How is being a rude person attract so many women? (sarcasm)

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The Empress has spoken! Thank you for actually responding as an honest woman. You deserve a virtual cookie:

I'm not trying to attack you. I'm trying to educate you. You sound more like guy number 1 (genuinely nice) to be honest but that doesn't mean you don't have some Nice Guy (TM) tendencies. In fact, you sound a whole hell of a lot like me about a year ago (before I figured out how to get dates.) You need to not be so defensive. I may be blunt and sardonic (that's just my way) but I'm coming from a place of empathy and I genuinely believe I can help.

Chemistry is an element, and when it's bubbling, it's bubbling. Yet, it's so rare in the genuine form.

However, it's funny when women say they are looking for that 'spark'.

1 - they can't define it
2 - they think it comes from the man (when too often, it comes from inside themselves)
3 - they think it's a two-way street when, often, it's just one way. Because some feel it so strongly, it overrides everything else. Seriously.

If I told you that hypnotically, in a clinical environment, it's possible to create that spark, then perhaps you'll realise that the main power comes from an internal feeling we give ourselves permission to feel when certain 'criteria' are met in our partners.

Now, two-way chemistry, that's very rare, and that's awesome. No denying that. I've had that, genuinely, and it's mind-blowing. It feels like every romance story is coming true - but, when all is said and done, most of that is from a powerful chemical hit - reinforced by energy from the other person.

If a woman (generalisation) often feels that chemistry, then she will very likely bend everything to create a relationship, even if it's not a practical fit! Women are often spark junkies!

Problem is, those that supposedly 'ignite the sparks' aren't always the 'best options'. Maybe too many girls are brought up on far too much Cinderella, Disney and chick flicks.

I'm not seeing what that proves exactley....... Sounds like she dumped him because he was boring and couldn't provide the physical intimacy she needed in a relationship, not because he was "too nice."

Well, at the age of 19 all of that in my head got summed up as "too nice". It's just my own personal example, no big deal, doesn't mean every other 'too nice' scenario is the same.

But you don't deny that two-way chemistry exists and that it is awesome and that you don't really know what it is or how it works exactly. There is a lot of conjecture. I accept that the religious scientists cannot cope with anything that Pope Nature hasn't sanctified, but all the same, I know what I want.

No, not at all.

I just think that all this 'chemistry' gets lumped together into this vast pot, when there are different types of chemistry.

Ultimately (and I accept that very few people will believe what is to come) - I believe that the 'real' chemistry actually is the flow of love between two people, that actually is using the people as channels. It's an awesome feeling. It can be as pure as pure can be. The energy doesn't come from these people - it seemse to come from somewhere else. Now, I've come to believe that actually it is two people feeling God's love, using each other as conduits. However, whatever it is defined as, it definitely has some 'other' quality about it.

Then, of course, you have physical chemistry, intellectual chemistry, and so on. And all of this has different effects, and different results, of a more 'down to earth' level.

Unravelling it all is the tricky part, and this is what puts people into a spin.

You know what you want? You know the feeling? Right, so you want a feeling, and not necessarily a person to go with the feeling.

It's a hypothetical. As far as I can recall, my issue was never a matter of me being too nice.

Its feminists faults. Due to equality, not only men nowadays have the right to be idiots and go for lame partners, but women now have the right to do so as well.

So its meant as fun, but there is as well some truth in it. I think you will have as well have malefriends that presented you their partners, and you thought yourself. Ok, she is really hot, but goddamn, doesnt he get that she is beside her physical appearance, stupid, greedy, asocial, ... so simply has a bad personality? And you simply know yourself, that the reason why he actually dont get it, because of him right now being to fascinated with looking on her physical appearance?

I dont know, maybe its because of people not having enough experiences yet, and so they are still believing into that "love transform everyone into princesses and princes", so they think the personality will become better "by the power of true love".

The clear reason you want: Because of that people not having made enough experiences yet, that anyway how much you are in love, you always should listen to your brain as well, and not only to your hips. Normally after 1-2 of such relationships, you should have been burned enough, so that it should work afterwards to care avoiding such people.

When it comes to people that get again and again into such abusive relationships, according to therapists its often a problem out of childhood experiences. So if you had parents that mostly payed you attention in an negative way, while rarely ever showing positive attention, then this negative attention can become for someone the only feeling of "someone caring for me" that she/he knows. So a partner giving them negative attention, is on one side stressful to them, but on the other side weirdly gives them a feeling of "being cared for". So he/she yells around about a certain topic, so that must mean that this/my involvement about that topic is important for him/her and means something to me. While if he/she doesnt yell around, it must mean that there is nothing important about it, so if he/she never gets into yelling/arguing with me, then nothing about me seem to care for him/her and I have no meaning for him/her.

There was a question mark you missed out at the end of the last sentence.

I am human.So are you and everyone else in this thread. Autism does not make us less contradictory, I believe it makes us more so.
Yes I know what I want but I also know that what I want is completely unrealistic. It doesn't make me stop wanting it though. I think the same applies to all the boys on this forum too. Maybe everyone ever. I don't know. All I know is what I have experienced and how those experiences have made me feel and think.

So yes, I want that feeling but I also want a person to go with it. I want that person to make me feel incredible and also to look after me when I need it and let me be by myself when I need it (which is a lot of the time) and not make me feel bad or sad or mad but only glad.

Disney does have a lot to answer for. Although I would swap all of the above for the spaceship from the Flight of the Navigator.. Boys dig spaceships anyway

At least she responded as an honest woman and not some guy who thinks I need help.

That is the point. That is why the phrase Nice Guy (tm), should actually be whine arse virgin. Nice makes me think of nice, not some puffed up ladies man like on that fake magazine that geekonychus posted.

I remember watching that film in the cinema. Something very unsettling about that spaceship, could have done with some furry dice or something.

I didn't put a question mark on the statement - however, this wasn't because I was saying what you definitely wanted. I was trying to make a wider statement that applies to pretty much everyone, in my experience.

People want feelings. People do things (when they have a choice) to get feelings. I see that all feelings are internal, and when an event happens, someone is merely giving themselves permission to open up and feel what they always had inside!

Then people anchor this feeling to an external - people, places, things. Then, they add it into the 'story of their life' and it becomes part of their identity and who they are.

So, I say that pretty much everything is inside, and it's why I say to people if they sort this bit out, the outside world becomes an awful lot easier to manage. One could, if they wanted to, fall in 'love' with a block of cheese.

There is the other level of connection though, that we talked about. Most people think they want it, but actually they don't. It's like being happy - most people say they want to feel happy, but they don't.

I often do.



I am not sure I understand your point there. You make it sound it's like an off the shelf product, yeah you think you need Roundup for your lawn, but really you don't. eh?

If you didn't want help, then why the hell does this thread exist?

It's already been firmly established that being genuinly nice is different than being a Nice Guy(TM). And the myth that women won't date a guy simply because he's "too nice" has been thouroghly debunked so I'm not sure exactley what the point of this thread is anymore..........

Understanding? Understanding it is difficult. As human beings, we have everything we need right now to feel happy. We are conditioned since birth, by all sorts of agents, that we do not. So, why don't we? Now, that's an interesting one.

I would say the vast majority of people who talk of happiness do not want to be happy. Many psychologists would agree.

From where I'm sat, it's the other way round that makes it sound that one needs a product - "Oh, if I only had that ready-made partner off the shelf, I'd be happy". The two are attached together.

Perhaps this binding of internals with externals is because of feelings like hunger. When we are hungry (internal feeling), we need something external (food), and that's how we start solving every internal with an external.

You might not think that this sounds very romantic, or helpful, but I think it's very liberating and supporting. Also, when one feels happy and love inside, guess what they end up sharing with people? Rather than waiting for a boat to come, and selfishly keeping all their happiness and love to themselves.