Give up dating and just be a good friend to people?

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Brianruns10
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16 Nov 2013, 8:44 am

I won't say I got friend-zoned, because I think that gets used too much. A woman I really, really liked, with whom I felt I made a strong connection after a couple of dates, just told me that she's entered a relationship with a friend of hers, but still wants to be friends.

And it got me to thinking, why give up a good thing? I'm beginning to realize now after so much trying, that maybe some of us simply aren't meant to be loved? But maybe instead we can be great friends to people.

Because what always winds up happening is I open up to people about my feelings, and they don't feel the same way, they don't feel love. But they want to be friends, and I don't have many friends.

So is a different approach necessary? Is it better to just give up on love, and focus instead on being a great person, a great friend?



Stargazer43
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16 Nov 2013, 10:09 am

Brianruns10 wrote:
Because what always winds up happening is I open up to people about my feelings, and they don't feel the same way, they don't feel love. But they want to be friends, and I don't have many friends.

So is a different approach necessary? Is it better to just give up on love, and focus instead on being a great person, a great friend?


Please tell me that you haven't been telling all these women that you're in love with them. If you have, that would explain quite a lot.

Everyone could use more friends, so the more the merrier! No reason to give up looking for a relationship though, you can be a good friend, a great person, and still go on dates at the same time...they aren't mutually exclusive.



Brianruns10
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16 Nov 2013, 10:14 am

Oh no I never have said I love them, but every time I say I like you, or we make it to a couple of dates, they say they just want to be friends, or once my feelings are known they avoid me altogether.

I'd rather have friends than on one at all, so why take the risk? If I can't be loved, I want to at least be liked, which is why I think I'm going to give up and just try to be a good person to people.



Yuzu
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16 Nov 2013, 11:39 am

I think it's a good idea.



Cafeaulait
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16 Nov 2013, 12:53 pm

I think it's always best to try and be the best version of yourself, and enjoy life. You are to only one who you'll stay together with your whole life.
Develop yourself, do the things you like, and who knows who you'll meet along the way?



micfranklin
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16 Nov 2013, 4:57 pm

I was like that once my relationship with someone ended, but that was a while ago, like a sophomore in college. I told myself after that failure I'll just be a good person and in case I do get feelings for someone, I'll keep a healthy distance so if it doesn't work out it'll only be a minor disappointment.



smudge
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16 Nov 2013, 5:04 pm

I think it's a good idea.


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Marcia
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16 Nov 2013, 7:39 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
I think it's always best to try and be the best version of yourself, and enjoy life. You are to only one who you'll stay together with your whole life.
Develop yourself, do the things you like, and who knows who you'll meet along the way?


Well said.

To the OP, yes, I think it is a very good idea.



Acedia
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16 Nov 2013, 11:29 pm

I don't think it's a good idea at all. You shouldn't give up.



BlackImage
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17 Nov 2013, 1:22 am

don't give up!! ! just take a brake from looking. make friends first.
You may find someone when you are not looking :)



micfranklin
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17 Nov 2013, 11:56 am

Marcia wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
I think it's always best to try and be the best version of yourself, and enjoy life. You are to only one who you'll stay together with your whole life.
Develop yourself, do the things you like, and who knows who you'll meet along the way?


Well said.

To the OP, yes, I think it is a very good idea.


That is indeed, actually sound advice.



Geekonychus
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18 Nov 2013, 10:31 am

micfranklin wrote:
Marcia wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
I think it's always best to try and be the best version of yourself, and enjoy life. You are to only one who you'll stay together with your whole life.
Develop yourself, do the things you like, and who knows who you'll meet along the way?


Well said.

To the OP, yes, I think it is a very good idea.


That is indeed, actually sound advice.

Thirded......



equestriatola
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18 Nov 2013, 10:32 am

Geekonychus wrote:
micfranklin wrote:
Marcia wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
I think it's always best to try and be the best version of yourself, and enjoy life. You are to only one who you'll stay together with your whole life.
Develop yourself, do the things you like, and who knows who you'll meet along the way?


Well said.

To the OP, yes, I think it is a very good idea.


That is indeed, actually sound advice.

Thirded......


Fourthed.


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18 Nov 2013, 10:34 am

Don't be worried about being a "good" person its all subjective really. Be yourself whether one person thinks you are an ass and another thinks you are awesome.


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Shau
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18 Nov 2013, 11:17 am

Funnily enough, I found my GF when I wasn't looking for s**t.

Maybe you should stop looking so that you'll find someone. An objective'd mind often broadcasts itself.



Acedia
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19 Nov 2013, 12:22 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
I think it's always best to try and be the best version of yourself, and enjoy life. You are to only one who you'll stay together with your whole life.
Develop yourself, do the things you like, and who knows who you'll meet along the way?


This is a good idea, but giving up dating I don't think so.