AGGGHHH

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Im so dumb socially I let every conversation die then I go home and think of the perfect thing to say when its 2 hours too late. this always happens to me and people just assume I have nothing in common with them when I do it just doesnt come to mind straight away.

If that's the case save the dialogue you come up with for next time something like it pops up.
Think of every scenario that would come up in a conversation, and perhaps think of things you would genuinely say in response to those things that is better than what you normally say. Use this knowledge as a means of rehearsal and after a while conversation will come naturally to you.

I think this is something you should ask about in the social board..unless this has to do with talking to men or women you like, jerry??

L'esprit de l'escalier - check it.

Look, everyone can do what you are doing - going home and smashing themselves silly over should of, could of, would ofs. It's hard to be in the moment - but that's all you've got.

Maybe if you took more pressure off yourself and just ran with things, some conversations would continue better?

Yes I agree and I hope so.

It's hard for me to be in the moment. Too often I'm just day dreaming.

I guess its part of the NT "multitasking" thing that they have a very low cost for context switching. My brain has a very high cost for context switching because I get deep into things. So when I'm daydreaming I can't just go to being in the moment in the 5 seconds that NTs expect.

Well, hang on. You clearly have an active imagination - utilise that. Create some sort of transistion - a corridor - between imagination and fully in the now. And the corridor is a process for doing this. When you go along it, you become in the now, which means paying attention to different things that you normally do when you're daydreaming.

Or accept - you pay a price for the luxury of daydreaming.

Disagree. That kills you being natural - and the ebb and flow of conversation makes something like this redundant. Trust yourself to remember and learn - it will come, maybe slower than most others, but come it will.

trepverter

story of my life...

re:octobertiger
Yes I agree with both of your posts, good advice. Thanks.

Good advice. I have the same problem as the OP bout daydreaming & problems with multitasking in conversations that cause me to not talk much. I practice your advice January when I feel bad about not talking much; I analyze & reply the conversation in my mind over-&-over again & come up with various things to say. However those exact conversations don't come up or go that exact way next time & I'm not good at improve & I still cant keep up with the switching

The other very common problem I have is not hearing what people say. The conversations going at lightning speed but I miss the first word of the sentence and then everything else they say from that point is just gibberish and it gets harder and harder to ask for clarification until eventually I just sit there nodding and not knowing what the f**k is happening.

It happens all the time to me, but I thought my ears were ok.... is this an autism thing?

and if you do ask them to repeat it, they repeat everything except the word you couldnt hear.

or, they do repeat the word, and I still dont get it, so I ask again, and then the third time it still just sounds like gibberish so I finally give up and pretend I got it.

thats why i find socialising so hard.

It could be a focus thing. I was taken for hearing tests when I was six - because they were interesting, and I could be bothered, I excelled. That was the last time that anybody tried to figure out what was 'up' with me.

You've got to ask yourself - what's going through your mind when the other person is speaking. (auditory) What are you focusing on - the words? Or the pictures in your head? (visual) Or are you just clinging to the last thing said, and not grasping the new thing? (kinaesthetic)

In the last paragraph, I moved between the input styles. Maybe you're trying to take in conversation in the wrong sense to you. Maybe you need to convert the sound to something else.

What did I do, in the end? For a while, I imagined everything that someone said as black typed words written on white paper - as I am a very visual person, it suited me nicely. It worked - I got less gibberish. I don't even think about it now. Try it, if you will. Run it for a day or two, try a different font, colour, whatever - see if it helps any.