What makes feelings real?

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Something that confuses me is how do you know if your feelings are real?

Maybe I am in love with someone. But I'm not sure if I really am. A big part of me doesn't want to be in love with him because he isn't in a position to have a relationship with me. So it's pretty pointless.

But I feel bad. This feeling bad is basically a total waste of my energy and it is a waste of time to feel ill over someone I can't have.

I don't know if I have real feelings that I just don't want to be real. Or whether I have superficial feelings and I am making a big deal out of nothing at all.

Do you ever feel the same way? I often feel like having feelings is a waste of time. They get in the way of things that need to be done. I know, I sound like a Vulcan. But feelings genuinely seem like pointless distractions to me. I like it when I have no feelings for anyone. It's just better to be happy and content alone. It's more peaceful and easier to get on with life. No angst, just happily going about my life.

All feelings are real, it's just whether you can interpret and understand your feelings correctly, or if your feelings are reciprocated that is at issue.
I still sometimes crave contact with ex girlfriends, or wonder what it would be like with them.
I don't go there, as I am married, and have been with my wife for 9 years, so in my case these feelings are not love, but a combination of regret, reminiscence, lust, and grief at the lost relationships.
Going back there is never a good idea, as you will stir up feelings in yourself, and in the ex, that will be hard to deal with, and likely lead to more pain for both parties.

I think it's not so much a case of whether your feelings are real, so much as trying to understand and interpret them, and see if they are what you think they are on the surface, or if it's thoughts, feelings and emotions playing a trick on you, and your thoughts are confusing lust, desire, or affection for love.

It's never a good idea to initiate something deeper than friendship, or even sometimes friendship, if it's with someone that can't reciprocate, especially if they already have a partner, or have just come out of a relationship.

One technique you could use would be to keep a thoughts and emotions diary, you can write this each day, and at the end of the week read through it, as it will help you to better understand the complex divide between what goes on in your head and what's happening in your heart.
The fact you have thought about this, and want to work it out, already means you're on the way.
Aspie hugs.

Ben.

I hate keeping a diary. I always look back at what I've written and think, "What the hell was I thinking, that was stupid!"

Ye I have felt the exact same way. I don't want feelings. I have often wondered if they are real. I spent a while ignoring my feelings because I couldn't understand what made them real. I thought I was above them, that if I didn't let them occur, they wouldn't. I now realize the difference between when I acknowledge my feelings and when I don't. Even that simple act of acknowledging my feelings helps in some cases to ease them.

I'm in the same boat. I have feelings for a female friend, but I don't know if I'm really in love with her...

I'm the same way. I hate having feelings for people because i is annoying and useless. All of my experiences with having feelings for someone in the past have only led to heartbreak. I don't like repeating situations that have hurt me, but I doubt anyone does. Besides a few short lived interests, I've been crush free for nearly two years. Between telling myself not to have romantic feelings and getting older make such feelings harder to come by anyway.

I can kind of relate I have had feelings for girls I could not be with and girls I thought it could work with but got hurt in those situations. I tried to learn to not have obsessions for certein people but it is really hard for me in my case. I"m really thinking about staying single for life I agree it might make life easier for me but you never know but I'm sure everything will work out for you.

my problem is coming from the opposite direction, I always have troubles gauging the feelings from others.

feelings are subjective.

but they are your reality until they turn into something else.