Does he really miss me?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi not really sure where to start but here goes. I'm a NT woman who really likes her aspie male friend almost to the point i feel i'm just trying to fight the feelings off.I'm not even sure if i unintentionally have hurt his feelings at any point either and i hope not. We have been friends for about 3 years and in that time have shared a lot with each other. I have never known a man like him he is one in a million to me and i want him in my life.

I didn't know about his aspergers at first but after a while i guessed(as we seem so similar in many ways. I wondered if i had AS) but didn't mention it to him and to be honest it didn't matter one bit. I like everything about him i feel attracted to his personality. I don't think i would find another man like him. I met him online and we still have never met up yet and he has had girlfriends and i have had a bf but we still remain friends. We live in different countries which is hard enough.

I just don't know how to feel really. There are gaps between when we talk sometimes which is ok it makes talking again special and fun and i genuinely miss him and our deep convos we have. Its been a few months since i talked online to him so i called him. He sounded like he was very happy to speak to me again and said he was so happy i called. We talked about our lives for a while and at the end of convo i said i miss him and he said i miss you too. And really seemed like he wanted to talk again sometime. I havnt called yet but i want to its been about 2 weeks since i called.

Some points about how we are close. And im not sure if the average aspie male would do this if he wasnt at all interested or caring.

We have talked about very personal things with each other

We used to talk almost every night via msn but now its skype and i cant leave messages anymore(he said his pc is broke on the phone)

He told me out of the blue that he never spoke to a woman like he has with me before (i feel the same with him i cant even talk like this with my best friend)

He said if i need to i can come stay at his place(was going through a hard time at home. Hard to go to him on a whim as we live so far apart)

He says a lot of stuff that comes across like hes trying to impress me

He told me everything about how he feels about his aspergers(was very personal and i cant imagine him saying it to just anyone)

He hinted before about maybe we could get together in future and see how it goes but this was early on and i dont know if he feels the same now.

I really care about him and i want to stay friends with him i just dont know if i should try to talk to him on the phone more. I dont know if huge breaks from talking means he isnt interested anymore. I like him so much i just dont want to be too obsessive so im not sure if i should try to forget him.
When we arent talking for a while i am ok with this but when i start thinking of him again i miss him sooo bad. When he said he misses me i find it hard to believe and im not sure what to think anymore. Is it possible he doesnt realise i like him? Or just not into talking anymore. He said he misses me. Do you think he said it just to say it or could he mean it.

I am so confused. Im going to call him soon for a chat as he did say it like there will be a next time on the phone. Any tips? I hope i dont sound crazy i just love him as a friend i dont want to throw a chance away. I could go on forever but hope you get the idea. Thanks in advance and for reading all this.

1. Call him. Definitely do this.
2. He may not realize you like him and that may be correct. But it does sound like he feels comfortable around you and that he likes you as well.
3. The time gap of not communicating with eachother doesn't mean he won't miss you. He probably does. He may have something going on that is taking up his attention right now. He may also be a little anxious about calling you.
4. If he believes this is just friendship, that's ok too.

Have you ever told him directly that you have stronger feelings for him? Some Aspies might not be able to take the hint.

It's safe bet that he does in fact miss you. Many of us believe our troubles arise from placing more emphasis on our friendships than others.

chances are very strong that the OP needs to lay her cards down on the table so that her aspie man can see what is in her heart. IOW she needs to lay it on the line with him and tell him exactly how she feels and what she wants, no subtleties need apply, as it were.

Yeah! Goat for it.

Thanks for the replies. I have wanted to tell him how i feel but i don't want to ruin the friendship somehow and its hard enough to talk on the phone(last time i called my mind just went blank on the phone because i was nervous but luckily he talks and talks so my mind was just onto the next topic before i could really get a word in) nevermind tell him all this i have been thinking. I really dont want scare him off but i will try to tell him directly as i can :s i too wouldnt mind it staying as just friendship as it seems wonderful as it is its just i keep getting more and more feelings for him and i keep wanting him more and more. And if it wasnt what he wants i wouldnt put myself on him. I care about what he thinks so much i dont want to ruin it.

just tell him what you told us all, and trust in the universe for the right thing to happen, which may not necessarily seem apparent at first or even second glance.

I was in a somewhat similar situation. I laid it all out there. I sent him a very detailed email stating my feelings. By the end of the email he knew EXACTLY how I felt. This is when he told me about his AS.

Telling me about his AS was something extremely personal. And I can only assume because of that we have become close. I haven't heard from him in a while and I wonder if he misses me like I'm miss him.....

First make sure you are able to ask him yourself, lay it down on the table, THEN ask him yourself.

I called him after thinking about it for ages. But i caught him at the wrong time and turns out he couldnt really speak to me because of it so it ended short. it was hard to tell him anything because he totally takes over me on the phone so like i said before i cant get a word in. He said he really misses me a few times but hes been busy and got a lot to do and a new job etc. So who knows if i will ever get a chance to tell him. I asked him to let me know when i can call him when he isnt so busy and i think i will have to leave it at that because i dont want to constantly call and email him because that just seems totally stupid and i can imagine it being irritating. I decided i will just let him come to me if he wants or if he lets me know. But just being friends is fine with me. To be honest the friendship me and him had has been beter than any serious relationship i have had. If im doing anything wrong i dont know it. time will tell i hope.

I understand how hard it is to figure out if they are interested i just have to stop thinkig about it and go with it and see what happens or it will drive me crazy. The only way i can really communicate with him is by phone and thats kinda hard at the moment. Last time we talked he asked for my phone number so that he could call me and i got sidetracked by something else that the conversation went onto and i forgot to give it to him and now its going to be difficult to catch him when he isnt busy to actually try and give him the number haha! Well i think i will wait a few more weeks and try call again.

no