Some Epic Experience Huh?

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So I met this young girl. She is at the age of 18. I've seen her around before. She just waved at me. But this time we talked a bit. We exchanged numbers. Next day we hung out. She brought this journal with her. This journal was about her past life and stuff that happened to her--events, memories, etc. I could tell by the first page--the girl has been through some stuff. Abuse, molestation, rape, and drama. And she's been to foster care as well.

Now mind you, I am a total stranger at this point and she decided to share her deepest, darkest secrets with me. Idk what it is about me. But people like this gravitate to me. I have grown up similar to her. But never been molested or raped or abused. I guess with me listening to her and giving her advice, she was drawn to me. I never asked her for sex. Never been rude or disrespectful. I even gave her a knockout back and foot massage--nearly put her to sleep.

I admit she is a bit on the weird side--but I am not normal either so I don't fret. Next day was different.
When I usually date women, I tell them right off the bat; don't go through my phone. That can go for both parties. I told her if you go through my phone you'll see things that you don't wanna see. So don't do it.
Her being a curious woman she did anyway.
And she saw a text that pissed her off about me saying I would snuggle some other girl. It was an inside joke but she was still pissed.
I explained to her that 2 dates don't mean you're GF/BF and 3 years don't mean get married. Girl was flipping out saying I'm flirting with girls. I'm like...wow.

But we ironed it out somehow--to make that sequence short. Next time we hang out, she does something that made me crack up.
After we left McDonalds, I saw my friend shooting hoops alone. I went to say hi to him. She did too. Within like 12 minutes she asked for his number in front of my face. I'm like....well this is different. I wasn't mad just surprised. She was enthused about it.

So all 3 of us walking. I decided to end my day with her and go back home. After a nap I choose to text her in these episodes.

Shaded: I like how you just totally erased me tho

Her: I didn't
Why say that....i will never do that :'(

Shaded: Cmon. You went off when u found out about me txtin other women. But u got my friends number right in my face.

Her: Its not like that :'(....*cryin*.....i do it all the time....just in case u dont have yo phone or somethin....i ask him where u are....i am not goin to hurt u....i told u this....i do like u......and i will never hurt u...and im sry if i did with that...i will delete it right now

Shaded: That's the same thing other girls did said I dated. It seems like u dnt care really about me u only care about how I make u feel. Which is fine.

Her: No....thats not true....u really feel like that.....fine :'(....bye....*cryin*

Shaded: Yes thats how I felt. If u wanna be friends thats cool with me. Nothing against that.

Her: Smh....no...thats not what i want....i swear u the same by accusin me :'(.....i guess everyone is the same in a way..........bye

Shaded: Im not accusing u of anything. It was disrespectful what u did. Thats what i meant.
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Next Day

Her: Im sry....i really am....i wont make the mistake again *cryin* :'(

Shaded: Im just saying dnt do stuff you wouldnt want done to you

Her: Im not....but u been textin other girls so....

Shaded: Yeah i have but its nothing serious with us. But if you felt disrespected i understood. But i told you. And, respect goes both ways.

Her: But still text them....so u been disrespectful to me too....dont go there....u a f****n grown ass man....u only care about ur feelings....not really no one elses.
Thats BS....u saw me in tears from u doin that and u still do it....whatever..bye

Shaded: Idk why u keep sayin bye for but okay. I care and listened to ur feelings the entire time. I told u straight up I have other girls in my phone. I was honest about it.
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So then she calls me. And begins to cuss me out. I wasn't mad at all. Never yelled or anything; kept the same tone. Then she does the first thing I ever experience; she hung the phone up on me! I was like....wow. But she called back though and asked for me to come over. Before she called I sent her a text:

Shaded: You have a lot to learn. First time a person ever hung up on me. That was a big mistake. If u still wanna be friends cool. But im not goin with u again ever. Hope u find the right guy for you. I never hung up on u. Like I said u only cared about how i made you feel. Clearly i am not the person for you. Sorry I wasted ur time. Clearly you got the wrong impression about me and idk who u think i am.

Her: Im sry....*cryin*...please dont leave me....please...i cant imagine being without u...u changed me and stole my heart....i cant live another day without u....i used to cut myself everyday and wanting to do more...until u came...im sry i hurt u...it wont happen again....everyone makes mistakes.... :'(

So I met up with her. She went off on me again. I told her no matter how hard you yell or how mad you get--you won't phase me. I hit her with more brutal honesty again. She was crying. Tried to comfort her. She said that I did not understand how she felt about me and how I disregard it alot. But truth be told--I did not know the effect I had on her at all. She said, no I did more than just like you. I loved you.
I told her, you don't love me. She said, how can you tell me how I feel?
I said, you barely know anything about me. But obviously, I effected her some how. Most guys in her life treated her like nothing and used her for something. I am the first guy to treat her nice and respectful. Hell when I gave her a foot massage that was the first time she had one and she felt elated about it.
I dont love her. I care for her. Obviously some folks are brought into people's lives for a reason. Its not my obligation to help her with this. But she really means good. She just grew up f****d up. I can relate and handle it.
Long story I know. But this experience takes the cake. How can you love someone in 2 weeks???

Last edited by Shaded on 22 Oct 2013, 3:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

uh...what a headache.

You two not compatible at all.

Besides, beware of the over-crying women.

That's scary, I have met some emotionally dynamic girls that would make threats of self harm if I didn't give them attention or stay with them.

It is distressing.

she sounds like bad news to me.

I don't know this just all came outta nowhere. Most people would be like, get the hell away from me. But I'm intrigued somewhat. (Is that weird?) I'm giving her the best advice possible. Even if she did piss me off I'd still let her talk to me if she needed to. I wouldn't want her to off herself but in a cold way I wouldn't care less because it is her decision overall--you can't save anyone who doesn't want to be saved. But honestly she's doing good so far. So maybe I did help. I cannot see myself going with her. She's can be a handful when she gets angry. I know this and I only known her for all of about 3 weeks. Lol
Even though she had a f****d up past I told her that she needs to use it to propel her into a positive future. I had a messed up past. Many people probably did. Its a process in overcoming it.

But I did forget to mention. Two statements from her were quite significant to me. One was she feels that she is ugly. But I make her feel beautiful. Another is that she said that all she wants is to matter. And I make her feel like she matters.

Oh and I'm not poking fun at her or anything. I admit it is quite different.

My honest-to-god advice? Turn around, and walk away from that one. And don't look back.

And I have one question for you, that I had to ask myself: Who the hell are you to know that she means good or bad? (Replace the "hell" with "f***" and you have what I asked myself.)

However it's your life so do as you will.

She sounds young (18), nieve and and socially awkward but not dangerous or anything.

Also, I'm not sure where you get the idea that you treat her nice......... I read your post and you came off as a bit of a jerk, imo.

I don't see how you could think he came across as a jerk. That girl just started cursing at him for no reason multiple times and he responded calmly and respectfully and gave her some advice that hopefully will help her.

BPD?

That's how geeko is. He takes the woman's side every time in posts like these on your site no matter who is wrong, Alex.

I will say this. I wouldn't be surprised if I were in shaded's position. The best thing to do is just delete the text messages from the other women and then you wouldn't have had this problem.

Can't help but notice that for someone who claims to only want a "quality feminine NT women", you sure do like riding d***s...........

Pot calling the kettle black much?

Last edited by Geekonychus on 22 Oct 2013, 12:21 pm, edited 4 times in total.

As for the OP, I thought he got mad when she asked for the other dude's number which would have made him very sanctimonious.

Rereading........apprently he didn't, so my bad.

My advice would be to give this girl space. She clearly has some emotional maturity issues to deal with.

Last edited by Geekonychus on 22 Oct 2013, 12:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You got a point. But she hasn't done anything to hurt me. Besides cussing me out and yelling.
Maybe I should just leave all the analyzing alone. I am moving downtown into the city at the end of this month.
I'll be miles away from her. So only how she keeps a connection is if I tell her how to get to me or I go get her.

I'd doubt it. I (supposedly) live with a BPD person in my sister's BF. He flips out one moment and be playful the next. But she doesn't display that really. When I hung out with her she never flipped or anything. Only time she flipped is when she felt she had a legitimate reason to. Other than that she's smiles and laughter. She does get sad often, but that's because of her past most likely.

Geeko, please explain.

Shaded...well, it sounds like you've tried hard to be honest and cut through the fog with this girl.

I relate to you wanting to help. The fact that you've had a difficult past and wanted to help yourself - doesn't mean that she will be the same.

This girl seems to feel intense feelings. And will explode with them. She will ride the waves of emotions - and will end up with a partner who can get with those emotions (possibly violent). It is possible for her to fall in love with you like this - because the feeling is so strong inside her. Also, it's possible that this feeling can disappear as quickly as it came!

Her reacting to your texts - an excuse for escalating drama, thus feelings. Also, it's an attempt for control - over the relationship, over you.

The two things she says - that being ugly and mattering - that's how SHE feels. You could do everything in the world to turn that around, but it doesn't matter. She feels ugly, and feels she doesn't matter - and her behaviour will always try and fill this hole.

You've got to be honest - can you help this girl? Is this the sort of relationship you want, and do you think it can improve? And do you think even being 'a friend' is going to help? From what you have written, it doesn't seem so. I see a potentially negative downward spiral.

Not everyone wants to be helped, even if they say they do, and trying to do so will only cause more damage. You feel for her - but that doesn't mean you can save her, or salvage a quality relationship. Some women just aren't capable of decent relationships, and some aren't at 18. Perhaps you are wasting time you could spend with someone else, who will actually get something out of your support.

Last edited by octobertiger on 22 Oct 2013, 12:39 pm, edited 2 times in total.