Not sure if i am ready for a relationship

Post Reply New Topic

Hello,

I am 20 years old and male, had a total of two girlfriends. Last time i was with someone was 7 years ago. The last few years i have been wanting to be with someone but i am not sure what to expect. I am also scared of what it will mean to my life and schedule. I haven't made a new friend in about 5 years, so i don't even know how to be with another human being. I think that if i really want to i could find a girl though.

Then there's the matter of my Gender Identity. I feel neither man or woman. I know that this reduces my chance of a relationship, but at the same time it will bless me because if someone is going to love me even though i am not their typical testosterone filled man, i know i found a girl with the perfect attitude. People tell me i am handsome even though i don't really see it myself. If i think of myself in a few years i like to see myself look completely like a girl. I don't know of many straight woman that would date me then.

I am not sure if i could handle someone who is "normal". Example being that she wants to go to a cinema, restaurant or nightclub. I don't have any love for these things and i would hate going there. But i might, for her. Also not looking forward to being disturbed in activities. I don't know what it feels like to love someone, maybe it will be easier. I am a emotional mess, but a nice and caring person.

I don't have many options, but i am determined. I was thinking of dating sites, or simply start learning how to flirt and just do it. I want to try dating sites, but i know that once i start i can't go back. It scares me. Basically finding love feels to me like i am standing next to a locked box. I could unlock the box and see and feel such marvelous things (with many negative sides as well), or i could forget about the box for now(what i probably will do, as i have done for 7 years now) I need to change my life, find happiness for myself but i am hesitant taking this huge step. But it will change my life forever though.

Just not sure if i could handle this, what do you think i should do?

You sound exactly like me o_O
What are your interests/hobbies? Start there.
If I've learned anything, it's that my relationships where I had common interests/hobbies with the girl, things were much better and fun.

Maybe start with a goal of just making a friend or two just for the sake of the social processes, and in time work up to seeking someone that's relationship material?

Gender ID: As you said, you'll know when you find a girl with the perfect attitude. They're out there. Just be patient. It might be the next girl you meet, or one later in life, but eventually it'll happen - especially if you make an effort to make it happen. I'm sure there are dating sites out there w/ people just like that seeking guys just like you. With 7+ Billion people on the planet, there are bound to be some who's tastes and interests are exactly who you are.

If "normal," dating won't work, maybe find someone who isn't "normal." Someone who doesn't care for those types of typical places and dates. They exist, too. They might be another Aspie, or not, but they exist. You're not the only person who doesn't really care for those types of places or activities.

Is it the right time in your life to get serious about a relationship? Other things going well? I know that for myself, even at 30, now is not the right time for me to seek a significant other because I have other areas of myself and my life that deserve my time and energy to get them on track for the better before I dedicate any resources to a relationship of any kind. Health, fitness, finances etc all come first for me - so until I have those things in order, I'm keeping the idea of a relationship just kinda shelved for later when I'm ready. Not to say I'm celibate, just that I can't be bothered to pursue a relationship at all until I can do it while maintaining a balanced life. All in due time.

And what you should do is whatever you think & feel is right for you.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

Thanks for the responses i appreciate it.

PerfectlyDarkTails - I'm not 100% sure what you meant with the end of the first sentence, sorry. Facebook and other social media sites is a very good idea. I am not one for passing out information to the whole world though, perhaps if i can overcome the paranoia i might consider it. The thing with these dating sites is, there are a lot of small secrets to succeed.

I heard that if you look into the camera for a photo you seem more desperate than if you were to look away. And you know trying to make it seem like you don't care about being rejected. Lots of small details. Unfortunately i don't know of any gay clubs around. I would love to have gay people as friends because the whole culture around it is interesting and similar to my own.

Uwmonkdm - Funny coincidence I have several hobbies/interests, only about one though that requires me to socialize. Of course it sounds better to have similar interests but wasn't there something like "polar opposites attract" ? It is like when a girl and boy both have a very different list of qualities, when they procreate their babies will have both lists of qualities or something like that.

Goldfish21 - That's the thing i am scared of. I don't feel like i can get anything out of friendships. I noticed with other people that i don't really consider my friend (neither do they) that even though we try to befriend eachother, i always want to get out of there as fast as possible.

When i think of friendships i am subconsciously reminded of the past, how uncomfortable/anxious i always felt around people and how much time i wasted. That's also a reason i am reluctant to try dating. I don't even know how to be with another human being, on any level for that matter.

To me "normal" went out of the door years ago. I can tolerate A LOT of craziness but of course there is a limit.

I personally have noticed that it doesn't really who you are or how depressive or sunny your thoughts are. I have two brothers, one is very overweight and the other a chronic loner like myself.

They both have a list of flaws/problems probably as big as i do (perhaps even more) and still they both have a permanent relationship with very nice and attractive girls. Just seeing this motivates me a lot. If they can do it with ease, imagine what i would accomplish if i tried hard.