell had autism, other people in the past that are well known had autism. Whatever is your father afraid of autism for? Sure, we may have social issues in some areas depending on how much we've been taught, but you shouldn't let your father's fear get in the way of your social life. Are you wanting a girlfriend someday? And hey, your father shouldn't care if he ends up having autistic grandchildren. And anyway, there are different levels of autism and it all varries on our lifestyles. Seriously, if you want a girlfriend, get yourself a girlfriend. Your father should accept if he ends up with autistic grandchildren.

If its any consolation to your dad, I'm 54 and have one daughter, who is now 21, who has shown no signs of Autism on any level. She has a 2yo daughter of her own, who inherited her father's terrible eyesight, but also shows no Autistic Symptoms.

OTOH, My Grandmother on my Father's side displayed obvious traits of Asperger Syndrome and my sister has had one out of her three kids diagnosed PDD-NOS. I have one other female cousin on Dad's side who, out of four children, is the only one diagnosed with Asperger. So there seems to be some genetic component, but it is not necessarily handed down directly. Even if it were, its not like you're going to pass on AIDS or the Plague or something. I hate it when people act like we have some sort of DISEASE or DANGEROUS MENTAL ILLNESS. Its a neurological handicap, fer chrissakes. A disability, like Dyslexia. There's nothing wrong with being a Geek - I've known lots of so-called "normal" people and you couldn't PAY me to be like those idiots.

I'm more worried about people passing NTism onto their children, quite frankly.

I passed on Aspergers to my twin daughters, and they have suffered greatly in life so far (horrible depression, suicide attempts, insomnia, no friends or dates, no job, etc.); however, they are two of the most ethical, thoughtful, talented (writing and art), intelligent and interesting people I've ever known. The world would be enhanced by more of their kind. I just wish the suffering didn't have to be so bad.

The only place I've ever heard of this is on this site, so no I don't think that most people feel this way.

I knew a guy who said he never wanted to have kids so as not to pass on this plague.
I don't understand it. I think that more aspie is our genetic future. There world is tech now not feats of strength. once we have robots to do most things for us and less face to face interactions aspergers is the future of humanity and it is a good thing.

Well, its obvious that many don't seem to really understand me and my boyfriend's relationship since we both have autism. We tend to express our love in different ways and we don't find sex all that important in contrast to this day and age where all I hear is sex,sex,sex and if you are not doing it your relationship is awful and if there are relgious reasons why, then you better feel a lot of unbearable temptation you have to deal with. Though, we are two perfectly straight people and fine being sexless, we prefer stuff like video games and D&D over such things. If we were to do it now, then it would just feel so contrived.

We aren't concerned really if our children get autism since we feel like having autism ourselves and living as children in a time when autism was almost unheard of in our parts, we have an idea with how to deal with them.

Nope, I don't.
Tell your dad you'll wear a condom.
Worry about the rest when you marry.

While there's quite a bit of evidence to suggest a degree of hereditariness (I don't care if that's not a word, Shakespeare made up words all the time) with autism, it's not a given that any child you might have will be on the spectrum.

I can say I've come across this fear before and it's usually because the parent is worried that their potential grandchildren will have all the difficulties and troubles that their child had growing up. Personally, I think that any potential children who are on the spectrum will be in a better position than if they were to be born to a completely NT couple because their parents would understand them better and be able to help them cope and deal with stuff and thus said potential child would have a much easier time of it.

Apologies if that didn't make much sense! Did it make sense?

My father probably has mild, never-diagnosed autistic tendencies of some sort - he acts a bit like me and my daughter, but not to the same extremes, and he was born before Asperger's was a thing so he's never had an official diagnosis of anything. My daughter on the other hand acts a LOT like I did as a kid so definitely I believe there at least CAN be a genetic link to autism, BUT my mother says my daughter actually seems to be less severely affected than me, so maybe it's not a "this keeps getting more severe" chain like I feared at one time. Also, my fears about that were put aside somewhat when I read an article about a whole autistic family - father, mother, and children - who would make family time to jump on a trampoline or scream and release tension. I could actually see that being a really happy situation.

I love this ^^ What is there to be afraid of? Sure the kids will be different that the rest of society if they are Aspies, but what's wrong with that? In fact, I think it would be beneficial for an Aspie to have a child/children that are Aspie as well, we would understand what they are going through more than anyone else ever could.

Yep. My BF is, as someone here at WP put it, a "camo-Aspie." He's 46, undiagnosed, and highly accomplished at faking being NT. He has memorized hundreds of social scripts, is very successful professionally, and can get almost any woman into bed - once or twice. Beyond that, however, his social interactions and personal life are string of unmitigated disasters. He has no idea how lucky he is that no one has beat the living he11 out of him (I personally intervened - twice). His 12-year-old son had a language delay and a "learning disability" that fits hyperlexia to a T (just like dad), but the word "autism" makes him testy. He's fought his whole life to be "normal," and refuses to give that up.

But he isn't normal at all, and frankly, his superficial "NT-ness" is what I like least about him. It's also what gets him into the most trouble. His best qualities are his Aspie quirks. But he is "context-impaired," and has compensated for his lack of executive function and theory of mind with a rigid set of assumptions and prejudices that cause him to harshly misjudge decent people - or naively walk straight into manipulator's traps. If I have any concerns about potentially having children with him, it's not the genetics. I'm afraid he's teaching his kids some perverse and dangerous "NT" things that are rarely true and/or rarely work. His understanding of psychology is a mile wide and an inch deep, and I'd dread having to argue with him about it.

As for NTs trying to "treat" or "cure" autism . . . sigh. I wish they'd go work on cancer like everyone else.

I think some NTs are scared of that. Potential partners might be scared because they would be worried about how they'll have to help their Aspie with day to day things & having kids who are also Aspies would need more special help from the NT partner. I heard from a few places that a lot of parents of autistic kids get divorced. I think raising an autistic kid would be harder for most; I'm NOT saying that us autistics are bad but we tend to be less adaptable for today's world. If the theory of evolution applies with dating; those who are weakest in their environment are less likely to survive & attract mates & thus die off so its not about us being autistic but rather the problems us autistics face that make us less deseriable & may cause others to worry about us having kids. It's like that for people with physical disabilities too.