Does The Term "Love" Exist anymore?

Page 1 of 1 [ 16 posts ] 

Kaufmancab51
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2008
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 180
Location: Rochester, New York

21 Nov 2013, 8:55 pm

I thought that after college, life would be decent to me, try up dating a third time, get me a job to get to something better, then the ball drops and things don't work out with the woman i'm seeing. Ever since September it feels like i've been going into a depression & anxiety relapse because i'm single.

I see all of my friends moving on, having kids, some getting married, while I stand in a small room where it's only myself inside of it. I had passion to run a part-time business and excel in my work but this emptiness inside has driven my passions six feet under.

I cannot accept the idea of remaining alone and sit around and do nothing, but the more I do I am hurting myself mentally to the point where I am on the verge of breakdown.

I spoke with my mother (NT) about how I'm not happy with the way I've been feeling and she made a pretty valid point (at least taking in consideration where I live, not sure how things are elsewhere), that a lot of women are raised different today and expect different things (moreso materialistic than personality) nowadays. She said that this would not have been an issue back when she was growing up in the 80s.

So I'm stuck in a place that I can't get out of within myself, a fight that I need support from others, even though i've barricaded myself in.


_________________
"Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up."


auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,740
Location: the island of defective toy santas

21 Nov 2013, 11:15 pm

i'm sorry you are feeling down, but if you don't concentrate more on your own business [and less on women] your life will pass you by. I guess what i'm trying to say, is that women are a lot like happiness, in that unless you are one of the lucky ones in life where everything falls into one's lap like the most natural thing in the world, one cannot chase after happiness and expect it to stop and greet thee. one has to do other things and then when one has made other plans and gotten busy, often happiness of one sort or another will cross paths with one. this might not happen right away or in the way one might wish but it does eventually happen. you have a college degree which makes you far more marketable than one without, in many spheres of life including the mating game. I believe your time will come but you have to be out there for it to happen.



Mackica
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 637

22 Nov 2013, 12:04 am

Yes it certainly does exist.When someone cares about and makes the effort to see you,make you comfortable,cook for you,accompany you places,exercise with you,clean up,wakes me looking at you,meets you after the dentist which we all is not fun,sends sweet and supportive texts throughout the day when he's not too busy,holds your hand unabashedly,says he loves you and looks into your eyes,your heart,your soul...you know love exists.I feel very lucky.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,740
Location: the island of defective toy santas

22 Nov 2013, 12:09 am

yes, such is a very nice dream, for sure.



marsh7024
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 4 Oct 2013
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 28
Location: North Carolina

22 Nov 2013, 12:57 am

Love most definitely exists. Love is the strongest and most amazing of all emotions. Love can bring you great joy and happiness. Love is not what people do for you, that is just a way of expressing love. When one person loves another there is a very special connection between them.

Love isn't just handed to you, it is something that requires a great deal of effort to obtain. you have to get out there, meet other people, and find that person who completes you. that person is out there, you just have to find them.

I am an NT who is dating an aspie. NT/AS relationships can work, don't let anyone tell you differently.

Hope this helps

Never give up hope!



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,740
Location: the island of defective toy santas

22 Nov 2013, 1:07 am

one person cannot "complete" another person, only complement. :idea:



marsh7024
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 4 Oct 2013
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 28
Location: North Carolina

22 Nov 2013, 1:50 am

I personally have to disagree, because I always felt like there was something missing in my life until I met my gf. She gave me the missing piece of the puzzle sorta speak. When she is away I feel like a piece of my soul is missing. That is how I feel. Sorry for the metaphors but don't really know how else to explain it. when it comes down to it, it is really just semantics between which word is appropriate anyway, and it really doesn't matter. I am just trying to offer some advice to someone who needs it.

you are entitled to your opinion though.



marsh7024
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 4 Oct 2013
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 28
Location: North Carolina

22 Nov 2013, 9:20 am

Mackica wrote:
Yes it certainly does exist.When someone cares about and makes the effort to see you,make you comfortable,cook for you,accompany you places,exercise with you,clean up,wakes me looking at you,meets you after the dentist which we all is not fun,sends sweet and supportive texts throughout the day when he's not too busy,holds your hand unabashedly,says he loves you and looks into your eyes,your heart,your soul...you know love exists.I feel very lucky.


These are excellent qualities to have. In a long term relationship, if that is how you define "clingy", then it is definitely a good thing. Everybody wants someone who loves them. They want you to express your love for them by doing little things like that for them. It makes you feel special when he does these things for you. It doesn't go one way though, he needs to feel special too. Express your love and he will feel absolutely amazing.



zacb
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 May 2012
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,158

22 Nov 2013, 10:22 am

Kaufmancab51 wrote:
I thought that after college, life would be decent to me, try up dating a third time, get me a job to get to something better, then the ball drops and things don't work out with the woman i'm seeing. Ever since September it feels like i've been going into a depression & anxiety relapse because i'm single.

I see all of my friends moving on, having kids, some getting married, while I stand in a small room where it's only myself inside of it. I had passion to run a part-time business and excel in my work but this emptiness inside has driven my passions six feet under.

I cannot accept the idea of remaining alone and sit around and do nothing, but the more I do I am hurting myself mentally to the point where I am on the verge of breakdown.

I spoke with my mother (NT) about how I'm not happy with the way I've been feeling and she made a pretty valid point (at least taking in consideration where I live, not sure how things are elsewhere), that a lot of women are raised different today and expect different things (moreso materialistic than personality) nowadays. She said that this would not have been an issue back when she was growing up in the 80s.

So I'm stuck in a place that I can't get out of within myself, a fight that I need support from others, even though i've barricaded myself in.


I am in college, but I get what you are saying. Just take comfort in knowing you are not the only one that feels that way.



em_tsuj
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,786

22 Nov 2013, 10:53 am

I am sorry to hear that you are so hopeless about your dating situation. Sadly, for me, this is a familiar refrain. I am currently obsessed with dating because after a very long time of not being in a position to date, I am finally in a position where I can date. I found myself asking the same question. What does love have to do with dating and sex? In other words is romance dead? A couple of things have helped me to find hope. One is going on match.com and looking at what women were available. Another thing was reading a post from this site: http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2012/04/13/relationshipstrategies/contemporary-male-mating-strategies/. It talks about dating strategies--short-term and long-term. I started to realize that some women want romance and others wants something short-term. It is about finding and approaching women who are looking for something long-term. They are out there. I am sure that many of them will be attracted to you.



Kaufmancab51
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2008
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 180
Location: Rochester, New York

22 Nov 2013, 10:51 pm

I'm starting to find as of late that finding someone compatible, let alone just to even sit down and learn about is harder and harder to find, and it shouldn't be because i'm either making it difficult or because of assumptions...


_________________
"Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up."


Kurgan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Apr 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,132
Location: Scandinavia

22 Nov 2013, 11:12 pm

There's only one answer that I know for sure that works, and that's compensating for the social awkwardness. If you're better looking, make more money and so on than the next person, someone might give you a chance and overlook your social awkwardness. With that being said, girls in their teens and 20's care a lot more about popularity, partying and so on than guys do, so it's a helluva lot to compensate for.



Kaufmancab51
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2008
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 180
Location: Rochester, New York

22 Nov 2013, 11:29 pm

especially when you're the complete opposite.


_________________
"Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up."


chatty
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 4

24 Nov 2013, 9:10 am

hello, i feel for you....so much to say...i am a neurotypical 56 yr old woman who is seeing an awesome 50 yr old man on the spectrum, i too had given up hope, esp at my age, so after i broke up with my partner of 7 yrs in 2012, i went on okcupid, and had many adventures, but nothing lasting...until i found my lovely autistic savant....we totally get each other and no one has ever treated me with so much love, passion, respect and kindness.....xox



Marky9
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Mar 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,625
Location: USA

24 Nov 2013, 10:26 am

For me the answer to whether "love" really exists first requires a definition of it. Is it an emotion, an action, a decision...?

Again, and just for me, I have chosen to adopt a notion of love put forth by Peck in Road Less Travelled. I have largely pursued this through a dating life influenced by Hendrix's Keeping the Love You Find, and Getting the Love You Want.

Finally, I find it essential for me to monitor my mental health for signs of depression, and seek medical help (e.g. anti-depressants) when appropriate.



Kaufmancab51
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2008
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 180
Location: Rochester, New York

24 Nov 2013, 11:20 pm

Marky9 wrote:
For me the answer to whether "love" really exists first requires a definition of it. Is it an emotion, an action, a decision...?

Again, and just for me, I have chosen to adopt a notion of love put forth by Peck in Road Less Travelled. I have largely pursued this through a dating life influenced by Hendrix's Keeping the Love You Find, and Getting the Love You Want.

Finally, I find it essential for me to monitor my mental health for signs of depression, and seek medical help (e.g. anti-depressants) when appropriate.


umm...did you read the first post?


_________________
"Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up."