Is something wrong with me?

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First of all, I apologize in advance if I sound desperate but I need to get this off my chest (as this has been on my mind for a couple of days now)

Every time I'm interested in a girl, the same thing happens ever single time!

Steps of what happens
1. I notice the girl
2. It takes me quite some time to just walk up to them to introduce myself
3. After finally making the introduction, I become friends with them
4. About a few months later (and after getting to know them a bit), I ask them out, I always get the same answer (No)
5. I start feeling awful and consider giving up on dating all together
6. Repeat (only with someone else of course)

I don't know what to do anymore, it's driving me insane

BTW, I don't look desperate when I'm actually talking to them or out in public, just after the rejection and when I'm at home
alone.

Thanks in advance for any advice given

Last edited by SFProductions468 on 01 Nov 2013, 6:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Change what you do at 3.

How is not being friends with them going to help? This is something I could never understand.

Did I say that?

Change what you do at 3. Think about what you do at 3, and how you do it.

Sorry for the misunderstanding, mostly what I do is simply talking with them.

october's got a point. Change what you do at 3.
There are a lot of threads about guys that befriend women under false pretenses and where that gets them.
I'm aware love and feelings can grow over time, but if you like them by the point you're at Stage 3 ask them out or make it obvious somehow.

That's the thing, I don't know what I can do to change 3.

JanuaryMan just told you.

Here is how your cycle could change if you altered step 3:

1. You notice the girl.
2. It takes you quite some time to just walk up to her to introduce yourself.
3. After finally making the introduction, you say: "Would you like to go out some time?"
4. About a few months of dating (and after getting to know her a bit), you say "I love you." She says "I love you" back.
5. You start feeling really happy.
6. You propose, she says "yes," and you get married and live happily ever after.

Skip straight to 4. Not that complicated. You've done this several time already so it's clear (to us) but not at all to the girls. I'd be taken aback too if the "friend" I was hanging out with for months suddenly revealed that they were interested in more than that.

Yes, attraction can develop over time but it's very rare. Most of the time, if there isn't some kind of immediate mutual attraction there won't be one later. Trying to force it always has the opposite effect.

Handy flowchart:
http://pinkocrat.files.wordpress.com/20 ... =700&h=431

I guess women want ever thing instant.
does slow relationship build up even happen
any more?

so,once you because friend with a girl,
your DQ from ever becoming her bf.

so,I guess women want men to ask them
out right a way,if you wait too long,they
will DQ you from being a BF.

Thanks for the tips, Now I just got to go find someone (again), only problem is that I almost NEVER see anyone, (I started college about 2 months ago and still haven't seen anyone who I'm interested in, not even through the 2 clubs I'm in).

Have you tried online dating? I got a relationship through OKCupid and made a well received advice thread out of the experience:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt242793.html

I recognised your problem the minute I read your post OP -- what you are describing is the process of relegating yourself to The Friend Zone.

You're doing OK by initiating the interaction and following it up, but then you're investing in a friendship instead of a romantic relationship -- partly, I would guess, out of fear of being rejected if you try to escalate the situation and partly out of a (perfectly understandable) belief that she will become attracted to you more as she gets to know you better.

For the first fear, I would suggest that it is better to risk romantic rejection and then perhaps salvage a platonic friendship from it, if you would really prefer a proper relationship with the woman in question.

For the second fear, this just isn't the way it works in relationships. The getting-to-know-you stage comes after, not before, the mutual declaration of interest.

Google 'escaping the friend zone' if you doubt that this is a common problem.

Here's a brief how-to guide which -- while perhaps not 100 per cent accurate as to describing each and every instance of 'friend zoning' -- certainly provides a generalised overview of the phenomenon:

http://www.wikihow.com/Escape-the-Friend-Zone

I don't pretend to be an expert on relationships (ha! Far from it) and I would also add that attempting to summarize into 'flowchart' style the complex chemistry that can occur between men and woman is over-simplistic, but as a heuristic guide to the specific 'mistake' you're making, then the 'Friend Zone' error is one you want to try to avoid.

Still, if the worst happens, at least you have a new female friend. And who knows, she may have friends who might be interested in you ...

that's a really quite handy website, I like this:

Realize that you're "tying up" your feelings by staying friends with someone who isn't romantically interested in you. In the instance where you've already followed the previous steps and you've left your pushover habits behind, you've stepped up to role that he or she is looking for in a relationship, and you've crossed the touch barrier, but this person still wants to be "just friends", you'll need to make some hard decisions. Maybe they're simply not attracted to you, for reasons you'll never know. But you still have feelings for them. Is it wise to continue spending time with them?

Consider that it'll be difficult to develop feelings for someone else if your feelings for this person are fueled every time you hang out. You'll struggle with feelings of jealousy and frustration when that person dates. Consider that even if you do manage to develop feelings for someone else, your heart might always be torn and confused, and it'll be hard to give your new flame your undivided affection.
Sometimes, the best thing to do is to take the friendship down to the level of acquaintance. The person might feel offended, perhaps it will seem as if you don't value them as just a friend, but remember (and explain to them if necessary) that you can't control how you feel, just like they can't control how they feel, and you need to make room in your life and heart for someone who feels about you the way you feel about them.

I've definitely had to do this myself some times. It takes ages though to realise what you are doing and that either you are friend zoned or that you've friend zoned someone - specially if nobody is willing to have an open conversation. I'm realising now that sometimes it's really not possible to stay friends with people if there is a lot of physical attraction because that always re-activates sooner or later if you start spending time with them again.