flakey men

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One of the recurring problems I keep having is with guys seeming very interested in me then flaking out. A guy will contact me on one of these dating sites, or I'll contact him. We'll exchange numbers and chat several times for hours. I'll think things are going great then suddenly he'll just stop texting/ calling.

Or he'll want to meet me but something always goes wrong. I had one guy plan 3 dates and cancel every time before ending it because he "didn't want to lead me on if we'd never actually get to hangout." (Every time he canceled it was because of his Mommy so I guess I dodged a bullet there.).

But what is going on? If these guys are interested enough to talk to me for hours why cant I get an actual date?

What are you revealing after setting the date?

maybe your texting him too much

I'm not revealing anything after the dates are set, the men just flake out on me. And they initiate some of the conversations. I have a rule that if a week or two goes by and I am the only one initiating conversations I stop and give him the chance to contact me first. If he wants to talk to me he will. The guy who canceled on me 3 times always called me, I never knew when he'd be working and my schedule is set.

What's going on? There is no way of knowing unless you ask them why.

But, maybe, it's not a good idea to talk to them on the phone before you meet them. Now they know what you look like and sound like. Most of the anticipation would be gone for him.
And try to set up a meeting fairly early before long period of chatting and texting.

Part of it could be distance. most of these guys are in Atlanta and Kennesaw, 50-60 mile away. There don't seem to be any compatible men any closer to me, not any willing to talk to me anyway.

That's probably the main reason they flake out on you

Question - I can't remember which WP'er it was but..was it you that said you wanted kids?
Another question - do you talk about this on your dates?

If the answer is yes to at least the 2nd question unfortunately it might scare off some suitors, even if they would consider having children with you.

I'm mad, not stupid, I don't mention kids unless they bring it up. The dating sites ask then list your answer anyway and that is one of the first things I look at on a mans profile. If the answer is no I don't waste time on him.

Ah ok thanks. I was more on about on your actual dates rather than the profile, as even though I myself want kids..if someone was to mention it to me very early on I'd see it as a red flag. Anyways, this is not the case by the sounds of it. I wish I could help you pinpoint what it is that's setting their flakers to stun. All I can gather is it has to do with either a recurring opinion or fact that is routinely brought up in actual discussion (not profiles).

I would suggest that you are probably doing a bit too much in the beginning - you're leaning in forward instead of leaning back, especially in terms of contacting them and actions. At the beginning of dating this can be a not so good thing - usually because it will come across to men as too forward and can be a subconscious turn off for them, or the more likely one which is that when you do this you end up attracting guys who aren't willing to do their fair share.

Personally I think you're running into the latter issue. It seems like they aren't as invested in this as you are and that when they sense you are willing to do 50% or more, they think it makes it easy and convenient for them until they actually have to go on the date at which point they realise that they have to put in an effort, show up and risk rejection.

One of the reasons women lean back a bit in the beginning is that it screens out the guys who are too risk averse, are only interested in something convenient, or are not invested or interested in making an effort. It means that such men as you have mentioned never make it to the date stage, and therefore are not there to flake on you.

Last edited by Kjas on 08 Nov 2013, 7:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's also possible, a recurring problem with online dating, that they're finding a somewhat shinier watch in the interim.

How much time is spent texting and on phone calls rather than meeting for a face to face interaction?
Does anyone in here text the other at inconvenient time periods and should have enough common sense to know about it (ie. at work, at hours that one should be asleep, etc.)

The point I am trying to make is that the downfall of online dating is that a lot of information is exchanged before meeting face to face. I would much prefer to meet people face to face. A relationship almost feels backwards if it starts online. There is little room for progression.

As in dandruff? They need some selenium sulfide.

Are these men extremely hot, OP?

of them are.