Why must love be so hard?

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Gender bias is the WORST thing that has come to our society. I hate being stereotyped, simply because I'm a guy, as "one who must do the asking" when it comes to relationships. Sure, I should have to do it sometimes, but not always. Gender bias is what's keeping girls away from me. I'm not a typical guy; I'm very gentle, caring, and understanding, but it isn't enough when it comes to a relationship, seemingly. (And I'm not gay, either.) People seem to misunderstand me all the time, and I just need to know where to start. In order to find a girlfriend, I should probably just date someone else with AS (because I have it myself), right? Or are there other suggestions you have?

Online dating worked for me. I made a thread about how:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt242793.html

If you're always going to be awkward and/or wierd you should be working on making yourself appealing to the kind of girls that don't see that as bad thing (maybe even prefer it.) That starts with accepting yourself for who you are. In other words take your strangenesss and own it. Women are attracted to self-assuredness more than anything else. You have to like yourself. Why would a girl want to spend time with someone (let alone date) who doesn't even like themselves?

Also, moaning about how much harder you have it because you're a guy (regardless of whether it's true or not) won't help you in the slightest. A mopey persecution complex is a certified p**** repellent.

I'm trying to give up on love, myself. Love in this life, that is..... I feel as if I should've been born on another planet. I don't feel human, at all.... so, as such, I suppose... I should leave the human life....

I don't know what to say, I'm afraid..... except that I am unsure if humans even are capable of it.... of *true* love, that is. "Love" is easy to experience.... true love is almost impossible to find..... only true love matters, though.... -_-

Love isn't difficult, but conventional love is.

Because if it wasn't hard then where would be the fun?

maybe you come across as too feminine

my advice is it's okay to be nice and caring but don't be too much of a pansy. On the other hand, don't be a jerk either. Be a jerpansy, that means being in the middle. Being too much of one or the other is unattractive.


Being a pansy means you're timid, unconfident, feminine-like, have the woman baby you around etc... you don't want that. Be a real man! You should be confident, and be chivalrous.

Jerpansy hahaha

What used to work for me was to hang around where the drunk girls are.

I admit, I do sometimes come across as too feminine. But, at the very heart of the matter, shouldn't a girl logically like someone who is similar to herself? The answer is that I can't expect this to happen. The #1 thing I've lost over the many years of trying to find a girlfriend is confidence, because I was too blunt with the girls I asked (which were all NTs), and they were shocked about how fast things would progress with me. And so, I never had a lasting relationship, they all wanted simply to be "just friends". I desperately need to regain my confidence, or I have no hope at all. The problem is, I tend to view a relationship as a concrete destination rather than a process, a journey, a time for learning. I still try to, but I now know not to expect this.

Anyway, I need to know when and how to ask girls on dates. How will I know if someone is my type (i.e., they are also on the autism spectrum)? Where can I find a girl to ask out? What should I say? How should I act? How far into the conversation should I ask for her number? What happens after that? I know these questions are too generic, but knowing something is better than nothing.

Logic - perhaps you are too caught up in logic. Who said it had to be logical. And - who is this generic 'girl' you talk about. This is lazy thinking. This binary 'man' and 'woman' approach is very limiting.



That's a priceless insight into your behaviour. Smacks of the dating approach many Myers-Briggs 'rationals' adopt. And people won't want to feel like they are just part of a process. If you never have gone down that process, you are limiting your learning.

You've asked a string of questions that are always discussed on these threads. And they are far too generic for them to be answered without you supplying context. And each would make a separate thread. Are you looking for a magic bullet approach? There isn't one, most of it is about having a 'feel' for a situation. Logic will never give you that.

Here's a question - do you actually care about anyone else but yourself? Do you have a natural curiosity of people, rather than a desire for them to be a vehicle towards some shiny 'relationship' that actually is not a destination at all (because you're always travelling). I'd answer that question yourself, in your own mind, before going on to the others, otherwise you're still way behind the start line.

Oh yeah, and I'd appreciate an answer on that other thread you started, if at all possible.

You think that means women have it easier? In a way they have it harder. If they see a guy they like they can't just ask him out. They have to attract his attention. That's why women put so much more effort into their appearance then guys. They were more elaborate clothes, they were high heels, they have more elaborate hair styles, they were makeup, some of them even develop eating disorders, just to get a guys attention. Think how frustrating it must be for a girl to to make efforts at getting a guys attention and be ignored and not know if it's because the guy doesn't like her or if it's because he's just ignorant. At least a guy gets a yes/no answer.



Seems to be working for me. My current pursuit says geeks are sexy :



That's a terrible thing to say! Even in my darkest moments, I never thought love was impossible for me, just astronomically improbable. Lately the future looks brighter for me.



How would you know? You've never tried it. You're trying to prove a negative concept. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.



Exactly! You can't love without falling in love. If you found a genie and wished for a girlfriend it would be hollow. You'd spend your life with her and never find out what love is.



A most interesting concept! Clearly your tiger powers are stronger when it's October.

Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 23 Oct 2013, 12:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Beer goggles etc.

I've eight days of power left...

I love that; someone needs to use that on "anti-theists" every once in a while.

In a way, it's harder for a woman getting a quality partner. Easier (generally) just getting any partner at all. The rest of it - not true, generally. Women do these things for themselves/society's expectations. There's a few threads on that, where we all have a lot of fun, and come to some sort of consensus. Check it.





Yeah, because you've started listening to me. Admit it, I am your furry godcatfather





You're manics, the pair of yous

A relationship can never really be a concrete destination, because it's never completely static. Think of it like a dance--constantly moving, but partnering in the same direction in a good relationship. You have to find your direction before asking someone if they might fall in step.