Crushes and obsession

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I have found that most crushes I have had were driven by an obsession for the person. I think this relates to my aspie traits and how I become obsessive with things. Now these obsessions never had any dangerous aspect like "true" stalking or anything violent. But I think some women I had crushes on and told them and then pursued them a little bit thought of me as a stalker even though they were wrong. I let them go and moved on eventually after finally realizing they did not want me.

I tend to become fixated on a certain person. I am not sure but it is like I want them but do not know exactly why. I mean it is their appearance, their personality, the way they talk, and the way they move. I am drawn to them for some strange reason.

Also I find that once I move on I can no longer be in contact with them for a long period otherwise the obsession may start up again. I need to completely avoid them to get over them. After I get over it I can friend them and no longer have the same feelings.
I mean one of my old crushes from high school sent me a friend request on facebook and I accepted and I never even chatted with her on there since then. She is currently in a relationship. And I am happy for her and no longer have the feelings for her I once had.

When I was younger I never really considered the other person. Almost like I was the only one involved. It sounds weird but I am sure many aspies can relate to this idea of somewhat being in your own little world. I still feel like I am in my own little world at times.

I just wondered what every one elses take on crushes is? I would say that they are different than being in love. You can confuse a crush with being in love. I tended to do this before and found out that I probably was never in love with these people. I did not know them enough to be in love with them.

You and I share the exact same tactic in getting over someone.

When I used to have a facebook, I'd kick them off my friends' list and avoid them altogether to get over it. Even then the obsessive thought persisted. My last relationship was such a mess it took me a year to really let it go, and I never could fully until I wrote her a letter forgiving her for what she did.

Other than that, I just ignore. Then when I'm ready, I'll talk to them again.


As for crushes, for me the feelings come and go. Only if she shows an interest in me too do I begin to pursue her and the feeling grows.

Otherwise if I'm barely on her radar, it takes a couple of days or weeks for me to let it go and get over it.

I've been in a relationship for the past.. almost 8 months now but my girlfriend left the town for two months (she's still gone). When she was gone I developed a strong crush on my next door neighbor, but I knew I couldn't pursue her because 1) I'm in a relationship and that's wrong 2) The last thing the neighbor lady wants is a relationship and 3) I don't think she liked me in that way anyway.
So what did I do? Got over it in a couple of days.

I only had one bad obsessive crush & it was a celebrity. I think some of it was because I was really lonely & my mind was trying to find something/someone to focus on. I think my OCD also played a part because I was very obsessive within my two previous relationships but I started taking a med for OCD before I got in my 3rd/current relationship due to problems getting over my 2nd relationship, screwing the relationship up because of obsessing but it was a lot better than my 1st relationship, & I had various other OCD problems throughout my life. My OCD in general is a lot better & I'm not majorly obsessed with my current girlfriend even thou I do love her just as much if not more than my two exes & celeb crush & I'm not obsessed with them anymore.

Well I still obsess and I refuse to take the recommended medication mainly because it screwed with my sex drive and then I got the persistent problem that occurs sometimes after discontinuation of SSRI medication. Post SSRI sexual dysfunction I think its called. The doctors never tell you about this potential discontinuation syndrome. I know for a fact this is what happened because I pretty much lost all feeling for about a year and it has gradually came back thank god! I think also the anti-psychotics I was on caused this problem as well. They gave it to me to help with irritability with a very low dose. I got off those and now I only take Remeron which like Wellbutrin generally does not cause sexual dysfunction it actually improves it. I think I sort of got the improved sex drive on Remeron which is awesome.

I will never ever take SSRIs ever again in my life. I will do the CBT therapy and that is it. Hopefully someday they correct this. But I would rather deal with the OCD symptoms than lose my ability for sexual functioning.

Well I still obsess and I refuse to take the recommended medication mainly because it screwed with my sex drive and then I got the persistent problem that occurs sometimes after discontinuation of SSRI medication. Post SSRI sexual dysfunction I think its called. The doctors never tell you about this potential discontinuation syndrome. I know for a fact this is what happened because I pretty much lost all feeling for about a year and it has gradually came back thank god! I think also the anti-psychotics I was on caused this problem as well. They gave it to me to help with irritability with a very low dose. I got off those and now I only take Remeron which like Wellbutrin generally does not cause sexual dysfunction it actually improves it. I think I sort of got the improved sex drive on Remeron which is awesome.

I will never ever take SSRIs ever again in my life. I will do the CBT therapy and that is it. Hopefully someday they correct this. But I would rather deal with the OCD symptoms than lose my ability for sexual functioning.

I tried Remeron & it made me very sleepy & hungry; I would wake up for a couple hours & eat & then go back to sleep & wake a couple hours latter to eat again. I been on other antidepressants & other psych meds for 5 years & I liked the sexual side-effects because I had an OCD type addiction to porn & masturbation that the reduced drive helped but they didn't really help my OCD with anything else. I quit taking them after Remeron & felt less depressed after weaning myself off of everything than I did the entire 5 years I was on psych meds. A couple years ago when I was really concerned about OCD I did abit of research on alternative medications for it because I wanted to avoid antidepressants & antipsychotics. I decided to try the anti-seizure med Neurontin/Gabapentin‎ which is used occasionally off-label for OCD. It's helping alot more than the various psych meds did & I haven't noticed sexual or other side-effects as long as don't skip a dose but my dose isn't high. I also started taking Buspar awhile before which is specially for the physical symptoms of anxiety & it helped my anxiety without any side-effects as long as I don't skip a dose but it didn't help my OCD except by making me feel less anxious about my obsessions & compulsions but I still had them so maybe it might be the combination with Neurontin that's helping me.

Love is poorly defined. Some people call commitment to a person love. Some people call passion or obsession for a person love.

I suppose not knowing someone really well makes it hard to call the feelings love, but that, to me, seems more of test to the strength of your passion for the person. If, as you get to know them, you retain those feelings and they get stronger, then it's a much more lasting love.

A crush is the start of love as far as I'm concerned. But I differentiate a crush from lust.

Your experiences with crushes seems normal.

About love I actually read somewhere that men fall in love with woman after they have sex. And woman fall in love over time and usually before they have sex. I am not sure if this is really true. It does not sound like this is factual in any way since this is almost like a blanket statement. Anything that states all woman are like this and all men are like this is usually hogwash. I mean it is like the old book Men are from Mars women are from venus. I think that book is BS.

Also I seem to have a major problem with traditional gender roles. I mean I see no problem with a woman working and the man not working. I know this is completely unpopular and some people would say it is wrong. I don't think it is.

I mean I am the type of guy who would have no problem doing the dishes or washing clothes. This is not a job specifically for women. Everyone should contribute honestly. Like maybe trade off or whatever. The guy does it one night and the woman the next night. I know some people would think you are just saying that. But I honestly am being genuine. Unfortunately some women seem to think kind men have ulterior motives. An this to me is extremely annoying. I cannot believe some women actually get mad if you try to open the door for them. hogwash. It is a courtesy and nothing more. It is not implying that a woman cannot take care of themselves. It is done out of respect for a lady. Man, the world is truly up side down in this day and age.

The last thing is I really get turned off when a woman says that I need to be more masculine. I mean some people think crying during emotional scenes in movies is not masculine. Who says so? Men should not be uncomfortable with their sensitive side. I mean I get all teared when I see some scenes in movies. Does that make me less of a man. Real men cry. I mean yes in my mind it always tells me I shouldn't do it because unfortunately it seems I was raised by a father who never cries at least very rarely. But I honestly do not think I should hold back. Nothing wrong with getting emotional.

^^ I agree, and I do believe this will become more of a societal norm in the future. Boys are raised many times to adhere to a cultural standard of stoicism and/ or aggressiveness. Some grow up not questioning those "values" upon which they were raised, and repeat the drum beat that emotional displays are unmanly. That said, there has to be some self governance in place to not infringe too much discomfort on others.
As for door opening and other courtesies, that can be just politeness. There are occasions when it becomes suffocating and annoying, but this is usually when it's done out of rigidity.

Your experiences with crushes sounds eerily like mine; it truly was as though I was the only one involved, I didn't think about the boy/man at all. What I'd do at the beginning is find out all I could about the guy--not really in a stakerish way, but I'd listen to the things he said, the things he was interested in, etc. I never really interacted with him, though. Usually, absence makes the feeling go away naturally over time. I think for me I do this because I like the idea of being in a relationship--I just have a hard time with the practical details of being in one.

And the other thing I would do, when I was obsessed, is that I would read into every single thing he said or did to see if he liked me in return--even if it was something small like door holding or saying hi to me. Stuff everyone does a thousand times a day, but every time the guy did it, it had added significance.

I have a crushing problem. There should be Crushers Anonymous for people like me.

I'm not even sure what is causing it, like I will crush on someone when I see them a lot but if I make myself avoid them then I stop thinking about them and stop crushing. But if they turn up in my life again, I can feel myself being pulled down into the crushing zone again. It's very annoying actually. It's probably a side effect of autism high focus. idk. I remember crushing on this boy for years when I was a kid..really stalkerish obsession. Then when I was older and he asked me out and I was all like...wtf dude, no. I mean...self - wtf?

You should only date artsy women. Crying because something is beautiful or moving is healthy. It can even be euphoric. It's not the same as crying out of self-pity so it's irrational to associate it with "weakness". The idea that men are supposed to be unfeeling robots is beyond stupid. Is it even worth living a dull sterile existence devoid of emotion?

Depressed or very sensitive girls may also appreciate a guy who's more sensitive if you can deal with that within a relationship.

I understand this. I look back on crushes I've had in the past and I now think that they were obsessions. It was the same high I get when I am really obsessed about learning about a certain subject.

I have a crush at the moment and I feel like I have to step back and look at the situation rationaly to stop myself from getting obsessive. I can never work out if the person actually likes me back or if it's all in my head. I often feel like when I have a crush it is all about me and how I feel and enjoying that high and not so much the beginning of a real relationship because I have such problems making a connection with people that sometimes the man is completely unaware of it. The immense high feeling is overwhelming. I did once mistake that for love. It is confusing. I'm not sure I can process emotions in a way that will allow me to develop a real relationship with someone.

I've got to the point where I think, "oh no, not this again."

Celebrity crushes are a pain in the neck because you can always feed it with You Tube videos. You get to enjoy listening to this person as often as you want and that is a difficult obsession to get over.

I must start to get into architecture or something again to distract myself.

I've experienced both crushes and obsessions and have tried to differentiate between the two.

A crush is quite an abstract thing, akin to a fascination, but can take the form of trying to pre-adapt yourself as a potential partner for the object of your crush (adopting similar tastes in music, reading books you know they enjoy, that sort of thing) without ever perhaps even talking to the person you're crushing on, or even daring to think about a potential relationship with them.

Obsession is a shade beyond that and involves an active and persistent fantasy focus on an idealised relationship with the object of the obsession, including (but not limited to) the belief that you are the only real person with whom they could be expected to have a truly fulfilling relationship, that you are the only person who truly understands them, that you could in some way relieve them from the constraints of their current life if only they could recognise the depths of your devotion, etc.

This fantasy-fixation may take the form of attempting to find out details of the object's private and/or inner life, making plans to encounter them, hanging around in situations that the obsessive believes might grant a chance for opportunistic encounter, researching the object's personal details (place of work, address, telephone number, etc).

This behaviour is often greatly facilitated, in the case of celebrity fixations, by the prevalence of celebrity culture, in which spectators are actively invited to participate vicariously in the lives of the rich and famous.

Both varieties of experience (crushes and obsessions) can be very fulfilling and enjoyable, but it is mainly in the latter case that there is potential for the obsessive to attempt to put his or her fantasies into action, and that is when obsession becomes stalking or worse.