I ruined the date

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I went on a second date with woman. It went well and she was so charming. They way she kept glancing and smiling and looking away...I thought I was reading everything right. So when I walked her to her car, I asked to kiss her.

Yes, I asked. I know some say you should never do that, but I refuse to follow this rule. I want to respect the other person. I guess in this case it's good I did, because she refused.

She said she's dating around and isn't sure what she wants. I could tell she felt bad, and I felt bad for her, because the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone.

How silly I feel for taking a stupid risk, and blowing it. Idunno, maybe I never had a chance, especially if she's playing the field. Always competing with these other strange, phantom men.

I just don't know how to feel. On the one hand, I've been on more dates since September since, well, practically my whole life. I've been trying harder than ever to find someone, but dammit I just can't make progress, can't get past the 2nd date.

I feel so ashamed that I'm single, that I can't get my act together. I've been in therapy trying to talk through these issues, and it is helping a lot, but it's hard not to feel disappointed, and a little broken. As is I'm going to be the only one in my office who won't be bringing a date along to the company dinner.

I had thought, I had hoped that this year would be the year I'd have someone to enjoy the holidays with, and ring in the New Year with. I'm grateful for the family I have, so I'm not entirely alone, but I'm so eager to make my OWN memories, to enjoy and share life with...someone!

Every time I get discouraged, I tell myself, I'm done, I quit, and I trash my OKC account. But invariably I come back to try again, but only to find more hurt.

Is it time to really consider moving on and just not trying any more? To try to find some other way to fill the void? How does one do this? I've tried with work...I've got so many projects....films I'm planning, as well as writing and restoring old radios...yet still the void remains. How best can I finally be rid of the loneliness?

Do you have a high earning, a place and a car?

I feel tempted to do that sometimes too. I'm thinking of maybe trying some other websites because very few people on OKC interest me. It's probably just because I'm really picky though...



Good question. I wish I knew...



I think there's more to it than that

Last edited by 1df5e76 on 09 Dec 2013, 3:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

Of course, but anything would collapse without foundations and those are the very foundations for any adult male entering the dating process, especially through online dating because it easily gives most women the option to date many men simultaneously far more than vice versa (due to imbalanced gender ratio).




Tell me, how is he supposed to compete with the dozens of guys she's dating? With his Aspie charms? With his drop dead hotness? With his groundbreaking confidence?

He should have some competitive edge!

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 09 Dec 2013, 4:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

With a personality that's compatible with hers.

If you say so...

Oooh, so tell me, how this would much help when okcupid is telling her there are dozen of guys with 90% matching score within her reach.

Read their profiles, browse their match questions and if she likes what she sees, then message them first if they haven't messaged her already. A 90% match score doesn't count if they've answered less than 50 questions, the more the better. If you're getting too many matches that don't look compatible according to their profiles and match questions answered, then you can tweak the match score by adjusting the importance level of your question answers.

Tell me, that relevant how? She will still have more supply of dates (with matching 90% and who answered more than 50 questions) than him.

And what you people are not realizing, she has many options right now while Brian is only having one option right now hence why he's making threads about her.

I wish I knew but I can say you've gotten further than I ever have. All I can say is since you've gotten that far don't give up I know it's hard I keep trying to give up but don't have the strength to accept that I'll be alone. I've never gotten so far but if I had I would try again. It always hurts though always chases me back runs me off with my tail in my legs I hate the pain and hurt and the anger I feel I hate the confusion. Next time instead of asking for a kiss maybe say it was fun and say you'd like to see her again, if she responds that yes then say you'll contact her with a date or time or to plan it. If she says no then the answer is obviously no. And if she says something that makes you uncertain try contacting her by mobile or email or message in a day or two but only once if she doesn't reply dust off and move on. Best of luck.

The irony here is that while we are attempting to understand things from her perspective, we are assuming she thinks of potential mates as commodities to be rated/scored/collected. I think this is a fallacy that has been created by these dating websites that have no other way to relate to people.

Other then making that observation, I am unsure if I have a point. Considering by the age of 45 I have only had 3 "relationships" in my whole life, it is difficult for me to make any suggestions.

I see what you mean. Though I don't think that him asking if he could kiss her has caused her to reject him, regardless of what he thinks. All you can do to avoid something like this is to filter out all the people who say that they are "available" as relationship status rather than "single" because on OKCupid, that means that they are polyamorous and that they are already dating someone. You also need to look for people who have selected "Looking for Long Term Dating" on their profile, and chat to them for a bit via e-mail and messaging before asking them on a date because if they're honest, then I think that they'd then be less likely to already be dating other people as well. Just try to message them and catch their interest before someone else does.

i overcooked a large amount of diced dates recently, and the butter i was frying them in went all nutty in flavor.

i almost had to be tazered due to the depths of my disappointment.

Oh tell me, do you those who are putting "Looking for long term" are not dating several guys at the same time? False, they are not necessarily polyamorous (which is a rare orientation) but they are always dating several guys at the same time as long they didn't commit with one yet, it's just a more efficient screening process to find Mr. Right.

^ Oh tell me, do you think* those who are putting "Looking for long term"

Oh tell me, were you making a date cake?

no