Love Question

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How can you tell if a man with Aspergers is in love with you? I get mixed signals and I have an emotional reaction inside myself - but I am aware of the issues with AS and I try to rationalize it because I want to be able to stay strong and support this man that I love. So I am wondering if someone can give me AS type clues so I can rationalize and work it out in my head better. I hope that makes sense. We are just starting our relationship and I don't want to talk it to death either. So if I can understand better, it will help things improve for me too.

I am familiar with NT clues, but not AS.

Thank you for your help.

Shara Lynn

I would suggest not worrying too much. If you are worried, just open a dialogue, ask how he feels, etc. Some Aspies (like myself) will start to push people away when you start getting close. Its the whole "i want a girlfriend but now that I have one I don't want one as much and want my alone time" thing we have. Give him some space if things get sticky is my best advice. But definitely tell him how you feel, open a dialogue.

How can anyone tell they're in Love?

Sorry, that's not very helpful.

I can tell when I'm OBSESSED

like Hartz said.

Sarah.

my advice.

just talk to him.

What is love?

P.S. Just talk to the guy

You are taking advise about men from men, but if you just told me and let me decide, I would probably be happy you asked if me was interested and you'd get a response.

my guy is AS and i know he loves me because he tells me and because he tries very hard (generally) to make me happy.
maybe he isn't always being true to himself, which worries me, but there's nothing i can do about that.

You're like...one week behind me there I pretty much just finished having a freak-out session earlier this week because I wasn't sure if my AS man really loved me/wanted me or not because I was being an idiot and forgetting the cues are different. Turns out he does...ran to my rescue like a true gentleman and reassured me! He still doesn't know how to show it, though...we're still deciphering that one.

I get this feeling I'm meant to be the one making the moves and pushing things forward, he's openly confessed to having no idea what he's doing

Seriously don't do what I just did. I'm a very non-verbal person. I read off physical and unspoken cues. I speak very little myself. He's got his cues all wrong (ie: there are NONE). Instead of talking about it I let it get to me and ended up driving around in tears because I thought he didn't want me any more Talking would be an AS advantage...make use of it! Just talk to him...gently voice your concerns, listen carefully to what he has to say. It's nerve-wracking talking about this sort of stuff (do you love me? how much do you love me? what can we do to show our love for each other? what's going too far and not going far enough? where are the lines drawn? lines, what lines? Etc...) but it's so worth it. Save your heart from breaking!

<3

Thank you everyone for your advice. It was very helpful. The man I love is hard to read because he acts loving but I can't assume anything. It might just be that he is happy about something else in his life. If you have any other pointers on how men with aspergers act when they are in love, that would be helpful. Especially with regard to building relationships, and how to approach intimacy.

I want to have as much information as I can so I can understand better and make this relationship work for the long term.

Thank you in advance for your advice.

Shara Lynn

Talking is good, but there is a major caveat to it. Aspies are known for being bluntly honest, but their sense of protection and security comes first. If they don't feel that it is safe to be honest (i.e. if they express how they truly feel, they will be punished physically or emotionally), then they won't be honest. In that case at best the message coming out will be very mixed, as though they want to tell you how they feel but just can't, and you'll be left to decipher the true meaning of it. First thing to do would be to make sure that he is safe and secure, that you will not freak out against him for expressing to you how he truly feels, no matter what he tells you. Make sure that you are there for him no matter what, and in time he will completely open up to you when he feels ready to do it. Hope that helps!

How can you tell if he has Aspergers anyway?

What is the correct concept of love?

Thanks again for the advice. It has been very helpful and I have been able to be calm and not worry when he does not react like I would expect or seem to show the correct emotion that matches what we might be talking about. I found out that he does love me very much and I love him so much.

I want to make this relationship work for the long term. I would really like to understand what the differences are in how men with aspergers perceive love and relationships and also intimacy so that I can be supportive and understanding in this relationship. How do you make it work? What do you need to feel supported and heard? What should I be conscious of when it comes to love/intimate relationships? What challenges have you had and how did you work it out?

Thank you for your time in replying.

Shara