I am nervous why?

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zacb
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13 Nov 2013, 3:55 pm

I have been on several first dates, which never led to anything. In addition, I was never overly excited about it. But I have a first date tomorrow, and I feel over excited/anxious. Sure, the girl seems interesting (and at first I was a little hesitant, but then I founf she liked jazz), and messaged me even after I hadn't replied for month (since I was off OKcupid), but I don't know why I am nervous. I am not overly concerned with her looks (although she is cute, and I like a little beauty) , so being overly about that was not the issue. I feel nervous out of nowhere, and this has never happened before. Is it the commonality and how sweet she seems? I am really puzzled. Even though I never showed much interest, I am now nervous. Whats up?

aspiemike
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13 Nov 2013, 4:00 pm

You're nervous because you're thinking way too much about an upcoming date. Adding to it is the first dates in the past that didn't lead to anything further. You might be thinking, like I and others here have, "what do I have to do to impress a lady?"

Instead of that, you just keep being yourself and grow as you need to. You will realize when you have made a mistake and how to move forward without making that mistake again. You will also realize when the other person just isn't accepting you as you are. I would go from there.

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zacb
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13 Nov 2013, 4:08 pm

aspiemike wrote:

I get that, but I have NEVER had this feeling before, even though I have been on multiple first dates. I seriously don't get it. It is not a repetitive behavior.

1401b
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13 Nov 2013, 5:34 pm

What are the three worst things that could realistically happen?
It might be one of those. For example:

-You flub it and she callously makes you feel bad about that.
-She rejects you and that almost always hurts.
-You might hit it off and have a great relationship for a while, before you flub it up and ruin everything and it's all your fault.

Or something else.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Nov 2013, 5:47 pm

1401b wrote:

I am feeling nervous for him after reading that post.

1401b
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13 Nov 2013, 6:08 pm

^^ LOL

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yellowtamarin
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13 Nov 2013, 6:25 pm

I dunno. Maybe your biochemicals are changing and you are becoming more of a nervous dater. People can change over time. Maybe she just has a certain "something" that you are not consciously aware of, that sets her apart from others in a positive way.

zacb
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13 Nov 2013, 6:39 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

1401b wrote:

I am feeling nervous for him after reading that post.

Because it is always the guy's fault XD . Actually I am used to not getting a second date. But this seems a tad different.

aspiemike
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13 Nov 2013, 7:35 pm

zacb wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

1401b wrote:

I am feeling nervous for him after reading that post.

Because it is always the guy's fault XD . Actually I am used to not getting a second date. But this seems a tad different.

Something tells me that you are nervous about the possibility of a second date now. Who cares? Just enjoy the first date before that happens.

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Bodyles
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13 Nov 2013, 7:46 pm

It's just a thought, but maybe you actually want this date to work out whereas the other ones you weren't really all that interested in it working out.

zacb
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13 Nov 2013, 7:49 pm

Bodyles wrote:

It's just a thought, but maybe you actually want this date to work out whereas the other ones you weren't really all that interested in it working out.

Maybe. Not that I didn't , it is just I didn't think they would probably work. Now I feel kinda fuzzy about this. Maybe I am actually nervous about the prospect of the second date and such. Who knows.

Bodyles
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13 Nov 2013, 8:14 pm

zacb wrote:

Bodyles wrote:

It's just a thought, but maybe you actually want this date to work out whereas the other ones you weren't really all that interested in it working out.

Sounds about right.

You like this one, and you think there might actually be a possibility of a real relationship with her.
That's enough to make anyone nervous NT, aspie, or otherwise, male or female.

My best advice: don't worry about it too much, and try not to think about it too much.
Distract yourself with one or more of your special interests if need be.
They're useful that way.

zacb
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13 Nov 2013, 8:19 pm

Bodyles wrote:

zacb wrote:

Bodyles wrote:

It's just a thought, but maybe you actually want this date to work out whereas the other ones you weren't really all that interested in it working out.

That is what I have been doing. Maybe her nervousness is spreading to me haha . (she said she tends to get nervous lol. Cute.

)

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