The "Hi, how are you?" opening messages on okc.

Post Reply New Topic

Women often complain that they get a lot of those (ie. "Hi", Hi hru", Hi I am Sam, what's your name?") on dating sites; and they demand to get well-crafted opening messages that show they read their profiles + an "interesting question" at the end, in order to even consider replying; but is it the latter the natural thing?

The truth is, no, it is not.

Because, in real life, the first step in the *natural* process of getting to know someone new is by saying a form of "Hi" / "Hello" and then the conversation progresses naturally, and not by cracking some random joke or telling about something you noticed about the person.

In real life, when a guy X sees a girl Y who is appealing to him, he would simply say "hi / hello" "- I am Sam" to her and the girl replies the same, and the conversation should take its flow, saying more as intro would sound really creepy or pua-like (ie. "Hi, I 've noticed you often wear Benetton, I like Benetton too, where do you often shop?") --> exactly like the well-crafted intro okc messages you ladies demand, composed of something he noticed about you + the question.

I bet that most "Hi /hello" guys on okc are newcomers to online dating or simply are not too savvy into the "online life" so they're simply applying what's common sense and normal in real life. Those guys probably aren't aware yet of the 1) abnormally imbalanced gender ratio 2) The abnormal process of getting to know someone new on dating sites.

They're simply thinking of dating sites as real public places but not as what they really turned into: job board sites, where:
Gender ratio as imbalanced as Employers:Candidates ratios.
Woman = Employer
Man = Employee
Intro message = Cover letter
Man's profile = CV
Woman's profile = Company profile/ Job description with a lot of requirements.
Date = job Interview

And by insisting on getting well crafted intros, you're simply reinforcing the job board culture of date sites.

The "Hi/Hello" guys might don't know about all this abnormally-constructed enviroment of the dating sites. They probably don't even need dating sites that much because they can get dates elsewhere hence why they didn't research much about the tips and how a guy is supposed to do there.


So for Yuzu and other women who are disregarding "Hi/hey" guys there simply because of their very short intro (which is the normal thing in real life), don't you think they might be leading more normal and balanced lives than guys who write well-crafted messages and who spent ages of their lives learning how to optimize online dating?

Just give what I said a thought. I personally recommend to look into their profiles before dismissing them, they might turn out way more interesting and normal than us guys who write well-crafted and "clever" cover lett....*cough* I mean intros.

The thing I notice about these people online is that they often don't contribute much to the conversation. This applies to all forums and websites, not just online dating which I'm not currently involved with. I'd be pretty disinterested IRL if I was getting answers like "pasta" or "wow" to everything I asked or said.

I try to be polite and give them a chance before I let a conversation die, but some days I just don't have the energy. I have to be pleasant, analytical, and engaging with disinterested, unresponsive, or distraught people every afternoon at work. *shrug*

Back to treating dates like job interviews, are we? You know that kind of mindset all but kills any chance of romance developing, right?

I think it all goes back to women thinking that if a guy gives them a well thought out message it means they are more into me and willing to put in more effort I f*****g hate one sided conversations and women can't seem to get that it is a huge turn off.

Online dating to me just seems like a giant ego trip for women with minimal effort.

Well, it's an online dating site, not a bar. The information (the profile) you can work with is right there in front of you.
And if they disregard all of that and choose to only say "hey how are you?" then they are not very smart, rather lazy I'd say.
I mean we all put some effort to write our profiles and answer questions, I wish they also put some effort to read them and come up with a somewhat original message. It doesn't have to be long. The best message I got was just 2 sentences long but it was very clever and sweet.

I will look at their profiles if the matching percentage is high though. If not forget it.

Since okcupid adjusted my matching, got one of those notifications. It went downhill from there.
i'm thinking of creating a new profile.

i don't like the "hi, how are you?" opening. i find it annoying.

i like a simple "hello"

Well, that's simply an out-of-the-box advice ladies, just take it or leave it.

*Yawn* I don't feel like wanting to debate over it.

Dude, it's really pretty easy. Read their profile, find something you have in common or something interesting that they're doing (college majors, hobbies, careers, ect.) and comment on it. If you have experience with what they're doing, mention it. Let's say she likes zombie movies, and you like zombie movies. So you could write a message that says:

"Hey, did you see that new movie that just came out? I liked it, but it wasn't as good as ______________."

Boom, you've established that you have something in common and you've started a conversation. Women get a million messages a day. If you make the effort to actually prove that you read their profile and actually are legitimately interested in what they're interested in, you'll see a lot more success.

I stopped bothering a couple years ago initiating contact with people. Reading through profiles and finding a way to message people lead to way too much overthinking and too many no replies. I then realized "I enjoy life outside of this too much to care about this." I made friends, some I got romantic with, and a few would message me on POF, OkCupid and Match.com. Sadly enough, the sad puppy routine got me more attention than anything else. I would get replies like "awww, I bet I could be a positive influence on your life." One date, and then done with them.