Not sure if now ex boyfriend had aspergers?

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Hi everyone,

Ok here is the situation, I had been with this guy for about 4 months,
He has a blueish toned light in his bedroom because the yellowish light is to harsh.
He has bought 3 pairs of the same shoes because he likes them
He does things differently - bought a stool that you stand on to poop correctly as when you sit on the toilet it does not clear the bowels properly, read in a primitive book. explained it in an emotionless expression way on why he got it, has freezing cold showers only etc.
Is extremely smart and jam packs his day with academic studies (does 5 units of study/equivalent to over full time studies and research projects on the side).
We once went out to dinner and he said when I was there with him he said that he likes that I am the same person in a social environment as I am at home and he liked that. I found that weird.
Relationship effort-
he does not wear deodrant and when bought up that he has BO he does nothing to change it
have to tell him to compliment me,
Had to ask him to be more sexually into me
Had to ask him to commuicate with me more
The reason why we dated was because he stated he wanted the relationship, he has introduced me to his family, he has a 2 year old nephew that he introduces me as an Aunty makes you feel like he wants to be you to be apart of his life
The reason why we broke up is he suddenly decided he was not interested, I told him how I felt and that his actions over time make it look like he is not interested he agreed and said I am not interested. When I asked him why he did not tell me earlier how he felt he said he has been reflecting on what I said, I had mentioned the above 2 days earlier, and he realised he must not like me.
When I asked it maybe because he is busy thats why he has not bee able to show effort this is what I originally thought of the situation, he replied by saying he would happily put in the effort if he wanted to because he has done in a past relationship.
(This past relationship was the only other 1 he has had it was 3 years long and a decade ago I am his second gf, he left her to move countries to work instead of settling down).
I asked him why he mentioned he told me he wanted to be with me and also the prospect of moving in together and introducing me to the family if he did not like me? as this all happened recently
He just said it just happened and I am entitled to my opinion when I mentioned if he still wanted to be friends he said he would have to think about it as it is hard to tell because I am emotional right now and he would not like a friend like that so he will need to get back to me in a couple of days- thats tomorrow.
I had no warning, there is no other woman, he broke up with over me asking him to acknowledge me by putting effort in , my effort was as simple as just a text saying thinking of you anything to do with feelings really.

I have left this relationship baffled its like I have been treated like I have done something really horrible and all I have done is been really nice does this seem like aspergers?


From confused

He could just be a dude who say's one thing and does anouther my sister had one of those

I'm confused too.. really confused. My guess is that he decided he wasn't interested when this happened.

There is much about this that sounds like it almost doesn't matter whether he has Asperger's or not, he seems to have little interest in the relationship and even said as much. Neurotypical people can do this to each other too -- get involved and then find that they just aren't as into the person or the relationship as they'd thought they were, and would rather just move on.

Whether his disinterest is due to Aspergian traits or just due to, well, just not being interested, either way the result is the same: someone who really isn't in this with you.

It's nearly always the case that the best thing to do in those situations is try to accept that this one won't fly, and move on too.

There are plenty more opportunities out there in your life, to find someone who is enthusiastic about being with you. Relationships shouldn't be like pulling teeth. Hope things work out for you in finding a receptive and involved guy next time.

.

He probably got tired of your demands and requests (The BO one is totally justified tho and wtf with this stool?).

Regarding demands and requests I wish I had of been demanding would of made more sense for him to want to cut of completely
I was curious if this traits shared the same characteristics as someone with aspergers but after reading the posts it really does seem
it is a case of he is just not that into me, it is what it is.
Thank you all so much for your replies it has helped having a fresh eye approach,

He doesn't exactly sound like good boyfriend material, does he.

I feel bad for you - you've invested your time and emotions into someone who's not capable of responding. You can do better than this. Maybe he has aspergers (wouldn't be surprised), but that's not your problem.

I'm sure you'll meet someone much better for you, soon.

Hey, OP: Your ex sure as hell DOES have ASD. He was probably humoring you by letting you be near him.

And no, I'm not your ex because I never dated anyone, nor do I want to, but I answered your question, SO THERE.

I vote aspie, but only probably.

I broke up with a girl after she mentioned something in an emotional outburst.

"WELL YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T LIKE ME IF YOU _______ _______ ______!! !" -An EX-GF

I thought about whatever she said for a day or two, and came back. Me: "Yup, we need to break-up."

So getting back to the actual question at hand: I really doubt he's going to change his mind.

I want to say this sounds just like a previous relationship of mine, except i was less mean, but that's probably just not true, i'm blunt. At least i don't have a stool

I've had arguments with previous dates over the "you're not interested in me because you don't do ______ for me." It seems almost manipulative itself from where I see it. I have had one person do that to me once. I remember the argument that ensued and how I kept insisting that I cared and was interested... the funny thing is she decided she wanted to date someone else anyway. I forgot about it and started dating someone else as well.

However, at the same time... if there is no manipulation going on, it's just a simple observance based on body language and expressions. Bringing it up and then the response you get within minutes/hours/days is "you're right, I'm not interested." is kind of confusing. I remember saying something like that in an argument with the same person I mention in the previous paragraph. The conflict managed to be solved within the next hour.

Sometimes though, there are people that want to believe that they are right. You will never win that argument either. Once one person was convinced I was using them for sex, even though I clearly wasn't (I quit smoking for them), any arguments to prove otherwise was apparently refuted because my OkCupid profile answers indicated that only sex mattered to me. I simply walked away from the argument letting her believe what she wanted to believe. Never heard from her again, never contacted her again.

I think Aspergers is a possibility but it could be something else or a combination of things. Maybe he put in more effort with his past relationship because he had a crush like feeling that people sometimes get when they 1st enter a relationship. If he is an Aspie sometimes we can get very overwhelmed by doing all that stuff because it does not come natural to us; it's very hard work sometimes. He could of been that you & him were good friends & felt he could be himself with you without the extra effort. Asking him to put forth extra efort & implying that he wasn't interested in you because he wasn't could of overwhelmed his feelings & analyzed in a logical way without emotional feelings factored & like he said he decide based on his actors or maybe he factored in the idea of having to do extra work which he wasn't ready to do. He sounds like he could be an Aspie nonAspie who doesn't act or express like he gets very emotionally attached or close to a partner his idea relationship would be something kind of like friends with benefits thing.